HP V: Easy Ghoul

happy halloween everybody

Saturday saw the return of AmCham incompetence and foreigner apathy, aided, I hope, mostly by AmCham's incompetence. It was billed as Halloweenies for the Kidz, or something like that. The idea was that "Hey! Let's get some food, booze, bands and that cozy park across from PJ's and make scads of money for, you know, the Kidz." It had to rock, being PJ's idea and all. From the kickoff at noon, with everyone checking their watches to make sure they all weren't 2 hours fast to the rockin' climax a few hours later with everyone checking their watches to see how much longer till 89K opened up, it was a hoot.

According to raffle tickets sold, about 110 people attended thoughout the 6 1/2 hours. Of course, there's no telling if people bought multiple tickets and of those that were sold, many were bought by people working the event. Hamburger patties went uncooked! YES, IT'S TRUE! Boxes of chicken legs were cooking themselves in the sunlight. South African sausage was being eaten by, well, of course, South Africans. BEER WENT UNDRANK! Read that again. No, yell it. BEER WENT UNDRANK. A mere $1,000 NT gave a person the right to pack your colon for a good two months on undigested flesh and all the beer you could drink. I estimate about 25 squads of draftees ( the elite Coronaistas and the more plebeian Harbinites ) went unused. They are currently quartered at Big Gay Lance's, waiting future deployment.

How did this happen? Well, PJ flew to the Philippines to consult a psychic surgeon about "the smell of rotting flesh" in his nose that has perturbed him since '86. Yes, really. Well, maybe not the psychic surgeon part, but he would find someone who would willingly perform a walletectomy. So PJ was not around to help round up the troops. But, he was. He condensed his 11 day sojourn into a single day and returned Saturday morning. For AmCham's part, all that needs to be said is that I've only seen two people from AmCham at any event, Jack McDowell, and Wayne Chen. And they are always there. Unfortunately, flyers were only distributed and put up two days before the event. Jack and Wayne cannot do it all by themselves. This is where the rest of AmCham stepped up, looked around and took a powder. Some are at odds with Jack and therefore thought it best to place personal differences above the benefit. AmCham Taichung is nonprofit. Basically they are a service organization of two. Two others, Jerry and Chris, who are not members ( Chris might be, but is not listed in the directory) , were asked to help. They did. So, that's it in a Ron Jeremy nutshell. One bright spot was the music. As usual they give their time - though I wish The Deported had not. One who should have been given all the time he wanted is Shane somebody from Tainan. He's from Saskatoon, plays mostly his own guitar and harmonica country. Hoping to get him to make the move here. See him if you get the chance.

Tigga

I have updated Brain Death's website to be correct. Definitely worth a read if you haven't been there yet. Click on the link to the right. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't touched by the post entitled Brett.

The bells and whistles chair

The bells and whistles chair
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

The chair that swings. Plays music with lights. Awesome extra pair of hands when Daddy is baby sitting. Provides the extra 5 minutes Daddy needs to get to the bathroom. Today was one of those fall asleep in peace only while Daddy is holding you days. After Three failed attempts at putting the kid in bed. I went with the stay awake plan and the magic chair. Hats off to the generous genius Aaron for passing it this way.

HP IV: Lutger the German

Lutger loves beer. So does John. So do a lot of people. The following discussion took place some years ago at the New York Pub in the heart of Changhua city. It began with what was a seemingly harmless hypothetical question from John...

J: So, Lutger, if you were going to get a tattoo, what would you get?
L: I would not get a tattoo.
J: Yeah, but if you were to get one...
L: But I would never do that.
J: Supposing you decided one day that you wanted a tattoo, what would it be?
L: That would never happen.
J: What if you were drinking with some friends and ended up in a tattoo parlor with all kinds of images on the walls, what would you get? An eagle, a motorbike...
L: I would get nothing.
J: Come on, for fun. I understand you don't want one, but what would you get if you got one?
L: I cannot say.
J: Why not?
L: It would never happen.
J: But if it happened, what would you get?
L: I get nothing. It would not happen.
J: (getting exasperated) OK, let's say that eight large men force you into a chair and say you are getting a tattoo whether you like it or not and you must choose one of the tattoos on the wall.
L: Why would they do that?
J: I don't know, just because.
L: There must be some reason. It makes no sense.
J: You're tied down to the chair and you can't leave until you get a tattoo. You gotta choose one.
L: I do not choose.
J: But you might as well choose something cool. Something you can live with.
L: I choose nothing.
J: But you must!
L: Why must I? I do not choose. You choose for me.
J: But they or I might choose something really stupid. You should at least choose something you may remotely want.
L: No. How can I choose a tattoo when I don't want one?
J: You're not making sense!
L: I do not choose. Bah! We drink! I am Lutger!
J: (flummoxed as all hell)

If I recall correctly, JW agreed to drink but never again asked a German engineer a hypothetical question. I could be wrong of course as my wire tap at PJ's has recently fizzled.
Some say this is what made JW pack up and move to Taichung.

HP III

left to right,

Chico to Changhua boys Tom & Will with

Tennessee Jeff

711 two

711 two
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

John needs to work at this school. They have two 711's on the campus. A high school that potentially lets you pay your bills and sells adult beverages. Students hopped up on coke and Big Gulps. Didn't anyone watch supersize me?
Two 711's. I wonder if students are allowed to put went to the school of 711 on the ole resume.

T-Shirt Hell

T-shirts naughty, humorous and not generally nice.
Howdy, P.I.M.P.!

VINDICATION!

Which perfectly explains her refusal of my offer several years ago of dinner and a par-tay. It wasn't the location - the Lubbock International Airport baggage return. It wasn't my condition - 14 hours full of free China Airlines adult beverages. IT WAS HER! I was pitching to the wrong team!

Comets' Sheryl Swoopes opens up about being gay. The pressure to perform at a high level on a basketball court is minimal for three-time WNBA Most Valuable Player Sheryl Swoopes compared to determining that the time was right to publicly announce today she is gay.

"I'm just ready, just to be free, not to have to hide who I am; not to have to hide my feelings for her anymore."

