Friday, April 29, 2005

For Yuri. Though by outraged recapitualation. RRRAAAMMMPPHHH!!! tight silk...Whacking Day? WHACKING DAY?? WHACKING DAY!!! rEd." VENETian*@ blinds. All offf mossa. Computer, SPEAK! cheERS Ahoy.

Note: Please refer to Yuri's comments regarding Things I Learned at the Sports Festival.

7 11 has a new friend

Originally uploaded by kevlar1.
Soon it maybe easy to find a GOOD store on every corner. Rye and I stopped by to sample some suds. It is a good place. Quiet, no lines, no ques, no problems. How easy giving directions will be. Turn right at the 7 11, go by the big egg it is on the left, after the OK. It is GOOD, someday maybe great!

water cheap

Originally uploaded by kevlar1.
I am now officially out of the water carry business. Following AJ's tip I now have water delievered to my door. No more quick trips to the 7. 160 nt plus deposit 38 litres of water. Thanks AJ.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

I'm Comin'

Karl has a small diatribe against Lance and Paul and their knowledge (or lack there of) regarding the longest river in North America. Certainly the MacKenzie is longer than the Mississippi, but the Missouri-Mississippi system is far superior. But why is it superior? Its length? Its waters? No, my friends, it's superior because of that section where it begins in Yellowstone. Like any intelligent thing would do, it gets the hell out of Wyoming ASAP, bypassing Jackson Hole entirely, and heads straight up the belly of Western Montana. And that's what Karl's post reminds me of, that part of the Gallatin River (tributary to the Missouri, which forms at Three Forks) where I spent a long week being outwitted by Gallatin rainbows. Fear not little fishies, I will be back, sooner than you think.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Tonight's Menu

Rib eye steak and Baked Potatoes

Rib eye steak (Prime):
Lump charcoal
Mesquite chips
Nothin' else-no salt or pepper
Baked potato:
Olive oil
Fresh rosemary, thyme, oregano,
garlic,salt and pepper

Things learned at the All Sports Festival

In the theme of self awareness, a quick list of things to be noted from last Sunday's events:

1. Drunk footballers are no match for girl frisbee players.
2. J-Hole is a better kicker of a soccer ball than Brett is a goalie.
3. Jim's knee and Frenchie's nose look better in hues of purple, green and blue.
4. Red-A likes beer. A lot.
5. Drunk footballers are no match for fat rugby guys, even in football.
6. Kirk and Yuri do nothing half speed.
7. Lance doesn't fully comprehend the team element of sport.
8. Dwayne needs to be more assertive with his talents.
9. Frenchie would bet the pope ten beers on the history of Christian theology if challenged.
10. Drunk footballers are no match for whiney English soccer players. Let that sink in. Ouch.
11. Dean-O, Rye Guy, and Kevlar are pretty relaxed individuals. When the shit hits the fan, I want them around.
12. I am too old for this shit, and I was one of the younger guys on our team.

I am not sure I am a better person for having discovered these things about my friends and about life, but there they are.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Things learned from Korea

As most readers know I spent the weekend in Korea. Went hiking, visited markets, checked out girls, ate at Dunkin' Donuts, and basically had a nice couple of days. Here are some notes on Korea for those interested in going:

One: Korean women are hot, really hot.
Two: When your brother gets loaded on So-ju the night before you arrive, it's best to delay arrival until the next day in order to avoid the puke smell in the hotel room.
Three: Best not to call Koreans 'dog-eaters' to their face (be warned Petra).
Four: Business hotels are nice, but not two hundred dollars worth of nice.
Five: Seoul can seem sterile when in the business district, but beyond that it's a pretty cool town.
Six: When walking with the secretary for the Ghanian ambassador (Korean female), politely nod when she says "Taiwanese women don't know how to take care of themselves, I mean, they don't wear any cosmetics."
Seven: Korean women wear lots of cosmetics.

Anyhow, for you prospective Korean travelers, I hope this helps. For those of you care not of such triviality, find another blog!

Bread is leaving in a few months

So guys, I suggest we all pitch in and get him a gift.

