Thursday, July 31, 2008

The lakes of Titan

Saturn's satellite Titan apparently has an ethane, oily lake on its surface. No truth to the rumor President Bush will soon invade Titan,* though the microscopic bacteria residing on Titan have begun enriching uranium just in case. Having seen what 'the coalition of the willing' did to nonnuclear power Iraq and has not done to nuclear power (allbeit oil poor) North Korea, the bacteria have broken off talks with the Interplanetary Nuclear Watchdog Organization in hopes of getting their bomb built A.S.A.P and thus staving off celestial warfare on their home turf through the threat of mutual destruction.

* rumor first noted in the comment section of the article.

:) Have a good day




Some times u just gotta take th picture.....



The old Professor Peter Peckinpah all purpose anti-personnel Peckinpah pocket pistol under the toupee trick.

Things I found in the China Post (萬 歲!) yesterday

Annual eel-eating season + Traditional eel days + Eel fraud + Eel head extract + Eel bone extract + Japan Tobacco = Of course its Unagi Nobori, or Surging Eel, a canned energy drink.


Extra: 10 weird Japanese soft drinks with pics and some video.


下 一 項
Okay, doctor. You want to help men with erectile dysfunction? Go on. Oh, you'll make a short film. Okay. With puppets.
Here is a better picture of 藍教頭 ( Blue Teaching Head?) demonstrating how to get to second base with 香蕉嫂 ( Fragrant Banana Sister-in-Law).
If you want to see the video, you can go here and hope it loads. After one hour I still haven't gotten past the opening credits.

Coolest U.S. Airways jet

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Oh Boy





What went wrong?
How could some1 screw that up???



Would u believe.....

Today's English Lesson Courtesy of U-Bus


But is it a long O or a short O?

The swim suit is off


I missed the mysterious deadline. The sun moon lake swim registration was July 10.
Not a biggie, I will find something else to do.
Orginally my info said the swim was in September I thought I had time to train. It is on for August 31.
Who wants to be fish food anyway?

The Transporter 3

I'm sure I haven't seen this anywhere before!


Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Transporter 2




Always on the go........




Camptown ladies sing this song.
Doo-dah, doo-dah
Camptown racetrack five miles long
Oh doo-dah day.

I Read the News Today

A Google-free opinion
Waiting for the typhoon winds to lessen a bit to make my ride back home a little easier, I picked up my newspaper searching for any article I had not yet read. I settled on Maureen Dowd's opinion piece titled Stalking, Sniffing, Swooning. I had breezed through it earlier but decided I should give it a thorough read. Why are some columnists more popular than others? Their content? Style? Personality? Some combination of the three? Here are my notes I scribbled from the table outside of my favorite Mom and Pop store.
Passing acquaintances collide in a moment of transcendent passion. They look at
each other shyly and touch tenderly during their Paris cinq à sept, exchange
some existential thoughts under exquisite chandeliers, and — tant pis — go their
separate ways.
She's talking about Obama and Sarko. I don't know what half of this means. A Paris cinq a sept - a six and seven? Is she rating them? Tant pis - again no idea. I thought tant might be uncle and pis is fish. Uncle Fish? Whatever else she is saying, one thing is clear: Women have the same fantasies about two men together as men do about two women together.
"You must want a cigarette after that,” I teased the candidate
after the amorous joint press conference, (speaking to Obama)
Again with the sexual reference. An amorous joint press conference? Where's the video? Was the cheek-kiss, cheek-kiss open mouthed?
Sarko, back to Carla Bruni. Obama, forward to Gordon Brown. A
Man and a Man. All it needed was a lush score and Claude Lelouch.
Sarko, Brown and Obama. That's three males. A Man and a Man. That's only two. She just castrated either Brown or Sarko. That would leave the castrato free to lez out with Bruni. Claude Lelouch is obviously a French cognac.
After spending a third of her column on these Outlandos d'Amour (Hah! Back at you, Maureen), she moves on to her questioning of Obama.
How do you go back to the Iowa farm after you've seen Paree?

