Monday, January 30, 2006

Musical Chairs of Flag Burning

Apparently the music has stopped, and this time, the Danes got left without a seat. They now take the place of the United States as most hated country by the combined Islamic world (and Canada. Don't forget Canada.) Danish flags are now flying off the shelves to be burnt, spat upon, or used as a welcome mat.

Insiders tip that next week could be Thailand's turn, as the word pig in Thai looks a little bit like Allah in Arabic if you squint really hard and hold it upside down. Being high as a kite helps too.

For the love of that next blog button

Life is like the next blog button. You just never know what you are gonna get.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Brought to you by San Miguel

Over the years I have constantly upgraded my traveling style. I dabbled in Grunge-Indigent (beta version) until my Norton Anti-Schmuck zapped that sucker dead. I have since been using the Windows Me!Me!Me! format for all my travel needs.

Being married, I don't have to impress anyone and I long ago got my travel merit badge for condescending cantina conversation and haughty hardship tales. I've slept in parks, forests, rooftops, made bamboo rafts, become proficient in dysentery on 3 continents and eaten snake, rats and bugs. I now leave it to the new gangs of migrating hemp unionists to gild the Asian lotus of Culture, Adventure and Diversity. I have seen the (twi)light and since reset my travel gauges. Culture: Careless handling and mingling with my dirty clothes renders any Duty-Free item "authentic." Adventure: "Will there be meat?" Diversity: Rare or medium-rare?

So, for Chinese New Year I took my wife to a place that I have been to before but which she has not - Sinandigan Lodge in the Puerto Galera area of the Philippines. It's the perfect place for me and my wife will soon come to agree. Sinandigan is on the back side of Sabang. Sabang boasts many dive shops, bars, and hawkers selling Viagra labeled " Vagra " , " Cilitex " and unlabeled such as Zip-Loc and Hefty.

The tourists seem mainly European and male. Large, porcine males with numerous love handles, footholds and toeholds - easily scalable in minutes. The remaining few who have yet to obtain the rank of Yokozuna all look to be roadies from The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years. I'm not disparaging them. If more Americans were bold and cosmopolitan enough to sell off their business, wife and/or their soccer club jersey to live a month, a year in some Asian country to be able to learn to play bad guitar, rent a girl ( or near enough ) for as long as wanted and to display boldly-styled lower-back, upper-crack hair into the male equivalent of the female lower-back, lock-on-target tattoo, I would say the same.

Since I failed to meet the weight and hair requirements deemed necessary to make it in Sabang - oh, yeah, I was also disgusted - I choose a completely different setting.

Lazy Sunday

Check out this killa music video.

Friday, January 27, 2006


Just wondering if there will be a game over the Chinese New Year.
Let me know by posting here thanks.
Happy Chinese New Year to all.

P.S. Brett, I'm looking for an off-season trade for A.J. Burnett. Interested?

Thursday, January 26, 2006


One quick generic post as to my whereabouts. I have put the grad school thing on hold and applied to various law schools. My LSATs went well enough, and I should be accepted somewhere (barring any serious mistakes in the application process). After much searching, I determined I am not a scientist, and environmental law seems to fit my interests and capabilities a bit more.

So, I am now in the south of Spain, where I hope to reacquire my Spanish over the next few months before enrolling in law school come fall. That about sums it up I think, so if any of you deign to make it to Europe in the next few months, let me know. The above photo is from Malaga...

Couple of More Personal Ads

Two more cute girls from the Yahoo personal ads:

No. 1: A redhead who includes a shot of her tatoo....I guess she doesn't want us lads to have any suprises. IMHO, this is her best photo. Plus she speaks German. Kinky!

No. 2: A brunette, who's only drawback is she live in Vacaville. Best shot is this one.

Again, I have to remove the well-endowed speedo photo, and if being a dirty old man is part of that package, well deal with it.

Thursday's Punjabi Chick from Yahoo Personals

Now, I don't know why Yahoo decided to send me the personal ad for a "Punjabi Girl Looking for a Cute Indian" but I'll enjoy the scenery as it helps push that photo of "Dick" Cheney further off our website.


I really don't like the image of the man in the I thought I'd help move into the archives with this post.

Here's Kemal Ataturk's website. You should learn more about him.

Of course not everyone loved him, for varying reasons.

Yes, Bread, your letter of recommendation is almost done. This post was done in about 4 minutes between meetings.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Just for you Dean

Found this photo clearly documenting Bush's 'contact' with Abramoff. An outraged Bush claims it is clearly a fake because his package is much larger. The Democrats, citing a lack of original ideas, have said that they will push the issue of Bush's penis size in this fall's campaign to take back Congress.

My Big Ell Post

Check out this video, especially if you are either a D&D fan and/or into sex toys.

