Sunday, December 31, 2006

Guns Are Up!

CB Antonio Huffman and Coach Mike Leach

TEXAS TECH 44 - MINNESOTA 41 - That is right, all you sayers of 'nay." The Red Raiders beat the Golden Gophers in the Insight Bowl. We in Taichung were fortunate enough to watch it at FuBar off of D-Wayne's Slingbox. I supplied Tech shirts for any who would support the Raiders, and most of the throng did so. Much of the game was spent in despair warding off the jibes from my friends - some of which I suspect knew the outcome or else they were just being assholes - and attacks from the Commander whenever he awoke from his shandy stupor. Big John even lent a hand by taking off his jeans at the bar, turning them inside-out and wearing them. His rally jeans brought us a quick score. Mr. Bean also pitched in by donning a shirt after two or three refusals to do so. Another quick score ensued after he saw the sartorial light and wore the red and black. For my part, my Tech sweatshirt, socks, belt and boxers sustained us through the agonizing first two-thirds of the game until we reached rally position. Click here to read about the game which saw the biggest comeback in Div I-A bowl games. Granted that Coach Leach said he never wanted to be in that position to begin with, but coming back from 31 points midway through the 3rd quarter, tying the game on a last second 52-yard field goal and winning in overtime makes for some good entertainment. Again, thanks to D-Wayne for going to the trouble to find and show the game for us.

Standing: Bo, myself, D-Wayne
Comatose: the Commander

Saturday, December 30, 2006

At Fubar earlier, D-Train showed us this little vid of 2 dinosaurs and a pig...

Gets funnier with repeated viewings...

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Matsu has my address

I am now receiving mail from some Matsu association asking for money.

The wife says we have to donate.

If I give enough can I be one of the drunken guys carrying his palanquin?

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Only 36!

I feel like I'm channeling Red A here but...

minnesota democrat keith ellison plans to be sworn in with a quran/koran instead of a bible as the first muslim elected to congress...

virginian republican virgil goode calls for tighter immigration policies to limit muslims in office... despite the fact that ellison can trace his american roots back to 1700...

Monday, December 25, 2006

X-Mas Card

What a great card.
Yes. those are not industrial holly, they are metal studs. The merry Christmas was done with black spray paint. He was an interesting student. Too bad this years crop doesn't have much life.. well there is still six months to pry them open. Ok. I have a few students that are interesting.

"An Atheist Can Believe in Christmas"

Richard Dawkins, author of "The God Delusion", when asked if an atheist could celebrate Christmas wrote,

“Presumably your reason for asking me is that ‘The God Delusion’ is an atheistic book, and you still think of Christmas as a religious festival,” Mr. Dawkins wrote, in a reply printed here in its entirety. “But of course it has long since ceased to be a religious festival. I participate for family reasons, with a reluctance that owes more to aesthetics than atheistics. I detest Jingle Bells, White Christmas, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, and the obscene spending bonanza that nowadays seems to occupy not just December, but November and much of October, too.”

He added: “So divorced has Christmas become from religion that I find no necessity to bother with euphemisms such as happy holiday season. In the same way as many of my friends call themselves Jewish atheists, I acknowledge that I come from Christian cultural roots. I am a post-Christian atheist. So, understanding full well that the phrase retains zero religious significance, I unhesitatingly wish everyone a Merry Christmas.”

I got this hand made card this morning from a former student of Kevlar's. He's a senior and calls himself Ken Punk. He listens to the Sex Pistols... I made him a Ramones disc last year I think... notice the studs... classic!

Kevlar got his own version which I hope he publishes.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Christmas at Taichung City Hall

Censorship in the 21st Century

Here is a New York times, complete with blacked out sections as per the White House. Here are the authors' reflections on what those deleted contained and why they should not have been omitted from the article. When will the press stand up to the administration? My guess is no time soon.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Ass Crack Bandit part 2

The Ass Crack Bandit - the origin coming soon!