Here's my suggestion.

Or is this more appropriate?

And of course, Bread will be selling this on E-Bay real soon.

Sorry if I spilled any secrets Bread.

Saturday, April 23, 2005


Originally uploaded by kevlar1.
Got bored and trashed an old T-shirt anyone else need a name and number

The in-laws are coming. Okay... They're going to stay at my house. Well... okay. They're going to stay for 2 weeks. HOLY HELL! NO WAY. GIVE THEM MONEY AND MAKE THEM GO AWAY! NOW! Ah, I got ahead of myself. These are the Hong Kong in-laws, not the Taichung in-laws. Yep. Two sets of in-laws from the one, and only, wife. Blessed I am.

Actually, they've already been here a week. Let's take a look at the two sets and see if we can discern any reasons for their behavior regarding me and the one-and-only wife. I have truly gained much and learned from both sets. The Taichungers introduced me to parts of Sino-Taiwanese culture that, for the most part, remains hidden from prying Round-Eye. Let's take Patriot Day. Bet you didn't know about that one. Well, on this day, all loyal patriots eschew all things foreign. Don't look at it as a denial, but rather as an affirmation. I stupidly scheduled our wedding on that day and have since come to realize why they weren't able to make the 5 blocks to the courthouse for our wedding. If I wrongly felt disturbed, no worry. Reconciliation Day follows soon after. Here, salaried foreign devils are encouraged to bequeath a sum of money to show their remorse at failing to understand fully the intricacies of the culture.

For the Hong Kongers, something even less prosaic, if that is possible. H.K. dad is a pork butcher. H.K. mom is a pork cooker. And a beef cooker. Shrimp, oyster, chicken, clam and fish cooker as well. True carnitarians. Never without smiles and often laughing, their response to a question about vegetarians was overjoying and opened my wallet to them forever - "We despise them." Said with a giggle and a smile. Two weeks is too short. The fridge, kitchen counters and shelves have been cleaned. The curtains in our bedroom were washed and cleaned. No scolding. Just wanting to make the house better for us. Coming home from work their first day here, I found Dad asleep on the couch with my dog, Tassy, asleep on his stomach. They have talked to and loved Tassy more in one week than the Taichungers have done amongst themselves in a lifetime. I am judged caring when I put out juice to warm up for my sick wife. Loving when I initiate the cleanup after supper. Sufferance is granted on the premise that my wife is first, as it should be - but is not always practiced. Should I stray, I know that Mom would be on a plane here from Hong Kong to kick my butt before I could get on one to escape. I ain't even gonna think about testing that one out. What do I have to worry about? Nothing. And like she just said,"You don't know? So what? Mom knows everything."

Friday, April 22, 2005

Let's Freeze PJ and bring him back in 2055

Restaurants in Texas for J-Hole

Just read down the message board.

Here's another resource or two for when he moves back.


But he might not like these people who seem to badmouth Lubbock as "very conservative and meat eating." Is that an insult or a compliment?

J-Hole could even invite his Hong Kong family to eat at any of these restaurants, including one in Lubbock itself. I'm surprised the owner hasn't been "lynched" yet.

In case anyone is physically sickened, the antidote is here.

France & Taiwan

France is once again shaming the United States with her morally superior and nuanced foreign policy:
At the outset of a three-day visit to China, French Prime Minister Jean-Pierre Raffarin said he supported Beijing's "anti-secession" law on Taiwan, and vowed to keep pushing for an end to an EU arms embargo that could open the door for Paris to sell weapons to the Asian giant.
That's right - France supports the Chinese invasion of democratic Taiwan and wants to arm China to assist in this effort. This seems awful unilateral - I wonder if they've cleared this with the EU and the UN security council?

And, I wonder if the Taipei Times editors will again call for a boycott of French products.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Ba Gua Buddha

ba gua buddha

If we're gonna be The Ba Gua of Blogs, we may as well have the Buddha watching over us.