“One of the values of this trip for me was to remind me of what this campaign
should be about,” he said. “It’s so easy to get sucked into day-to-day,
tit-for-tat thinking, finding some clever retort for whatever comment your
opponent made. And then I think I’m not doing my job, which should be to raise
up some big important issues.”
What's up with that? I think the people are looking for someone who can do more than just raise some "big important questions." It didn't work for Cliff Claven and it won't work for a presidential candidate.
I asked how his “Citizen of the World” tour will go down in
Steubenville, Ohio.
If he's running for Citizen of the World, shouldn't he be applying to the U.N.?
“There will probably be some backlash,” he said. “I’m a big believer that if
something’s good then there’s a bad to it, and vice versa."
So everything is gray? So could you please explain the bad aspects of your policies?
"We had a good week. That always inspires the press to knock me down a peg.”
Like the German reporter Dowd cites in the last third of her column who enthuses,
"I'm getting hot, and not from the workout. What a
man."
The article concludes with Obama using a scene from "The Color of Money" to describe his situation. Fair enough. But this piece is more suited for the entertainment section, not the op-ed section of the New York Times.
Conclusion: You too can be a reporter. Or , God help us, even a politician.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Philippines Trip: Have it Your Way

Every trip I take out of Taiwan, I always budget in enough time to hit the Burger King in the basement of Terminal 1. I can even put aside my contempt for the flame broiled ( propane flames? butane?) claim long enough to enjoy it.

This time I was headed to the Philippines. The night before, Typhoon Kalmaegi , unloaded in Taichung and was still continuing to rain heavily in the morning. Would I be able to leave? The High Speed Rail said they were still operational. Cebu Pacific's ticketing agent ( they have no actual personnel in Taiwan) ,Fu Hsing Airways, told me to wait as they checked with Manila. The flight was still on. I taxied to the HSR ($200NT), boarded an hour later ($540NT) and debarked in Taoyuan. Shuttled to the airport ( $30NT, not free as they imply) and went to check in.

All Cebu Pacific flights cancelled today due to the typhoon.

Yippie-kie-yie-yay, mother fletcher.

After hearing from my wife that Cebu's rep made a mistake and was very sorry but there is nothing they could do to help me, I decided that I could still enjoy my Whopper.

The prep area for the burgers is just behind the place where you grab your tray. I noticed the woman doing the prepping was squeezing something from a white bottle on every type of burger. Mayonnaise. I confirmed this and asked her to skip the mayo and use that yellow bottle next to the white one and give me a couple of shots of mustard. Okey-dokey, I am ready to eat. The cashier rings up $89NT for the burger, does a double take and asks if I have mustard on it. I hesitate. Is there something wrong with mustard. Is it illegal? I have no idea and answer in the affirmative. She tells me that there is a $10NT fee for " changing sauces."

Me: But I didn't change sauces.
Evil Employee: Yes, you did. You don't have mayonnaise.
Me: But the woman didn't change sauces, she just grabbed a bottle 2 inches away from the mayo and added that. No changing.
E.E.: You have to pay.
Me: (pointing to the wall-sized sign stating that there are 1,124 ways to Have it Your Way!) But what about that?
E.E.: I don't know what that says. It's in English. Do you want it or not?
Me: Yeah. Black store. Black store.
E.E.: What?
Me: Nothing.

What is Burger King doing? They charge me 10% of the burger price to have mustard. When did mustard become so valuable? Who's to blame? Mustard speculators? Big Mustard? Colonel Mustard? I am definitely petitioning the King about this one.

I take the bus back to Taichung ($240) and taxi back to my house ($130) and prepare to do it all over the next day. A $1,239NT Whopper.

"Hold the pickles,

Hold the lettuce.

Special orders don't upset us.

All we ask is that you let us charge you extra.

Have it your way."

Ni Howdy Continent Share




Risk any1?
Typhoon Day :)


I asked you not to tell me that!

Thank you Kevlar

I come home drunk at 1:30 a.m. Sunday thinking my Monday will be a living hell.

Wait, Kevlar says Monday is a Typhoon day?

That's impossible! The weather was windy but not too bad!

Turn on the TV and he's right!

Karl, we could have kept the party going!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Snow day in August

It ain't a snow day it is our second typhoon day, and our second typhoon related long weekend this month. A weekday off, sweet Jesus, Yes!

Club Manila

Contrary to Esquire Willy's report that "that ain't there no more," the Club Manila in the international airport is still around. Located on the second floor after you pass customs, it offers quiet, comfortable seating, a mini-buffet, hot showers with towel, wi-fi, 15 minutes of free Internet, newspapers and mags, and an open bar. Cost is 560 peso / 387 NT / $12.75 US. A good bargain and a good place to relax if you have time to kill before your flight.