It's like two fer one.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

I guess it's time to update the map

Now, instead of making any snide comments, how about a link to a video of some celebrity boob fondling? Safe for work I think.

A Call to Canadia

When I look to the Great White North and the current political situation, I can't help but chuckle. When the great traitor Belinda wins a seat, when the 'I don't support gay marriage guy' becomes prime minister, and a party professing its desire to split from the government gains fifty seats in the aforementioned government, I wonder how in touch with the beat of the nation are all the self appointed, flag on the backpack, super inclusive professing ambassadors of your fine nation.

Most every Canadianer I meet tells me Ralph Klein is a freak, and yet he continuously gets put back into office. When I mention this people say that's just Alberta. Is Alberta in Canada? When they go off against the 'crazy separatists' they say they are just those wackos from Quebec. When I say that the Tories own the prairies, people say they are just farmers.

Seems to me the only Canadianers which are real Canadianers come from Vancouver or Toronto and believe in same sex marriage, world peace and hate George Bush... All admirable qualities (and ones which I by and large agree) , but perhaps not an accurate depiction of the fine nation to the north.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Fantasy Politics?

An interesting view from an email i recently receive, I don't know how to hat tip anyone, but this is probably worth a read from some of our readers.
Ht Rick Mercer. All errors of english are his!

Conservative Cabinet Revealed
Many sports fans spend their days building fantasy football or baseball teams. Likewise there are a handful of nerds out there who create fantasy cabinets. I do this all the time. I often kill time at the airport compiling my dream cabinet in the back of a scribbler. This week for example my dream cabinet would contain John Crosbie, Geddy Lee and Justin Pogge. Luckily for the Nation I will never choose a cabinet so we will never know what kind of damage I could wreak on the country.I have it on very good authority however that Stephen Harper is spending a lot of time playing the game these days. Word is the back room on the Harper bus resembles the woodshed from A Beautiful Mind; the walls are littered with the names of potential conservative cabinet ministers. Luckily my secret mole in the Tory Campaign (Tom Flannagan) has been taking photos of the notes with his hand held palm device and forwarding me the information on a daily basis. This is what the Tory Cabinet looks like so far.

Stockwell Day Minister of Foreign Affairs
Stockwell Day is perhaps the most experienced and most talented member on the Conservative front bench.Stockwell is currently Foreign Affairs critic for the Conservative Party and he has done a bang-up job. When he was questioned as to why his party did not offer condolences to the Palestinians when Yasser Arafat died Stock responded by sending out a column by David Frum that speculated that Yasser died of AIDS.With Stock representing Canada on the world stage can Peace in the Middle East be far away?

Jason Kenney Minister of Health
Jason Kenney is an embarrassment of riches for the conservative party. He is one of Stephen Harper most trusted lieutenants and is experienced, well-liked and hirsute.He is perfectly suited to a m幨ange of cabinet positions, and while he has a grasp on all the issues health seems to be his forte. do support the idea of private health care. - Jason Kenney, Conservative Party critic on Canada-U.S. Relations, October 31st 2000.

Rob Anders Minister of State (Multiculturalism)
Rob Anders is the guy to reach out to Canada diverse multicultural communities.Nelson Mandela is a terrorist. - Rob Anders
Rob is a true reformer and a true conservative. He has been a faithful supporter of mine and I am grateful for his work.? - Stephen Harper endorsing Calgary West Conservative MP Rob Anders

Vic Toews Minister of Justice
Vic is the current Justice Critic and he takes the bull by the horns. He believes the notwithstanding clause should be used to override minority rights. He calls it the ltimate tool?and so it is. The notwithstanding clause can be used to take away the rights of gay people to marry each other or the rights of the Chinese to drive. If youare white and straight the chance of this being used against you are slim to none. This is for uppity minorities only. In case of emergency uppity-ness please break glass.

Minister of Citizenship and Immigration Art Hanger
Immigrants are choking welfare systems, contributing to high unemployment, and many cannot read.?
- Conservative MP Art Hanger

David Sweet Minister responsible for the Status of Women
There's a particular reason why Jesus called men only. It's not that women aren't co-participators. It's because Jesus knew women would naturally follow. Men, on the other hand, had to be called. - Conservative Candidate David Sweet former President & CEO of Promise Keepers Canada

Brian Fitzpatrick Minister of Indian Affairs and Northern Development
You can't scalp me because I haven't got much hair on top of my head. -Conservative Candidate Brian Fitzpatrick

Darrel Reid Minister responsible for the Canadian Wheat Board
I think every Christian's under an obligation to change laws to reflect biblical values. Different Christians are going to try to change different laws, according to the call God gives them. You see Christians in all political parties. That reflects different understandings of what God's call is to us. That's a healthy thing. If the yeast congregates in one part of the loaf, it makes for pretty bad bread."-Conservative Candidate Darrel Reid former president of Focus on The Family Canada

Cheryl Gallant Women Caucus Chair
We saw that young American having his head cut off. What's happening, what is happening down there no different. - Conservative MP Cheryl Gallant (Renfrew-Nipissing-Pembroke) at a 2004 pro-life rally on Parliament Hill, comparing abortion to the beheading of American Nicolas Berg by insurgents in Iraq

Of course this is just a fraction of what the final cabinet will look like. Harper will have to come up with another 25 cabinet ministers. There is a rumour however that he might make history and actually be minister of everything; removing all MPs from the process. If you have any inside information on who will be in the Conservative cabinet, or should be in the Conservative cabinet, be sure to email with any and all information.