For those of you who don't know, Ba Gua Shan is the prettiest little park area in Changhua City and atop it sits this Buddha. On a clear day, though they are rare, you can see past Lugang and out into the Taiwan Strait. If you're so inclined, you can even climb up inside and get the Buddha's eye view of the surroundings. The sunsets look great even through the pollution and this was the first place I've ever seen ostrich eggs for sale.

If you're in the Changhua area head out to THE CROSSROADS for tasty betel nut and cheap brews. It's Taiwanese country livin' all the way. For directions, talk to the J-Hole. We've been meaning to get back out there to see A-He and his brother A-Ha.

Dear co-bloggers and reader. As mentioned before, I have been doing some experimenting with the header. Compare the one on-site and the one here - font colors as well. Tell me what you think.

Warning: Political Screed

Remember after 9/11 when a lot of congressmen (mostly with D following their name) demanded that we federalize all airport screeners to improve security? Remember also the campaign to allow these workers to be unionized?

At the time, I just couldn't buy that simply making someone a Federal employee, improving their salary, and then allowing them into a union would really improve that person's productivity. It wasn't as if they fired all the screeners and then they re-hired at better wages - that probably would attract better talent. Instead, we just kept the same people in their jobs and boosted the money and benefits.

Well, the results are now in.
Private screeners outperform federal peers at US airports
Note, this article doesn't even mention COSTS, just effectiveness.

I'm sure the private screeners are much cheaper. Now, we all know that Bush has created a massive deficit that we desperately need to cut to save our children's future. Well, now is a golden opportunity to cut some costs while improving the screening. Do you think we will see any Democratic congressmen stand up and say that we should now privatize the screening jobs?
Oregon Representative Peter DeFazio, a senior Democrat on the aviation subcommittee, opposes private screeners.
I guess not. After all, he says they are only slightly better than the federal employees. Ignore that "slightly better" when applied to millions of passengers could potentially catch the next terrorist. (For example, 33.5 million passengers use Phoenix airport yearly.)

The saddest part of this story?
The Homeland Security Department's acting inspector general, Richard Skinner, issued a separate report on Tuesday that said the screeners' performance hadn't improved since the previous audit, which indicated screeners had not improved since before the 2001 terror attacks.
So, all the work at the TSA, all the laws passed, all the shoes checked etc. was basically for nothing.

What kind of D&D Dice are you?

I am a d8

Take the quiz at

yeah, I know the singular is die, but I don't care.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Been messing around with the header/banner or whatever. Patience and feedback, guys.

I am now dating Kevlar

According to the New York Times, we went on a "man date" on Monday.

Simply defined a man date is two heterosexual men socializing without the crutch of business or sports. It is two guys meeting for the kind of outing a straight man might reasonably arrange with a woman. Dining together across a table without the aid of a television is a man date; eating at a bar is not. Taking a walk in the park together is a man date; going for a jog is not. Attending the movie "Friday Night Lights" is a man date, but going to see the Jets play is definitely not.
Oh, and yes, the author's name?


I am saddened that Taiwan has lost this talent.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

China once again beats Taiwan

They are eating Taquitos.

Need I say anything more? Oh yeah, I liked this:

Grandma isn't always happy with Americans that come to China in the name of benevolence. Too many don't take teaching or helping seriously, she feels. "I had one college-graduate teacher who always looked like he just woke up. It leaves a bad impression," she says. "I try to teach how important it is to put effort into things."
I guess she would not be impressed with Taichung.

Local Bidness

* Again, the All Sports Die-athon will be April, 24 at Ling Dong College. Noon is start time and the football team needs bodies. Live and breathing, not like ours. Talkin' to you Big Ell.
* PJs is a No Smoking and now also a No Kevin area. Ban for life begins immediately.
* Though the ban on some U.S. beef has been lifted, we won't see the effects of this until the end of April. This is from a Taiwanese importer, not the Poobah.
* Finally, for two of our co-bloggers who come from Above the Party, and have not figured out the search function on our blog or the read function in their brain, a definition of barbecue: Meat cooked in the dry heat of wood coals at temperatures around the boiling point of water (212*F at sea level). For the true etymology of the word, go to Smoky, click Getting Started on the left. Yes, I know that barbecue has become a catch-all word for any food thrown upon a grill. Still, it's a misnomer.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Best Sign Ever II