Miss Bikini World

Last night D-Wayne, the Commander, Angie (for a bit) and myself watched the 2006 Miss Bikini World pageant at FuBar. I was starting out already disappointed because the contest was originally slated to be held at a Buddhist monastery in Puli, near Taichung, but was then moved to the National University Gym in Taibei. Didn't get much better. Sorta like going to the Ponderosa buffet and seeing taco fixings and then discovering they throw in cans of corn into the taco meat. Anyway, it went sorta like this.

The opening number was some sort of traditional Chinese (I guess) dance that I'd never seen before. At the end of their number, the dancers raised a sheet and dropped it to reveal a group of Tai Ke hip-hop dancers busting down the catwalk. They were led by some tallish, overweight kid who was either wearing a wig or stole Macy Gray's hair - and he was sporting a rainbow Astro's jersey. They segued from traditional gong and clanging music to a hip-hopped version of the theme from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. How, or more importantly, why that was done I have no idea. I am now certain that I will punch the next guy who tells me that his profession is DJ.

The 40 contestants then entered wearing traditional garb, though I didn't know traditional Czech clothing came from KOA. Outside of Miss Trailer Park Europe, the only other notable was Miss Mexico who wore something on her head that resembled in size and appearance the spread tailfeathers of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade turkey. The crowd, of which I saw no one under 60, all looked like Taiwan's ex-mainland lawmakers puzzled as to how so many barbarians could be allowed to enter the country not wearing handcuffs. All of this was accompanied by the Commander's and D-Wayne's complaining about the female Taiwanese host's English. Yeah, she did manage to make festival sound like basketball but she was much more whiney and annoying in her native tongue.

Part two is beginning as D-Wayne is finishing his handicapping of the first round. And we get...evening gowns! Everyone is disappointed, though not for the same reason. D-Wayne and myself for the obvious, the Commander because so many of the contestants didn't know that "only black" is appropriate for evening gowns. The one who truly lived up to the spirit of this pageant was either Miss Russia or Poland, who wore a sort of bikini gown. It had a small top and a little strap connecting the bottom with a slit up to the proverbial here. No one knows what Miss South Africa was wearing because we were all staring at her facial expression which I can only describe as a high sneer with a full dental (high degree of difficulty, though).

Finally, the bikinis! At this point the male host has pretty much taken over the English responsibilities and does and good job with pronunciation and phrasing - Here come contestants 21-40 and their bikinis! Miss Malta has been a steady performer and by now is number 1 on everyone's card. Miss Czech Republic amazes me and manages to make a college boy's week-old underwear look nicer than a bikini. I'm noticing a distinct lack of boobal matter among the ladies. This is especially true of Miss Taiwan who seems to be filling her cups with her shoulderblades. Ah, here comes Miss Australia paying tribute to the Aussie cattle industry. Miss South Africa scares again. Misses Malta, Spain, Venezuela, Tanzania, Russia, Poland and Hungary keep us tuned in.
The award ceremony starts with 10 awards with titles like Miss Platinum and Miss Internet, but sadly, no Miss Most Wanted. Somehow - oh yeah, we're in Taiwan- Miss Taiwan gets 4th Runner-up. It's here that my wife calls and I tell her I only need 10 more minutes to finish watching the Miss Bikini World pageant. The phone goes dead and then she immediately calls back telling me to withdraw this month's salary and give it to her now. The show continues and none of us picked the winner. Hell, Miss Malta didn't even show. Hungary got it and we got out of there (and I went straight to the ATM).

World's Most Dangerous Roads

Check it out. Also included is some crazy Chinese hiking trail. I'm sure Bread will explain how he has traveled all of these roads but feels the Chad-Sudan road should have been included due to the sheer paucity of African princesses to seduce.

I thought Soho Street would be included, but alas, the danger of chess geeks molesting you as you pass from PJ's to Fubar is not considered as perilous as bus plunges and quicksand.

Also how does this tunnel road compare to Taiwan's cross mountain tunnel roads?