H.P. II

finsished no problem

finsished no problem
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

Another year and another paper dragon. teachers were delighted to discover the drama students couldn't answer a few simple questions. Or rather the students said they were finished and everything works No problem. One question, when you were making a huge paper village and 4M by 4M backdrop ??? What did you think would make it stand up? Eleventh hour bullshit comes to the rescue.
Forget that presentation is important. Forget that time is short. Bubble gum wrappers and wide plastic tape on heavy *really heavy* stands will be so portable and easily win the day.

Halloweens Past Pic

Who would dress as a bottle of Taiwan Beer for Halloween?

lake horns

lake horns
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

After lunch they take the left overs for a walk.
Then they watch sun set.

Johnny Cash Question

If he shot a man in Reno (just to watch him die) then what is he doing in Folsom Prison?

My understanding is Reno is in NEVADA and Folsom Prison is a CALIFORNIA state prison.

Lyrics here.

I'm sure someone here can help explain this to me.

Warning: Politics Below

Two suggestions for Taiwan:

1. Announce a policy for an immediate declaration of indepedence upon any warlike act from China. (Since game theory is hot now, I'd liken this to a game of Chicken where Taiwan showily handcuffs herself to the steering wheel.)

2. Have a referendum upon the question, "Any unification plan must pass a referendum of Taiwan's voters with X% approval rate with Y% of total registered voters voting."

The beauty of this is Taiwan can claim to be setting up for a unification scenario (not independence), but at the same time constraining China if it passes that any unification plan has to be damn acceptable to the people of Taiwan and not some bargain made with James Soong in a smoke-filled Shanghai KTV.

The DPP should have done this last time and damn their "base" who would freak out. It totally wrong foots the KMT - could they oppose a law setting up a system to approve unification? (I guess if the bar was set too high on percentages.) Could the USA be upset? China could whine, but they do anyways.

For all you TI'ers out there, remember that East Timor's referendum was worded as such:

"Do you accept the proposed special autonomy for East Timor within the Unitary State of the Republic of Indonesia?" or "Do you reject the proposed special autonomy for East Timor, leading to East Timor's separation from Indonesia?"

Notice the YES was for unification (well, continuing being part of Indonesia) so it would be a pretty useful tool for Taiwan to have this law on the books as being mandatory. Even if Taiwan were to lose a war with China, the international community might just be able to pressure China at some later point to honor the law .

Christmas Gift Ideas

I know a certain someone on NiHowdy would really love one of these for a Christmas gift.

(h/t Garfield Ridge)

Also, Karl, while I did h/t Red State Rant, PekingDuck actually LINKED them.

Leon

Comics by Leon

Great live music on Saturday if you can make it.

Lost Truck

I don't know how the ROCKET GIRL boys are getting to their gigs these days but their tour bus has been stalled out on a bridge near zhong ming and xi tun for at least 4 weeks now, probably longer. The wrong way and on a red line to boot. We've been towed on yellows...
This would be really kick ass parking if you lived under the bridge. Maybe they're really trolls waiting to pounce on Halloween and ride it off into November. Very impressive bit of longevity parking. Not a ticket to be seen.
Prizes to anyone who can tell me what the acronym G.O.S.F. written on the door stands for.

I only post this to counter P.I.M.P.

Here's a quick game to play. Canadians may have an edge.

p.s. Great photos Kevlar.

Who wants to go vacation?

fish better
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

Peter piper planted peppers

peppers
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

After forgetting a hundred times. Project pepper is now started.
hopefully this will have some success.

Brother and moose

Brother and moose
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

Somewhere it is late fall and the hunt is on. These fellas will be eating steak, no fear of the mad cow disease. Avarian flu, sars, pollution. Wish my brother would wipe the shit eating grin off his face. Perhaps he is choking on all the fresh air.

52-17?

I will happily enjoy 11.67 beers on John's tab the next time I am in town.

Thanks J-Hole

for that gracious introduction. Yes, another canadianer to further pollute the minds of the legions of readers.

From the pages of Maxim: when pro athletes join new teams, they often request a number worn by someone else. of course, there is a price to pay. What follows is a list of such transactions.


buyer-Roger Clemens.. seller- Carlos Delgado..cost- $15 000 Rolex
buyer-Clinton Portis.. seller-Ifeanyi Ohalete.. cost-$38 000 cash
buyer-Eli Manning.. seller- Jeff Feagles.. cost- 1 week vacation
buyer-Brian Jordan.. seller- Fredi Gonzalez.. cost- $40 000 motorcycle
buyer-Tom Glavine.. seller- Joe McEwing.. cost- new baby nursery
buyer-Mitch Williams..seller- John Kruk..cost- 2 cases of beer

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick

Proud to be an American?

This link is part of the brighter side of living North of the American boarder. To my American friends, I still love you, but you have to realize....... making fun of Americans is what we do in Canada. It's probably listed as one of our National pastimes. The link is a little slow, give it some time.

If I had 100 dollars la.

If I had 100 dollars la.
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

7-11 is special. How about that hair?

Git yer guns up!

Bread, what's with the old comment? I confidently accept your bet - a beer for every three points - and look forward to collecting in the summer. If by some fluke I lose it will not matter. You will be too wasted after your second beer to remember to collect on any remaining (not happening) beers. I will be attempting to watch it online via ESPN GamePlan. It's about $20 a week and there are 10-15 games per week. This week they have 7 Top 25 teams playing. Be careful, though. Games broadcast by ABC are unavailable in the archives. ESPN says they are trying to fix it, but I doubt anything will be done soon. Tech 42 - ut 31, J-Hole - not even buzzed.

Poll results -- In results surprising to no one, D.U.G. and All of the above tied in the polling with each receiving 13 votes. I'll give him one week and then delete his Canadianer booty from the blog. As you will notice, we have added yet another contributor, ( Give-him-enough-rope ) D-Wayne. One more, and we can have a baseball team. Look for our Recent Visitors from Porn Sites numbers to soar.

Calling an old friend out

John? Is there doubt? Email or post your response BEFORE gametime on Saturday. My pick is the Horns a brazilian and the pink raiders ZERO.