I tried this post earlier with a bigger picture but it threw off whole balance of the blog for some reason so here it is again.
This was where Aaron the Beer Baron and his hired help, Chico Tom and Stinky Will (all the way from Hong Kong) set up shop at Spring Scream peddling those oh so delicious brands of microbrew. A guest appearance by Kevlar was made on Saturday night and he quickly made himself useful by jumping in to give the boys a break with own unique brand of salesmanship.
I distinctly remember an exasperated young woman from Kaoshiung exclaiming, "Is everyone from Taichung like you?!?" K did great and all who drank the Baron's beer came back for more at some point. My personal favorite was the IPA though Aaron said the Grant's Scottish Ale sold better due huge interest from the Brits. The popular Blue Star was also there as were the ciders, which Matt from 24/7 consumed with a passion on Sunday if I recall correctly...
Thanks for providing the quality brew Aaron and I hope you can make it again next year...

You wanna post cool stuff?

Go here,
it's a can of corn.

Not welcome at J-Hole's House

At least not until we all get those NRA membership cards in the mail.

HOUSTON - With an assault weapon in each hand, rocker and gun rights advocate Ted Nugent urged National Rifle Association members to be "hardcore, radical extremists demanding the right to self defense."

Speaking at the NRA's annual convention Saturday, Nugent said each NRA member should try to enroll 10 new members over the next year and associate only with other members.

"Let's next year sit here and say, 'Holy smokes, the NRA has 40 million members now,'" he said. "No one is allowed at our barbecues unless they are an NRA member. Do that in your life."

Incredibly Cool: Google offers Satellite Maps

Type in your home address, City, State and see what's going on.

Update: Oh, yes, you need to click "Satellite" on the right hand side or you just get street maps.

Hmmmm, could I get Mom to write HELLO in big white letters for the next pass?

Charlie Taylor

Charlie Taylor

I've seen this guy perform at each of the last three Spring Screams. If you ever hear about him playing anywhere you should definitely check him out. Along with older tunes like "Ain't No Hippy" and "Rockin' In The R.O.C.", he came out this year with some new gems, "Women Are Just Like People" and "The Islamic Fundamentalist Blues". ("...let's take the mental out of fundamentalist...") Raunchy and funny lyrics abound. Easily offended feminists be warned, approach his shows with an open mind... Thanks Charlie, wherever you are...

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Please click link for photo "enhancement."

Confirmation Clarification

Last night I happened by Salut for an evening of music, pizza and lesbians. This in and of itself is nothing spectacular, certainly not blogworthy. However, I ran into BigEll and we were having a little chat with Dean and Frenchie when Frenchie congratulated him on his recent confirmation (as detailed in this blog around Easter time). The exact exchange went something like this.

Frenchie: I just want to congratulate you on your big news.
Elliot (expectant father): Thanks man, we're looking forward to it.
Frenchie: I'm not really a religious guy, but whatever floats your boat
Elliot (stoned?): It should be fun
Brett: Frenchie, this isn't the Elliot that got confirmed
Frenchie: Really?
Dean: I thought you got confirmed
Elliot (finally clueing in): No man, that wasn't me, that was some other guy
Brett: That was skinny Elliot
Elliot (laughing): I got confirmed when I was eight
Frenchie: So you are a Catholic. I knew it.
Dean: Who becomes Catholic in this day and age?
Ellio (confused again): I didn't convert!
Frenchie: I went to your website, why do you have a list of your favorite popes?

Note to all seven readers: Elliot Bougis (whom most of you have never met) is a recent convert, not the sports loving BigEll. Elliot's Blog does have a list of favorite popes, whereas BigEll's blog has write-ups on the latest in hip hop and frequently discusses pot usage. They are not the same person.

Building a better Taichung

If you're translating that from German, no problem. If you're using the Yiddish, well, there's a difference.