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Dr. Kevin de Cock

I had to look up the etymology on this name. Dr. Kevin de Cock. Of Cock. Of the Cock. I have a friend named Kevin. I had to find out. What's this Cock mean? Canadian musician Bruce Cockburn pronounces his name Co-burn. Is de Cock said like it looks? Or is there some European twist that makes it sound more sophisticated?

It's Dutch or Flemish for 'cook' and derives from the occupation.

Does that mean Bruce Cockburn comes from a family of bad cooks?

Other famous Cocks include Christina Cock, an Aussie supercentenarian and Bob Cock who isn't a true Cock but a man who took the Cock name.

Other Cocks and de Cocks.

Feed 'em some steak- The China Post reports that Kuo Wen-pin, counselor at the Office of the President, will be disciplined for a visit to what is described as a stick girls club. He expressed deep regret and is to receive one demerit for visiting the club, where orgiastic partying is said to have taken place. Buddy lawmaker, Lin Chung-mo, rushed nails to lawmakers' coffins with this defense - It's only human for men to visit such a club. Tell me who in the law chamber hasn't.

On the ball at the U.N. - Circumcision can cut the rate of HIV infection in heterosexual men by 50%, results from two African trials show. Director of the HIV/Aids department of the World Health Organization, Dr. Kevin de Cock, reported these results recently , while cautioning that the results were not a magic bullet. No study in Africa has been done among homosexual men yet, presumably because they've all moved to Taiwan.

JW's West Texas Crossroads Expose

Dusted off from the archives, the classic J-Hole movie "John Expose" or "John Exposed"...

The first part was shot at Kevlar's place in December '02...

John at the Crossroads was shot by Kevlar who knows when, maybe as early as '01...

Re-edited for your enjoyment...

Happy Winter!

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

'Tis the Season

Can't believe it's that time already. Where does the year go? Some of us at Ni Howdy have a bit of trouble picking the perfect gift for our respective spouses. I have come up with a great idea (I hope) for Winnie and I think the Hole might have it figured out too.
FuBar will host a Christmas Dinner on December 24th, between 5 and 6 pm. Football on the big screen and Turkey with all the trimmings. Cost is $300, with proceeds going to the orphanage. Please let me know if you will be attending, so I can prepare.

Sunday, December 17, 2006


What has happened to Chicago/Corona/'I aint no racist but I wish them niggers would stay on the Southside of Chicago' Don?

here's something you don't see every day

D-Wayne's Mom got this Captain Canuck under-oo set for JW. Undies worn separately.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Texas Burger Guy

is on TV. Click here for his appearance on the Food Network's show, Hungry Detective. Click title or sidebar to visit his site and take a long, drooling look at one of his recent reviews, Chris Madrid's Cheddar Cheezy Burger. Things like this make my summer vacation plans so simple.

Goth StylePART 1

"For People Who Make Up" ...

The Most Fun You've Ever Had On Your Face


of Style




PLUS: Everything You Want to Know About
White "Chili" with Chicken and Beans!

placeholder image is 145 x 350

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Charlie Taylor sings Rich People's Daughters, one his catchier songs, you'll be singing along by the end...

definitely NSFW.

Charlie Taylor Live in Taichung Tonight

Charlie Taylor (blog) is performing tonight at the Grooveyard at 9pm or therearound...

If you go see him you may see something like "The Islamic Fundamentalist Blues", posted on this blog last March...

...or you may see something like "Women Are Just Like People"... newly uploaded.

Listen to some of his songs at his My Space site, like "Never Been Too Drunk to Drink" and "Eternal Hangover in Hell" to get you in the mood...

Come get drunk on a Wednesday!

My antibiotics are almost gone anyway!

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Ads are getting better these days!

Stumbled upon this ad while reading the other blog. I guess anyone would be a fool to believe this actually made it on the air. But it's worth a view.

The numbers are out.

800 nt is fine.

Martin Scorcese's Sesame Streets starring Robert Deniro as the voice of Big Bird - trailer.