Unfortunately I will not be able to watch the game, as I will be in the great state of canadia on a camping trip. We have been having a bit of an Indian Summer here recently, and I want to get out one last time before winter's fury arrives in earnest.

Four More Baby!!!

Alive and well, thank you for asking J-Hole.

By the way J-Hole, what's the bet this weekend? I say a beer for every three points difference ( I am feeling cocky after tonight's destruction).

NiHowdy's Personal Finance Tips

If you want a surefire investment that is also practical way to get around town, the new Chinese made JiangLing "Landwind" SUV is an excellent choice.

Not only is it about 30% cheaper than luxury SUVs like Kia's Sportage or Hyundai's Tucson, it also offers an excellent investment oppportunity, as you are highly likely to collect on any life insurance policies you have since the vehicle scored an amazing ZERO on safety tests in Europe.

Check out the crash test videos here and here:

They may be a slow download, but are really worth it.

(H/T RedStateRant via Ace of Spades HQ)

Unbelievable

One More Baby!!!!

Chinese Culture Admits Defeat

Finally, they aknowledge that forks are the FUTURE OF MANKIND.

Talk about a Chinese take-away. Astronauts Fei Junlong and Nie Haisjeng blasted into outer space with a full larder of Chinese specialities including cuttlefish and meat balls, and beef with orange peel.

But the pair of orbiting diners will have to do without chopsticks, which were considered too difficult to manoeuvre in the weightlessness of space. They'll use forks and spoons instead according to the state Xinhua news agency.

Next time you get hacked at for not being able to use chopsticks, just remember....in Space there will be no Cho Do Fu.

Note: I actually handle 'sticks better than the wife...she wants me to teach lil' Fiona how to use them...but since Fiona will be the first SuperModelNeurosurgeon, she's cool since they don't need that skillset in space yet.

Polling Question

When does the poll on the right close? I notice that D.U.G and all of the above are in a dead heat. Maybe we should have a runoff...But you had better put all of the above first (which would then mean nobody), because if all of the above is second then a vote for all of the above would really be a vote for D.U.G.

****Breaking News****

AU DECIDES SUDAN IS TOO FUCKED UP EVEN FOR THEM

Looks like the situation will be referred to the UN security council. That will surely fix the situation.

What frustrates me most of this situation is how willing we were to go into Iraq and how willing we are to passively watch Darfur implode. As a nation and as a world we admitted our mistakes in failing to intervene in Rwanda (except the French, who did intervene, on the side of the Hutus). Clinton said it was one of the biggest mistakes of his presidency (fortunately this administration doesn't make mistakes). And now, a mere ten years later, we continue to prop up a nasty regime in Khartoum by giving money, money which is supposedly linked to peace in Darfur, but has already been given depsite the ongoing massacre. There are a host of reasons for our willingness as a world to watch this, but for the interested person who has made it this far in the post, the chief reason why we pay lip service to the west of Sudan (in my humble opinion) has to do with our willingness to stay in good graces with a government sitting on load of undeveloped oil fields (in the recently at peace south).

One day, the east of Sudan will realize it is sitting on the chief means of getting that oil out. Once that occurs (and signs are that is already happening) a four way civil war with each of the cardinal directions in play will likely ensue...the oracle of Montana predicts the Ethiopians, the Ugandans and the Chadians will all make a grab (and possibly the CAR if they get their shit together) by trying to align themselves with the southerners. The Americans (Republican or Democrat administration won't matter) will stubbornly side with the Khartoum government, the UN will certainly do the same (because the UN sides with governments in power - see Western Sahara or Taiwan for examples of this) and ten years from now the Sudan will look like the Congo. The added bonus here is Islam and holy wars (think proximity to Yemen, Saudi and Somalia), not to mention the ultimate wild card, Libya.


Yep, now is a good time for a meeting...

Interested in further reading? Here are the daily updates of wars around the globe.

More Sci-Fi

I am Kosh, even though I don't know what he is.

Rye Guy has reminded me that Star Wars I (as if that still counts after the Phantom Menace) had a game and drinking.

But what about Holodeck porn? NO.

Now, a more serious question: while taking the test, I noticed people who were pegged as WESLEY CRUSHER. Dude, I can see if I was WESLEY CRUSHER than I would consider claiming that I'd rather be Boba Fett. So, it's obvious Karl actually got WESLEY CRUSHER and then claimed he got Data before deciding to switch to be Boba Fett. It's the old bait and switch and switch.

By the way, WESLEY CRUSHER has a blog.

Data vs. Bobo Fat

So, if I was some tall thin, nerdy guy who is:

a chess player
a multicultural polyglot
a democrat

who do you think I want to be?

Data or Bobo Fat?

Let's review:

Star Trek:
Advanced Utopian culture based on the UN where peaceful confilict resolution and non-lethal force are often used.

Star Wars:
Republican forces fighting off the evil Empire - note it ain't the Democrats Abroad doing the fighting. Also, explain how we get a Princess involved in a REPUBLICAN government? Obviously Lucas never read any Roman history or took a PoliSci course.

Star Trek:
3-D Chess - Synthohol

Star Wars:
No games - No Booze - No holodeck porn. What a bright future.

Star Trek:
Seven of Nine

Star Wars:
C-3PO (scroll down to entry number two.)

Star Trek:
Humans still use long range weapons unless forced by higher power to battle it out with other aliens on a desolate world...but wait, even then Kirk made a primitive gunpowder weapon to win.

Star Wars:
Let's regress thousands of years and use SWORDS made of LIGHT instead of ranged weapons. I guess it makes more sense then simply allowing the light saber's laser edge to simply leap forward at the speed of light to kill your opponent before any Jedi instinct could even save them.

Finally:

EWOKS.

Update: Maybe Karl doesn't like Star Trek because he can't empathize with the people in that universe?

BROUGHT TO YOU AT THE REQUEST OF P.IM.P.

I need your help.