I am here now waiting for my flight back to Taiwan. See you soon.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

L H D L a k e H o o d A i r p o r t






















Did you know:
TOTAL Annual Aircraft Operations out of LHD 69,400
Ground and Water departures

Crazy....




And Loving It!

Friday, July 25, 2008

Prince William Sound





26 Glacier Cruise.......
All in 1 day:)






missed it by that much.....

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Taiwan's Malaise Extends to Little League

Taiwan’s Little League baseball team was knocked out of the Asia Pacific Little League Championship yesterday in Hong Kong, after losing 4-1 to the home team at the Hong Kong Disneyland Resort.
They lost to Hong Kong!?!?? I was not aware of a thriving baseball tradition in the ex-British colony and can't even really imagine where they find enough open space to practice. Who do they play against?

Well, apparently they are 5-0, so converted cricket players do alright at hardball.

Further in the story, we find some interesting writing or translation:
The extrovert Li switched with Tu in the bottom of the extra inning and performed outstandingly.
Extrovert must be code for "left-handed relief pitcher."

In any case, President Ma has broken yet another campaign promise by not bringing back the Little League championship trophy to Taiwan. Pathetic.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Random

Joke of the Day

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golfballs and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, 'It's golf balls'. Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said. After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, 'Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?'


Training Day

video




WHY?



What do the video clip and the pic have in common? (see labels for answer)

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Look, Listen and Live




Good advice anyway u look @ it......





123 main st

$100NT / $3.30US Haircut


Located inside of the Carrefour building, next to the entrance, is CQ2. CQ2 is a four-seater haircut place. No frills and usually no waiting except for back-to-school time when Moms take their tykes to get shorn.
I took this picture after getting my buzz cut. The little boy is David, one of my wife's students. You can notice that his shirt and right pants leg appear to be wet. That is because he threw up on himself and was sitting, happily, waiting for his mother as she went into Carrefour to buy him a new pair of pants.
At CQ2, you place your $100NT into the machine that David is leaning against and get a ticket with a number on it. When your number is up, enter and let them work their low-level magic. When you are finished, they vacuum you. You can see one of the white vacuum hoses hanging above the purple $100NT sign on the left.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Everyone knows who wears it but who said it?

WANT ADS

I need a substitute teacher, so I can take a vacation. August 4 - 8. Kindy/ESL. 9am -5pm, off from 12 til 2. I might have someone who can do mornings, so even someone who can cover afternoons would be great. Spread the word!

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Smell my shoe! And my pit!

Watching sportscenter in English this week has been an absolute pleasure. Setting lineups in fantasy leagues at supper time as opposed to 6 AM has been equally wonderful.

I'd never seen a manager protest a call like this before.

Minor league manager Kash Beauchamp telling the ump he stinks.

AXN Sunday Afternoon

Man Vs. Beast II

5 midgets will race against a 1,500 lb. camel.

If anyone knows who won, let me know, because I changed the channel.

No Hitters, Stoney's move, and Murakami

Went to a ball game in Helena the other night. The visiting Osprey scored a single run in the top of the first (after loading the bases with no outs). And a good thing they did, as three Osprey pitchers (including Jesse Orosco, Jr.) combined to throw a no hitter. The game took two hours flat and would be the last win the Osprey would post until....? Yes, the current, post no hitter losing streak is at 10 (pending the outcome of this evening's game against the Idaho Falls Chukars) and none of the games have been close. Depressing times in the world of A ball.

Stoney has returned to this side of the Pacific, meaning our list of contributors is now balanced between North America and Eastern China. Good luck on this side Rye, enjoy clean air, large women, and beast f...er's ranch porn.

Finally, I made a rule about reading Murakami at night during law school. I simply will not do it. He tends to leave me perplexed and staring into the darkness at three in the morning grasping to understand exactly what I have just read. Well, I broke my little rule for his lesser known novel South of the Border, West of the Sun. The novel centers on a middle aged man twisting around in life, recounting his own past, etc. -- typical Murakami stuff. I thought surely I could read it for an hour and put it down. Alas. I read the whole thing, meandered to the living room, sat down on my carpet and wallowed in my own confusion until sunrise when I had to go to work. Lesson: self imposed, stupid rules are there for a reason (like don't take home girls who have more rings on their face than on their ears) and should not be broken lightly. I will not be reading Murakami at night again.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Poker

My house, Saturday night. Call if you can make it. Iron cross will be permitted, but I ain't playin.