Penghu xiansheng or xiaojie?

Penghu was beautiful. I've never been there, but the version of it in my dream was great, minus one thing. The streets had been replaced with Venice-style canals without the filth. Major thoroughfares were wide and clear. Broad, flat-bottomed Chinese junks floated on a small layer of water. Much like an air hockey table but with water. Smaller streets and lanes consisted of Six Flags-like flume rides. Cruising around Penghu, my flume took me to a bar - PJ's Penghu. PJ finally achieved his dream of expanding his empire. Efficient service, clean guest rooms, an activities director and even a travel agency. And then there was the staff. Twelve ambitious,polite and knowledgeable people all waiting on us, but especially their leader, PJ, like Siegfrieds to their Roy. And, they were all male.

The Sage Wore Green

Well, the Oracle has spoken. I have listened. Dressed in his Terrell Owens jersey, the greatest prophet of our generation laid out the immediate future for all of us one Tuesday morning over Bloody Marys and the NCAA Championship Game. With the gift of the internet, we can now share some of those projections:

Projection #1: If Michael Jackson is found guilty, he will commit suicide immediately
Projection #2: South Korea will shun the Americans and align themselves with the Chinese in the next five to ten years.
Projection #3: And finally, the NT Dollar will continue to strengthen against the US Dollar, all the way to 23 to 1 (currently at 31.66)

Now you may or may not be willing to wager on these projections, but let it be known that this is not some case of a simple man running his trap. These nuggets of information are not laid out as mere probability. These are certifiable events already destined to happen. My friends, the future cannot be changed, so buy your last copy of Thriller, convert your South Korean Won to NT, and prepare for Chinese terrorists on Formosa.

On another note, I project that if a certain Texan's bar tab exceeds a certain Frenchie's bar tab for another month, a certain Texan's wife might confiscate the ATM card from his wallet.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Ode to Brett's doo

Brett's doo
Originally uploaded by ryeguy.

His father told him to get a haircut. He insists that "IT" has been de-loused. He combs "IT" or does "IT" groom itself? If only "IT" could talk. I imagine it would say "wash ME wash ME!" Should the thing on his head pay rent 'cause it takes up more space than I did. He is itchin' to be unemployable. I heard he is going to work in the forest and this will make a great nest for the birds.

Bread is armed and dangerous

I'm also very bored at work today.

Update: Riots in China

Breaking News! Apparently, the riot police were called in out of the goodness of the Party's heart:

The story also said that officials decided to break up the protests on Sunday because they were worried that "the coming of cold air and dramatic temperature drops threatened the health of feeble old women."

I guess they couldn't help A-Mah in time as two died.

Also, word is that some Chinese are withdrawing their membership from the CCP. Karl, when will you do the same? (CCP = Coughing Chess Player)

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Chinese Tatoos

From, the link discusses people getting tatoos of Chinese characters...looks promising.

Let's start with a snippet I breezed upon over at Instapundit.

Of course, for really bad product-naming, you've got to hand it to the Moro Islamic Liberation Front, whose initials produce a lot of, um, non-Islamic hits on Google.

The new link on the right comes from They provide a sidebar with a changing character every few minutes. Clicking on the graphic takes you to their homepage. A good site for searching, especially if you got a little Chinese character capability. You can search by English, radical, the Mandarin phonetic system (bo po mo fo) and commie pinyin.

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Please remember that The Right Olde All Sports Hootenanny will be held on April 24. Again, there will be teams from football, rugby, soccer and the Society for Creative Anachronism. The sports will be, well, football, rugby, soccer and jousting. Time and place: Noon at Lin Dong College. If you would like to participate and/or practice CPR, please bug Lance for details. Well, no, make that Jack. Oh, hell, I don't know. Play it safe and bug both of them.