I am currently supervising 3 students from my school, I-Ning Jr./Sr. School, who are going to attend the World School International Forum. They are Taiwan's only representative. They must have an exhibit that ties a cultural introduction to the country (Taiwan) to the theme of - for God's sake, Communication. Media Literacy in the 21st Century together. This is what I've thought of so far. Also keep in mind that it will be held in Japan, so cell phones and such are pretty much a given.

Here is a definition I found of media: a channel or system of communication, information, or entertainment. I don't know what literacy means.

• Puppet shows - showing and continuing culture, mythology...
• Sound trucks
• Couplets at Chinese New Year - my wife had the observation that they were telling people on the outside what their wishes were.
• Flyers and the little hooker-bait stick ons
• Temples - Again, my wife tells me that temples are regularly used as a source of info.

I wish my students well. They will be in Japan for 12 days, I will not. Please let me know if you have any ideas.

Fantasy Football

This guy really likes fantasy football.

Bread, Stop Brandishing That Thing!

or you'll scare those nice Japanese people.

Men are better shoppers than women

I ganked this link from Fark. Read the whole thing as it is marginally interesting.

One quibble:

Dennis and his co-author Tamira King say the deep-rooted nature of the shopping gender gap means that retailers need to rethink the way they approach men.

Stores may need to introduce male-only shopping areas and "crèches" to occupy men while their female partners shop.

I think the male-only "creche" has already been invented and is called a "sports bar and grill."

Pijiu Is My Poison

I was in Taidong on the weekend. Needless to say it was an excellent trip. We ventured out into the great unknown parts of a little city called ShiShang. Beautiful mountains, great little farming community. As I was about to get back in the car, I noticed KinKong beer in the window of a small supermarket. KinKong "Dark" beer. Hmmm.....beer...... I immediately thought. I went in, not only did they have this selection, but a bottle of Taiwan beer I haven't seen before, and some Ching Dao. After quickly having a look at the rusted caps on top of the bottles, and the expiry date of June, 1997 I decided that although I needed a quick fix, this wasn't the beer for me. Interesting though. All three of these beers are from 1997, if anyone is interested, I'll pick you up a six pack.

NEVER

Quit biting your fingernails or smoking before an 18 inning baseball game. Organize these two things around something less intense, like the Superbowl or a marathon game of Iron Cross...

Just for the Record

Jim, I did say since Dr. J retired... I remember 1980 all too well, for your Phillies coming back on Nolan Ryan in the fall, the Oilers losing to the Steel Curtain the previous January (on Renfro's discounted touchdown), and the Rockets losing to the Celtics the following spring.... Painful times for a child of seven in Houston...

History of the AH-VO-KA-DOH

Did you know that the Aztecs were the first to use the avocado as an aphrodisiac? That avocado is a Conquistador corruption of the Aztec "ahuacatl" meaning testicle? It's also been known over the years as the alligator pear, midshipman's butter or simply a pear depending on where you are. Avocados are yummy! California produces 95% of the world's avocados! It's said that Cortez smeared himself in avocado butter shortly after his garroting of Montezuma and subsequent conquest of Mexico City. It's said he went mad and died trying to hump an unwilling pyramid. Really. Check out the link.

A joke I need to share with all.

Don Rumsfeld is giving George "W" Bush his daily briefing and tells him that three Brazilian soldiers have been killed in Iraq.

George says "that's absolutely terrible", is lost for words, and holds his head in his hands for several minutes. His staff are amazed at the response, and the whole room stays silent.

Finally George lifts his head from the table and says Exactly how many is a brazillion?"

Beans, Queens and Has-beens

Before you go one word farther, go to the bottom of the sidebar and participate in our poll : Survivior Taichung. And although I do agree with RyeGuy in general, in the spirit of fair play, you might want to take a look at a pic of this wordsmith that captures his true flava'.

If you want to piss off a Brit, take away their baked beans. I've never heard so much whining over beans before in my life, which might explain a couple of local Brits' abberant behavior. Dave ,aka Pippin, related to me an idea a couple of co-workers of his came up with. Everybody dress in drag - students, staff, willing parents and school pets! Great fun! Oh! The laughs! Except for the fact that the students are ages 2-7. What 2 year-olds are doing away from home in the care of minimum-wage proxy moms and footloose foreigners in the first place is beyond me. Is this normal? What's Dr. (or Mr.) Spock have to say about this? Blog parents, help me out.

As for the older children, that's downright scary! Lipstick, garters and pumps aren't for everybody. Come on, Divine, Boy George, Liza Minnelli - they're freakishly disturbing. This was supposed to happen today, so I don't know how many of the kids have been scared catatonic yet. Dave, to his credit, refused to participate, though I hope he had enough sense to take a few incriminating photos of the brassiered Brits.

Notes From A Northern HQ Emergency Meeting ( N. H.Q.E.M.)

First off, congrats to the Astros on their first ass whooping of the Braves this morning. The Rocket goes tomorrow against Smoltz. I was listening the Braves' radio feed as my MLB.TV is all messed up ( a long and pointless story ). During Houston's 5 run eighth the home announcer in his Southern drawl said, "...and the bases are loaded again, and boy I wish I was." Har!

Second thing. I'd like to welcome P.I.M.P. to the blog. He's also known as Pimp, card playin', heavy metal bass poundin', jewellery wearin', high school teachin', Ontario hailin' Pimp. We're delighted and we expect readership to sky rocket as evidenced by his first post which generated a plethora of comments. The J-Hole and I just held an emergency briefing at Northern HQ to discuss the aforementioned acronym and the possible meanings it may convey. I gotta say that we can't quite figure it out. We ask that P.I.M.P. enlighten the readers or be saddled with reader ( or contributor) suggestions.

Third thing. We voted and decided that there is no way this blog can handle TWO, count 'em, TWO acronyms. That's just crazy! So, as a result, I propose voting D.U.G. off the blog due to his utter contempt for his imaginary readers and his callous disregard for acronym enlightenment. The best meaning we can come up with is Don't Understand Going-to-the-blog-and-posting-something-anything-ever. Now, maybe this is part of his charm/mystery, I don't know. I'll let my fellow ACTIVE contributors be the judges. Readers should also weigh in as this issue needs to be resolved before this blog is acronymed out.