Mira Sorvino

Mira Sorvino majored in East Asian studies and speaks fluent Mandarin...

Anyone see if she used it in that movie she made with Chou En-Lai, er. Chou Yun-Fat?

Monday, December 11, 2006

Dinner and balloons

Billed as a 10 oz Austrailian beef steak, for 600 nt. The steak was no great wonder, thin, over cooked, no potato, no onions, just some oily sauce which I asked to be on the side. Apparently the chef thought the meat looked bare with out the sauce and broccoli. Ok whatever it says "Matino Steak house". They offered to take it back and spit on it, so I frowned and took it the way it was. Salad, nice soup, steak (eh!), Some nice cheese and crackers, ice cream. Then the chef came out and did this fried banana wrapped in a crepe type thing with a sweet kinda corn syrup... i never had fried banana. It ain't bad.
The second card is a balloon shop. They sell all manner of helium balloons and stock those flashing light toys you see at every lantern festival, evening concert, full moon thingy. A balloon is about 100 nt and they will refill it after the first week for 20 nt. My little girl thinks flying balloons should be in ever room.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

I survived the visit of '06!

After 3 years, my mom and sister-in-law came to Taiwan for a visit. My dad didn't come cuz he is a fraidy cat and won't fly. Was a good visit, we did the usual things, trips to Lugang and San Yi and Yingge. Main purpose was to introduce the boy to his grandma. She was, of course, blown away by his intellect and athletic prowess (hey, he is MY boy). Big thanks to AJ and Sian for some very nice gifts. Nice touch to their visit. And big thanks to The Commander and Smart Angie and Cute Colleen for taking care of FuBar for me while I took some time off to be with my family. Bad news for them and y'all is that mediocre service is back. Sunday was a great day that we saw Taiwan win gold medals at the Asian Games.
For those that this is the high point of the week, here is a HOWIGATI.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

The New Taichung comic

This is the new comic that I am creating that was inspired by Dwayne!

Friday, December 08, 2006

You know you live in Taiwan when...

You are watching NFL Monday Night Football on Friday Night (due to time zones and then Asian Games coverage)


You have watched the first half of the game where it is now tied 7-7, yet ESPN Taiwan has not seen fit to show you any of the two scores or scoring drives. CHECK: 2nd Half had 2 minutes left - 3 scores without showing the scoring play!


Now, I can make some predictions based on this:

a. Some punter is going to break a record, and they want to document it?

b. Amazing 2nd Half

c. Overtime.

We'll see. By the way, it feels so liberating to root against the Eagles knowing that your Eagle fan friends have long since abandoned them this season.

NOTE TO SELF: Fubar would not have these problems. Next time wear a condom and avoid the whole baby/toddler/child never get out syndrome. Condolences Rye.

Reality is better than fiction

While taking a break from my studies, I discovered the Apollo Thirteen Mission Summary on YouTube via Ryan's link over at the I love Kevlar but I'm not gay blog. The movie pales in comparison. Part Two is better than Part One, and Part Three is a general wrapup. All are worth the time.
Happy Birthday Ryan, and tell your mother the same...

Happy birthday Rye

One cold December night back in '72. Old Frosty was hollowing up a storm. The windows were creaking, the wind was whistling. With a trusty pull of the snowmobile cord. Dig Dug was on route to the Woodstock facility. Hunger jumped in, with a quick pit pause for pickled eggs and tea they were on their way. Over drifts and frozen lakes they flew. Bound, the wee one wanted out.
Pitter, Patter, bing bang boom the ski-doo stalled! Out of Petrol, with out skipping a beat. Diggy called on the flask... with roaring engines and flashing lights they arrived. Doctor Dude readied his mit. One out, one strike on the bottom, and safe at first....

And now you know the rest of the story..

Come on What do you think Ry means? Of course that is how he got his name.

He wasn't named after Orion, He wasn't named after Rye bread, Rye only referred to Gypsy from 1850-55. Back in '72 he was named for the whiskey.