I bought sea salt. Now, hold it right there. I know this sounds sorta like saying I enjoy a deep-cleaning kelp facial mask, but it's not. I was given a tall boy-sized bottle the other day. It's French, so it cost $360NT. After Sunday's football, I was sore and remarked about a hot soak. Well, Jerry ( I-can-too-ride-a-motorcycle-after-two-pints-of-whiskey-and-beer-chaser Jerry) suggested some sea salt. Well, hell. Isn't all salt from the sea? Oops! Excuse me. Or from dried up salt lakes? Is the sea salt fresher? Or does the salt lake salt(?) have more time to intensify its flavor? Who knows? Who cares? We'll if you have a wife, she damn well will. Epicurious has a good description of the different kinds of salt here. Wait! Don't run away! It contains a link to borscht, for cryin' out loud! There's more! Over here, you can learn about the 84 different minerals in sea salt and order a 150 page guidebook to Colima, Mexico and its museum. By now you're in a salt buying frenzy. Rush on over to Mitsukoshi's basement supermarket and you can buy coarse grained sea salt for $30NT and fine grained for $60NT. Again, I have no idea what the difference is (yeah, I know, size), but the wife did find that only the fine grained salt said anything about okay for consumption and the coarse grained was for soaking.

Mosquito Season

It's upon us again. Last night a blood-fattened mosquto lazily flew about my ears at 1:30 a.m. She was slowed down with engorging, but still, I couldn't swat her from the bed. I was going to get up, turn on the lights, and in the process wake up the Crying Poopmachine, when I heard an amazingly loud SNAP, CRACKLE, POP as the bug-zapper took that bitch out. I never heard it kill so loudly - man it was sweet satisfaction. And the Crying Poopmachine (protected in her mosquito net) didn't even fuss.

Monday, April 11, 2005

CCP's New Charm Offensive

I think Karl is right. Once you let the people get angry at Japan, won't they think they have a right to be angry about their own government's shortcomings?

And don't forget this.


Originally uploaded by ryeguy.

With all this talk about Chico State, I thought everyone might like to see what an alumnus from said school looks like. I'm not sure about his past film history but I know he did his school proud in the beer drinking category last weekend at Spring Scream in Kending.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Who said it?

1. “I'll have him deported." 2. " I'll have him taken care of."
3. " Lance is only temporary." 4. " I need to have a talk with Karl."

A. Amcham Jack
B. Deshay
C. Stalin

Monday, April 04, 2005

We'll be having a guest blogger for a bit. As per our agreement (excluding Rye Guy), all appelations are given by others in Taiwan. Therefore, we need a little help with "Dug's" new handle. Hint: He lives really, really near Ground Zero PJ's and favors footware by Brunswick. Suggestions so far are: Wang Burger, Dog Wang, Burgermeister and Shaggy McBurger, Esquire. Other suggestions are more than welcome.

Price Comparison

Well-intentioned college student cuts down eight branches from eight different trees. $4,000 plus.

National security advisor steals and shreds classified documents. $10,000.

PJ says " floating aircraft carriers." Priceless.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Tom, this one's for you

Well, it seems I owe an apology to an old friend. Back in my Changhua days, I met a guy from California and we turned out to be good friends. Me being from Texas and him from The Land that God Forgot, we naturally had a little rivalry. So, you could have understood me when I was more than a bit skeptical about some of his claims. One of them centered on his alma mater, Chico State University. They won the first, I think, Top Party School from Playboy. He also insisted that businesses loved them because they could "party a lot and still graduate and stuff." That, was what got under my skin.

Recent events have proven me wrong. Despite two recent tragedies, please see " Another blow to Chico State's image", these Wildcats have stiffened up and not allowed the past to stain them. So when some corporate headhunters from Shane's World ( an art-house production company, I think) came to town offering some real-life, hands-on experience, the Wildcats bit. They did not wallow in remorse or fall prey to feelings of guilt. Rather, the excited aspirants went head-to-head for a chance to fill one of the coveted slots. The Wildcats immediately assumed multiple positions with the company. Displaying their business acumen, the Wildcats lucky enough to be selected forewent payment on the hopes of making it big. Booze, blood, sweat, and yes, even a few tears, are the heroes in this story. For, in the end, they came out on top. They have proven themselves. Never again will they succumb.