Fourth thing. I'm currently photoshopping a series of pictures of me in the tub. That's right. And I think you all know what I mean. Stay tuned.

A last thought, The Sandstress is thinking it stands for Peripatetic Icon of Meglomaniacal Pomposity, " No offense, just 'cause it sounds good..."

I'm thinking Peeing In My Pants, for the simpilicity.

Taiwan's entry in Wikipedia

Suprisingly, Wikipedia's entry for Taiwan includes a whole subsection on "Convenience store culture."

No section on Bin Lang Girls yet.

Also, I want to publicly apologize for forgetting to celebrate "Opium Suppression Movement Day" last June 3rd. I promise to suppress some opium next year.

NiHowdy's First Advertisment

D.U.G. R.E.P.R.I.S.E.

Due to great demand, we will be re-posting some of D.U.G.'s greatest hits. Here is his most popular and by all accounts, his most prolific.

Redneck³

English John and Commander Cardy printed out the redneck regalia and lightly stuck them on his scooter. Bo promptly made them permanent. The Dukes of Hazzard t-shirt is Bo's own doing.

*****APB*******

Calling one Jimbo, Calling one Jimbo.

Reflecting on a July conversation when Jim said the Phillies' main competition for the wild card would be the Marlins and the Cubs, I am reminded of what a poor life it must be to a fan from Philadelphia since Dr. J retired. Ditto to you Pimp and your 'that team has a bad vibe' comments.

Go 'Stros!

Ps. Jim, if you contact me in the next week I promise I won't mention the Astros record against the Phillies over the past two years (12-0) in my reply. I don't have your e-mail.

Video of Bali Bombing

Here's the link. It's in Dutch, but just click the link in the upper right that reads:

'Amateurfilm van één van de aanslagen in Bali'

My first blog.....

Hey all. I guess this is my first blog and I'll keep it short. I recently received this email about the fearless American leader down south (depending on how you see it). Have a peak, and when I get the wheels in motion, I'll find something more productive to waste your time with.
http://www.badmash.org/videos/videos_flv.php?v=george_bush_512K_Stream.

Can I change this link to say "Bush" somehow? I'm too lazy to follow the instructions and just too excited to wait!

Breaking Wind

It's just come to my attention that actress Calista Flockhart has legally changed her name to Ally McBeal. Can anyone confirm or deny said rumour?

A reality gap

I thought that a month of hard studying and I would be able to catch up with my classmates. A month of hard studying later I have realized that though my test scores are better than their test scores, they know a hell of a lot more than I do and I am an awful long way away from catching up.

A Cultural Gap

My 36 year old roommate eats organic shit by the tons and pretends to be educated by going to gay art shows downtown (called 'artini' parties). He chastises me for my baked potato and T-bone diet. I think he is secretly envious.

A Generation Gap

There I was, quietly and politely enjoying the second hand smoke of my classmates when one of them mentioned that they wanted to go to Thailand. I asked her to buy me clothes like Yul Brenner if she made it. She responded "Who is Yul Brenner?" Not a single one of them knew who he was. Ouch.

Punish This Man

This French guy in Taipei dares to have a Flickr account full of photos of hot women.

Punish him by visiting his photostream and bleaching out the pixels by looking at each one thereby destroying his photos.

Oh, yeah past the first page or two it looks like he stopped taking shots of hot chicks and instead focused on temples and what not. WTF? Nicolas, we expected more from you. More lesbian ninja types that is.

With a Heineken in each hand

We say goodbye this week to another friend, English John. A Manchesterite(?) who came to Taichung via Japan, John will be returning to Japan to work in hopes of erasing his mind of anything French as he first drives across France and through Frenchmen ( Well America, there you have it, Frankenstein has just been attacked by the French Air Force and he's whipped their derrieres! ). Known by all to wear only black or gallbladder-bile green -EXCEPT THE DAY I TAKE THE PHOTO - John is capable of expressing all 2 emotions (gentle disdain and exasperation) in the same mellifluous monotone. He is also quite the braniac, making the jump from peon to the Man at his company while working more and receiving less. We will all miss him, but more so, his earnest questions to PJ such as, " PJ? When you undo you hair, that's called a mullet, isn't it?" You be the judge. Adios.

Increasing our site hits one contributor at a time. Yep. We're getting another one. And he shall be known as the Badass of Bling, the Lothario of the Lay-Dees, the Aquila Vomitio, He Shall Be Known As PIMP!

For Karl - GangMen Dui (Gāng Mén Duì, 肛門隊)

For Red A - I'll have you know that NO ONE relies on PJ for the NFL. We rely on beer-starved, cash-strapped Canadianers we can bribe with one beer to work the VCR. While you are limited to ESPN, we - our Canadianer lackeys, that is - will be downloading the games and putting them on DVD. We are also earning quite a few credits during our internships that can be applied to degrees in Restaurant and Hotel Management: Taiwan / Burkina Faso.

Taiwanese Innovalue

Okay, so the photo is from Japan, but I've seen the same thing here in Taichung, and I'm certain it's a Taiwanese invention not Japanese.

Who else could combine a love of gambling, seafood, and sedentary shrimp fishing into one machine?

Of course, the losers in Taiwan's government would never consider giving this product it's Innovalue award.

This also reminds me of the 69 Across song Dreamcatcher. Man that guitarist was H-O-T! Oh well, she's probably married with a kid or two by now, LOL!

Correction in purple thanks to Bread.

Teacher's Day

Confucious

Mea Friggin' Culpa

You can watch one program on the disc while you're recording another. Or, you can start watching a program, before the program has even finished recording. This is called "time slipping".

Okay, so I wasn't doing this exactly, though let it be known that I CAN do this.

Sheeeet, I can be recording the night's sitcoms while watching the un-cut morning edition of Monday Night Football.

In other words, that may be more suitable for a guy who doesn't know how to work a cell phone, I DON'T RELY ON P.J. FOR MY N.F.L.

Here's what he should be looking into...I think I saw this at FNAC for less then NT$ 20,000. Heck, if a couple of you regulars talk to him, maybe he'll let you pay a month's tab in the form of a modern electronic device that would allow him to safely record NFL games with minimum disturbance - he just needs to program it once for most of the season.