Thursday, December 07, 2006

Daddy Got Gout

We had a nice play date for Ivo, Shannon, and Fiona on Sunday. It went pretty much as you would expect: initial shyness, followed by pushing, crying, and the non-sharing of toys.

The highlight was a spectacular head butt laid on Ivo by Fiona. I've been making inquiries to see if Karl and Jerry would train Fiona for a future in the UFC, but I am not sure the UFC allows women to fight. Ivo by the way has a remarkable arm and can throw balls with both accuracy and strength. Keep this in mind for your Fantasy Baseball 2025 picks. Shannon was simply an annoying child - no fussing or fighting, and with amazing verbal skills. Tom, stop making Ryan and me look bad.

While watching the wee 'uns learn how to socialize (or not,) Tom from Changhua and I discussed our gout situations. We both haven't had an attack for years and he knocked on wood when saying that. Note, that I did NOT knock on of course I got the gout one day later. It was a pretty painful attack but subsided in only a day with help from pharmacopoeia.

p.s. and Rye had a good answer when I offered him a non-alcoholic beer:

"Do I look gay?"

Related Tom joke: What's the hardest part about learning to roller blade?

Telling your father you're gay.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

re: kevlar's pig fetish, pig transportation in cambodia - video

And now, I have an announcement

Having done away with the NFC East (save the Cowboys, who whomped 'em in Vince's first game) and the Colts, I am on the bandwagon. So long as VY and Jeff Fischer (the coach they had when they left Houston) are running the show, count me in. GO TITANS!

Only in Montana

So there I was on Sunday, taking a lunch break at Taco Bell, minding my own business. Suddenly, this tall, two fingered fat guy with a flattop walks in, orders a couple of burritos and sits next to me. I immediatly recognize him as our new U.S. Senator, John Tester. We talked about the Griz game the day before (a victory over Southern Illinois, sorry Petra) and shot the breeze about organic farming (of which he is a practicioner). He plays the trumpet so we discussed some of the finer trumpet music out there, from Miles Davis' Sketches of Spain to Mahler's Symphony Number Five. Though in agreement there, he didn't have the same appreciation of the Berlioz Requiem as I do.

You gotta dig a state where you can shoot the breeze with your U.S. Senator without a host of other folk around. He's given us all hope that he won't be done in by the system or the party (he accepted no money from the federal DNC), but I give him one year tops. Then he'll be into it up to his armpits like his predecessor, Conrad Burns and his fellow Democrat, Max Baucus.

Monday, December 04, 2006

James K Polk Video

thanks to Hannibal Jim and his pack of pachyderms for the tip on this one in the comment box... link here

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Rethinking the transportation of animals

Hey PEople send me some money and I will tell these farmers to stop.

Attention Professor Dr. Bread

Just finished watching Penn and Tellers' Showtime series, Bullshit! covering PETA hypocrisy, recycling half-truths and environmental hysteria. The show on environmental hysteria raised some questions for me and seeing as we have a gen-u-ine in-house environmental lawyer-to-be, Bread, I figured he could help me out. So, Bread, put down the seabreeze and put on your tinfoil attorney thinking cap and give me counsel.

  1. First and foremost, do you know Daryl Hannah?
  2. If I can't use wood when making a tree house, what should I use? Would hemp hold up?
  3. If I did use wood to make my tree house, could you get Daryl Hannah to come over and sit in it?
  4. Considering Woody Harrelson's lunatic beliefs, don't you think he has an ironic name?
  5. Since Florida's gonna be gone in 50 years could you help me acquire some future beachfront property in southern Georgia?
  6. I hate my workplace environment. I feel threatened. More than one 7th grader has made fun of my hair ( something I know you can relate to ) and accused me of wearing a rug. Can I sue them? Remember that this is a private school and their parents are loaded. Can we sue them.

Thanks in advance for your reply and I look forward to buying a second-hand AMC Pacer with our windfall.