No cover charge, and no games with the unlikely name of "Karl's game with Brett's variation using southern Georgian hand values"

HOWIGATI




Best Video Ever, watch to the end!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Half Way Round The World in 44 Hours

It's only 11 AM but I'm cracking a beer. I can't help it. My body thinks it's midnight Wednesday.
We are successfully installed in the New Brunswick countryside coping with massive jet lag but elated to be here. It's 30 degrees and muggy but refreshing compared to those last hectic days in Taichung, packing and sweating.

We caught the midnight flight to Vancouver Monday and arrived there 11 and a half hours later, which turned out to be 5 and half hours or so before we left. So we got to do parts of the 7th twice. We struggled through immigration and customs, spent 7 hours at a hotel in crappy Richmond before flying the next morning on a delayed (2 hours) flight to Toronto, hence missing our connection to Freddy Town. That flight, which we were lucky enough to reschedule for the same day, was delayed a further 2 hours due to heavy rains. We arrived in Freddy Town at 1:15 AM Wednesday morning and to my parents' house at 3 AM, putting the total travel time at somewhere around 44-45 hours.

Here are some things I learned moving half way around the world with my wife, 2 kids, 7 20+ kg bags, 4 carry ons, 2 laptops and a stroller.

- We had a lot of shit. More than I thought. We were still moving it an hour before departure.

- Kevlar will take your stuff. He may say he won't but in the end he will. Thanks Kev.

- I needed to hire 2 cabs to get us and the stuff to the HSR in Wu Re.

- The HSR station doesn't have any carts for carrying luggage. No porters either.

- There are no carts because they are "...unsuitable and dangerous."

- It became clear once we got to the platform that managing our luggage and the kids was going to be impossible. We decided to get a cab. Rather, cabs.

- The HSR staff will refund your purchased tickets at a 20 NT penalty.

- I probably paid too much but both drivers were awesome and friendly. It was a smooth ride. I should have arranged a van to begin with.

- The red eye to Vancouver is great if you have kids. They slept most of the way.

- Vancouver airport has porters. I hired a man named Amir immediately after getting through immigration. He ended up waiting for us while we were being detained at customs.

- It's easier to say that you're just visiting Canada than you're actually moving to Canada, especially if someone in the family isn't Canadian. This mistake cost us an extra 2 hours.

- Telling the truth is for suckers. And this just in, nice guys finish last.

- You can store your bags at the airport.

- Richmond BC is pretty lame after 11pm. Everything was in Chinese but there were no people around. And no food. Weird. Had to walk a mile to a Tim Horton's.

- 3 year olds will pick gum from underneath seats and while chewing ask, "What is this?"

- 1 year olds, at least mine does anyway, love pay phones.

- Air Canada will give you a free drink if your flight has been delayed. Otherwise it's 6 bucks per.

- Headphones are free but a blanket and pillow combo costs 2 bucks.

- 3 olds usually need to use the facilities near or at final boarding calls.

- We were the last ones off every flight.

- AC flight attendants like to gossip about who's screwing the pilot.

- Don't let your kids play in the path of shackled convicts under police escort.

- We traveled with 2 laptops but no one ever asked us to turn them on and we only had to show them once.

- After each flight landed Ivo asked, "Are we in Canada now?"

- This beer tastes like another.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Is it just me?


Or do these stewardesses just seem a little bit too touchy with each other?

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

off 2 U




Another Taiwan Beer Factory moment.
Last picture a little fuzzy....
Could b th beer?
Or may b th Taiwanese behind the camera:)




123 main street

Monday, July 07, 2008

Hats

Tyler: King Vitamin or Burger King?

Hannibal: Went MIA after the cancellation of Hello Larry.


PJ: One of the two humans to touch The Dogs Who Shall Not Touch Earth.




Red A: We're not sure if that's even a hat or a halo of barley.



Karl: A reprise, but vampire hunters are always cool.




Frenchie: Claims it's not a location, but a proclamation.



Bread: I'm still using freeware. I can't crop everything. And no, Frenchie isn't looking to harm Bread. That's just his I-don't-like-male-breasts-throw-up-face.



Lance: Now, this guy would never get a ticket in Montana.



"It's been a good run."


Weekend BBQ





I no sum of u don't consider this BBQ,
but it b th best we have in Dongguan:)

4th of July left ovrs ........


b opn from China?
X-strait flights?
RMB/NTD xchange?

What this Asia coming 2 .......
Billionaires, Swiming pools & movie stars .......

The Chief