Or I guess you could bang on his door at 7:29 a.m. every Monday morning and hand him a fresh VHS tape...and BTW, no knocks on PJ - I wouldn't enjoy sending people off at 1:00 a.m. on Sunday and have to get up to load a tape the next morning.

PJ Attempts to hit for the cycle tonight

Expect large crowds tonight at PJ's as he attempts to hit for the VCR cycle. While many others can go 2-4 ( inability to set time and use timer function), PJ is already three-fourths of the way to tonight's anticipated home run. A recap of his first three appearances and a prediction for tonight:

1. Sunday night football game - K.C. vs. Oakland: Tape runs out in third quarter with score 13-10. Forgot to rewind tape and added 1 hour of Prime Time to tape before taping the game.
2. Monday Night Football - Dallas vs. Washington: Tape again runs out in the third quarter with Dallas leading 13-0. Final score 14-13, Washington. Used same tape, confused with the SP and EP play functions on the remote.
3. Sunday night football - New York vs. San Diego: Tapes only the 2nd half, after LD's halfback pass for a TD. Didn't understand that you don't need to be able to read Chinese to distinguish between colors. Cables connected into the wrong ports.
4. Monday Night Football - K.C. vs. Denver: Prediction - He will tape only the 1st and 3rd quarters or a full 2 hours of the lingerie channel.

On Sunday, I lightly chastised Bo and Jerry for not filling out their roster in fantasy football (look down about 4 posts). On Monday I realized that I had 2 players on bye weeks, leaving me with only 9 players. The results just came in and the GangMen Dui squirted out a 119-73 victory. I also won the weekly pool for most points and am now in sole possession of first place. The other guys gotta be hating me right now. More boring stats next week, if I win.

Willie Does Reggae

You gotta love Willie Nelson. I haven't always been into him but as I age the more comforting his music becomes to me. How can a country bumpkin like Willie do reggae? Well, when it comes right down to it, Willie and the Rastas share more in common than you might believe at first glance. He covers Jimmy Cliff's "Sitting In Limbo" and "The Harder They Come" as well as some of his own classics like "I've Just Destroyed The World I'm Living In", and "Darkness On The Face Of The Earth". The bitter "One In A Row" and the old lament "I'm A Worried Man" are also worth checking out. I'm not gonna say it rocks but it definitely sways. Good fun.

Update on a Tigga'

Some of you readers (that's you Karl) might recall a student of mine who thought he was a black guy in a Taiwanese shell. He sent me a link to his blog and I have included it on the Nis side. It's mostly in Chinese, but there is some English floating around which should duly illustrate his African roots.

*the link on the right seems to be down, but I am quite sure of the address I put in the template. Somebody want to check it out?

9 month old IVO

Ivo Blackwell is 9 months and a day old today. He's got 2 teeth to his name and has a smorgasboard of delicacies on which he can chow down. He's standing on his own and we've begun to further baby proof the homestead due to this lightning fast crawling technique he's developed...

Steak, Beer and Football

Saturday shopping in Taichung yielded a couple of frozen U.S. Angus New York strips at $800NT for a kilo. Bo and I happened into a mom-and-pop in search of an frosty, adult beverage when we saw what we thought was definitely the find-of-the-week: Beer Green Tea. We thought, Beer and green tea? Gotta try it. Our glee was short-lived after returning home and reading the can more carefully. 0.5%. Good for shandy-sipping Oregonians and Commander Cardy, but we quickly purged the remnants and moved on to some stronger rice water.

Announcement. The GangMen Dui, Fantasy football's most talked-about, hottest team and dawggonit, the best thing to ever hit fantasy sports since nutballs have been boring the rest of the planet with stats talk since its inception, pummeled last year's champs, Strongbows Cider ( not link worthy). The near doubling of his score has moved the very tight GangMen Dui into a share of the lead and second in overall scoring. Expect more of the same as this week I go up against Bo and Jerry, who despite being third from last in points, think they need to only play 10 men to beat me.

Oh, yeah. I have changed my email settings in the profile to reflect the only email I now use. So Frenchie and D-Wayne, stop your carping about me never answering emails.

In Texas

I am still taking photos using 7 megapixels and haven't bothered to re-size my photos. I use up my Flickr allotted space with 2-3 photos. Guess that's why I have only 30 something and Kevlar has 90 something (all of which have appeared on the blog, I think). Anyhoo, that's why it's taken me, uh...,cipher a sec...uh...2 months to get up a group of photos from my trip back home. Click here for the set. I'll put links here cause I'm unable to do it at Flickr.

• Wind Power Center
• Bandera, Texas
• Medina Apple Festival
• 4th on Broadway - Lubbock, Texas

Hurricane Rita is approaching Texas and Louisiana. My brother, his wife, my niece and nephew live in Kingwood, which is about 23 miles from downtown Houston and 55 miles from the ocean. If past hurricanes are any indicator, Kingwood will not flood as badly as Houston but will suffer more from fallen trees, it being in a forest. I've had conflicting reports from my family about their status but I think due to the huge crush of traffic and shortage of gas, they will be staying. I would ask that any smart-ass that thinks it would be a good time to show off their wit and try to score any political points by commenting on the traffic, gas, preparedness...not. I have about 10 other family members relocating in other parts of Texas as I write. Bread's father is also in Houston and I do not know his status. I had about the same number of family in Mississippi who suffered severe damage from Katrina. If you would like to discuss it later, catch me at my waterin' hole. In the meantime, my family and I pray for all. Hope you can do the same.

Agree or Disagree?

Read this essay.

Agree or Disagree in the comments.




p.s. Check out what happens if you try to purse snatch an Asian woman.

Something Useful for a Change

I'm cleaning my desk today, and I found some conversion rates for Taiwanese measurements:

1 ping is approximately 36 square feet or 3.3 square meters.

1 Taiwanese Inch is about 3 cm. A Taiwanese foot is 30 cm.

WARNING: This is from a random piece of paper on my desk, so don't hand your new deck design to the Taiwanese carpenter using these figures. Yossan also needs more smokes to do the job right, so call Kevlar up and get him over here.

Anyone with knowledge of conversion rates for Catties / Taels / BTU's please amend the post as needed or in the comments section.

UPDATE: Hurry with that BTU conversion factor!

Also need one for Newtons!

Oh, that would be: Catties/Sq. Taiwanese Foot

Moon Festival Week-end

Interim Report.

Friday Night Poker:

Kevlar: Likes the occasional secret glance at English nipple.

NAY, it's the aureole!

Brett (Brit): Honestly, the man had the whole night off from kids and wife...is it so strange he expressed an interest in treeology?

fashion: Black shirt for Steve who lusted after Kevlar's geld, and black pants for Brett (Brit) who pretty much flashed nipple (NAY! Aureole!) all night.

Saturday:

7:55 a.m. The crying poop machine, who actually has stopped crying recently demands paternal affection and care for about one hour. It was fine. Must say she wakes at the slightest noise when she knows a tired papa will be in charge.

5:00 - 8:00 p.m. Karl and Malv are forced to submit to Allied rule. Their plans for world domination, like Malv's plans for getting laid, perish before their eyes as Red A commands Soviet forces to easy victory. Americans and Britons run by M were tangentially involved.

Sunday:

2:08 a.m. : I think we should ban Canadians in general.

4:00 p.m. AJ's barbecue will KICK ASS. First off, there will be a song sung in honor of Soviet losses in the war to defeat Malv and Karl. Then, there will be mass consumption of charred flesh and yeasted barley water. I hope I can attend.

CORRECTION: I couldn't get past that freak's mug shot, so I only saw "New Brunswick man" instead of the later section where it informs us he is a naturalized US citizen. Thanks to Kevlar for picking that up. I now call for the ban of Canadians and Americans in general.

OTHER CORRECTION: The USA and Britian were not tangential, but played a minor, but important role, akin to Pippin in the LOTR.

UPDATE: AJ's barbecue had more chicken than a Tyson plan on Monday morning.

Fight

Figh
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

src="http://static.flickr.com/28/43956441_51bb01ed8c_m.jpg" width="240" height="180" alt="fight1" />
This could be an awful messed up post. Last Sunday afternoon while hanging laundry a fight broke out. A fat man a drunk man and a woman in a wedding dress. Lots of shouting, some pushing than rolling on the ground. The wife thought the vidoe camera a bad idea. (why did I agree with her.. oh yeah, editting video ain't as much fun as it used to be). At some point the well dressed woman got caught between the two wrestlers and the bottom half of her dress was torn off. The crowd that gathered and watched showed a cool lack of interest. Ten minutes in the police arrived. Then the drunk sat on the steps and cried while the fat man returned to the second floor of my building. Not one of the friends put much effort into stopping or encouraging the fight. no one called for weapons. There were no hospital visits. The two combatants were about 40-45 years old. The excuse was that one of them drank too much...

Someone stole his bike!

lock
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

A club on the wheel and a chain as big as your wrist. I wonder if he has too take the utility pole with him when ever he goes somewhere else.

Sorry no Friday Boobies or Babies

So as a consolation prize, here's a story about a reality TV show in Croatia where sheep are the contestants.

There are seven sheep, and visitors to the show's website can "see how the sheep feed and interact with each other.... They can then choose which sheep to vote out."

Oh, yeah, if a sheep is voted out, it might be eaten.

Before you open your mouth to criticize this, keep in mind it's a European show, and we all know how sophisticated their culture is. Do not mock what you do not understand, mes amis.

How about some grilled mutton on the barbecue for Moon Festival? I hear there's a good price on Veselka.

Why Canadianers Flock to Taiwan

Just like the the Irish potato famine forced millions of Fenian scum to emigrate to America, economic doom in the Maritimes is driving hordes of Canadianers to Taiwan to escape their plight.

Clinging to the gunwales of Evergreen container ships loaded full of the manufactured homes repossessed from their kinfolk, these poor souls arrive in the promised land of Taiwan only to once again be exploited by unscrupulous bushiban owners like the hermaphrodite Tony Chen.

Meanwhile, the government tries to stem the flood.

Yes, a bunch of empty rubber boots is really going to attract me to immigrate to Novie Scoshie. Maybe they should try to highlight the economic future for potential immigrants, "Come to Nova Scotia for a generation and get your children qualified as native speakers before they return to the Old Country!"

At least they were honest and didn't try to show photos of hot bikini chicks frolicking in the sun. "Hey, we told you that you'd need galoshes. Six pairs in fact. It's on the website."

Okay, I keeeeed, I keeeeed, but seriously what about those $1,000 homes on the Newfie Riviera in the article? Is that for real? Are those prices in C$? What's my mortgage payment on one of those? Assuming I pay like, 10% down. Yeah, I have my wallet with me so it would be in cash.

Update: People are leaving America, too. (h/t Instapundit.) I guess we will experience a housing depression as a result. Meanwhile, I just finished payment on my new home. Why not come over next week for my housewarming party? Please come through the side door marked: S-E-R-V-I-C-E (that's French for 'friends entrance') and bring some mops and buckets, s'il vous plait.

PJ's Playlist - Part I

For those outside the greater Soho Street Area in Taichung, I am assembling a cast of the characters that frequent PJ's and this blog.

• Rye Guy / Ryanator - From New Brunswick. Giver of 8 names to his son and multiple nicknames to himself. 7-time winner of Booger Presley look-alike contest.
• Jimbo / Jimbo Elrod / Hannibal Jim - Well-groomed, polite, intelligent. Says he's from Philly. Background check in progress.
• Pimp / Pimp Ryan - Canadianer. Philadelphia Eagle fan. Able to run slower in a football game than in his pre-game, pre-victory warm-up lap. Makes bling work.
• Yuri / Snaggletooth - Enjoys the outdoors, tight pants and red chamois slip-ons. Charming ladies man who always seems to run into trouble with them. The South African Keith Partridge.
• Jerry / Commander Cardy (on left)- South African / Brit. Turn-ons: firearms, commanding and Felix Unger. Turn-offs: " NOT LISTENING TO MY ADVICE!"
• Dave - Parts Unknown, Canada. Posted lowest ever score for a playing human in fantasy football. Body double for Billy Boyd in Lord of The Rings.
• Big John - South African-Texan. Oh! The humanity!
• Lance / Big Gay Lance - From Oregon. Editor of two free, local mags. Collector of shirts of color. Currently suing Bread for rights to Liberace's wardrobe.
• Karl / Tall Karl - Enjoy chess, lesbians and first-person shooter games. Current president of Robinson High School (Tampa) Morrisey Fan Club.
• Amcham Jack - Think the Skipper Alan Hale hopped up on three bottles of Thunderbird.
• Brit Paul / Android Paul - Lover of gadgets. Body weight is 80% machine. Suffers from personality chip failure when proximate to Bread. All Borg craft carry his statue.

Friday afternoon snooze

Image(393)
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

After a hard weeks work a nap was in order. Three minutes later several of his co workers provided him with a homeless sign a tin cup for change and some more newspapers. Oh yeah we are a nice bunch.

Hot Tea PJ - Home base

PJ wasted no time upon his return about 2 weeks ago in re-establishing his joint as the place for all the fun-loving, wise cracking population of Taichung - women (usually) excluded. In no particular order are some of the more memorable moments. I'll leave it to you and your personal tastes to assign any value to them.

1. 1. PJ becomes shirtless 2 minutes after sitting down and showing everyone his tan line.
2. 2. PJ proves to two unfortunate Canadianers that SPF 45 sunblock works even in hirsute areas.
3. PJs is now officially safe from violence after a truce between him and Brit Kevin was worked out. You might remember that the two got into a tussle after PJ reacted violently to Kevin's Scarface on SoHo Street performance.
4. We had our fantasy football draft on Lance's patio and then retired to PJ's to see how drunk D-Wayne would become. Let's see...He started rubbing his butt on every guy there. He gave us a shot of his pencil holder. He bet me ten beers in a game of one-on-one. He then goaded gentle, never-take-advantage-0f-another Jim, Saint Jim, also into a game of one-on-one with the same stakes. He has safely taken over Frencie's role of making foolish bets.
5. Women actually do wander over to PJ's, though usually to collect money or deliver food. However, one Taiwanese xiaojie (that's Miss to you rubes), a first timer, sat down at the table and began talking in very limited English. Cue PJ: Pretty girl, little or no English. In these situations the chair is pulled a little closer, the smile much wider, all others at the table are off his radar. He begins to aid her discomfort by conversing in Chinese. The initial salvo goes for about one uninterrupted minute. When he comes up for air, she takes the chance to say, "I'm sorry. My English isn't very good. What did you say?"

Success

Image(392)
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

Which one of these students is the smartest? Which one is the most helpful? Which one has the cleanest room and neatest handwriting? Which one is going to grow up and be a little jerk? Which one is going to work at 7-11?

Walking

Image(391)
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

Things I've learned. don't hold babies while wearing buttons. Kids prefer to head butt Moms boobs over Dads chin or colar bone. Kids have to be limp, and really sleepy looking ( eyes very shut) before you set them down. Anything less than that and the kid will wake up in a few moments and you have to start again. While transferring possesion of the kid be so extra careful of the arms. My little one likes to wrap her arm around the my massive arm and grasp the ole tricep (bit of a tangle tango). My little apple computer refuses to let me rotate this picture.

PJ's Cafe New Sexual Harrasment Policy

In case you did not get a chance to read it there, I'm cross posting here.

test

This has forced me to reconsider my aversion to generic internet tests. I figure any test which equates myself and Einstein cannot be all bad, right? Einstein had unruly hair. I have unruly hair. Einstein had a big nose, I have a big nose. Einstein was a Jewish immigrant (to America). My great-grandmother was a Jewish immigrant (to Australia). Need I go on?

Now I remember

There I was, walking up a mountain in the Welcome Creek Wilderness. As the walk became steeper, my breathing became more labored. As my breathing became more labored, the more inclined I was to take a rest. The more inclined I was to take a rest, the more I pushed myself, disgusted with my own level of conditioning. The more I pushed myself, the more labored my breathing became. The circle was feeding itself. And then, something happened. My lungs opened. It is nice to remember how good a deep breath of fresh air feels. Incentive enough to stay off the butts for another week, though I must confess they are presenting quite a challenge to my fortitude.

bug glasses

bug glasses
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

Little girls like to accesorize. She hasn't taken to them yet. She prefers her pacifer. she has officially tried them on.

the wonderful mobile is so bright. Her Daddy likes to look at it while trying to convince little Kaia to take a nap.

Done

Well, my two cartons of Mild Seven Lights lasted till about a week ago. Now, it's cold turkey. Been going for about a week, and I must confess it's not so easy. Trying to break the time killing element of it appears to be the most difficult thing. Wash the dishes, go to the porch, don't have a cigarette. Finish reading a book, set it down to contemplate, don't have a cigarette. Driving through town, roll down the window, don't have a cigarette. Fortunately, all women here think I am J-Hole's age, eliminating that particular cigarette.

Red A's Patent Hangover Blogging System

The key is to make your post BEFORE you go to poker, lose your money, and get drunk.

You might also get into a dumb argument with AJ, but he's pretty cool when you climb down from your high horse 5 minutes in. Wait that was last week.

Here, for your week-end enjoyment, Lego Porn.

Hat tip: The Smoking Tongue, but don't go there if you're queasy hung because he's the dude who eats a bottle of hot sauce a day.

Taichung Sucks!

So, I went out yesterday to do some looting, but the damn store only had plum-colored sweatsuits in polyester and not even my size. I was going to grab some diapers for my kid, but then I decided a bunch of beer would be a better choice - I only have so many arms and need to maximize value for arm capacity.

See, I'm a rational looter.

Anyone else find themselves weathering the storm watching CNN coverage of New Orleans?

Okay, I did not do that either - I was watching sitcoms I recorded on my PVR since cable went out.