Posted by Rick Mercer

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Who is she?

A-Rod and his pictures

Thank you A-hole for putting a wide grin on my face. She is smokin' hot. I think i want to go to Holland on a field trip.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Dutch commander criticises US military in Afghanistan

"The actions of the Americans have had little or no effect. The Taliban was dealt with - and that was very necessary - but the country is no more stable as a result," General Dick Berlijn told 'Elsevier' magazine.

Discussing the 'Dutch approach' to overseas missions in conflict zones, Berlijn said: "We know you can't just roar through the streets in tanks with closed turrets."

"Some countries", he said, "react in an unnecessarily harsh manner in conflict zones, thereby generating unnecessary resistance".

Berlijn said Dutch troops rely on their discipline to maintain their own tempo if challenged by violence. The troops are also trained to respect local cultures. There is never a question of 'lift your burka' and searching the wearer. We have never frisked women and children in Iraq."
Yep, the Dutch "softly, softly" approach is just wonderful:

Does anyone remember in Sbrenica that Dutch soldiers did NOTHING as Serbs massacred the muslim population?
Many teams investigating the massacre -- which the Serbs this week admitted they planned and executed -- have questioned the role Dutch troops played in the killings. The troops were there as peacekeeping forces in a United Nations security zone, yet they did nothing to stop Bosnian Serb militias from rounding up and gunning down thousands of men and boys.
No offense, Dutch general dude, but you might want to back off on your comments that the Dutch way of warfare is superior to the American way. I'm sure both styles have their drawbacks, and the British and Dutch occupying the Shia areas of Iraq certainly think their way works better. (Though, suprisingly, they don't offer to take over the Sunni triangle...)

Then again, Kofi Annan is a big fan of US style peacekeepers:
He expressed hope that the United States would participate in a planned U.N. rapid reaction force, authorized by the Security Council earlier this month, that would have the firepower to intimidate armed gangs threatening the country's fragile political transition. Officials said that similar requests are being considered for other countries, including Canada and France. "We want scarier troops," one senior U.N. official said. Annan told Rice that the Haitians "respect the U.S. military"
And, just a tip, the bad guys do wear burkas to hide themselves. And apparently so do the Pakistani commandos who are tasked to capture them. That would make a cool scene in a movie.

Is this for real?

and do they come in lesbian versions?

I'd like to send one to the Karl for his birthday.

More Pepper Spray Videos

Check out another cool video of protestors being pepper sprayed.

Also, regarding Posse Comitatus, there are many exceptions to this law, and since 1999 onwards any sort of terrorist threat is apparently one of them. (Do you think there were any such threats for President Bush's inauguration? Nah, he's loved by everyone!)

But if you really want to get your legal information from a man wearing mouse ears, please continue to do so. He's also advising you to tell security staff that you do not consent to be searched. Enjoy trying this yourselves next time you are flying out of Taiwan.

Now, you will notice that many of the top google hits for Posse Comitatus are from Canadian web sites that make various predicitions. Any of them happen yet? Anyone wonder why Nova Scotia and New Brunswick are apparently included in some possible scheme to prepare the USA for martial law under Bush? I'm guessing they are also run by extreme right wing fundamentalist Christian leaders who are lackeys to the oil industry and puppets of Bu$hitler.


Wow. The Pink Riders are getting worked over pretty hard by Bevo this year. Maybe they should contact a sports psychologist to help them lick their wounds. At the very least, I am expecting a recruiting call to Formosa, seeking the help of J-Hole (or anyone that can shoot a roundball). Hope Bobby Knight knows Frenchie now lives in Canadia.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

This guy's talking about the posse comitatus act of 1878...

Check out the pepper spray cannons the stormtroopers are using to hold off the peaceful protesters...

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Back from China

Hopefully I will be able to get out this week-end. Is this FuBar place any good? I heard a rumor it was Canadian owned though...

While I was trawling through stock research for 2006 IRA picks, I disovered that people in Texas actually eat food from a restaurant chain named "Luby's."

I would have guessed the company was a gay bathhouse in Austin or an automotive tune up shop.

Their slogan: "Tastes like Texas." Ewwwwwwwww.

Kevin the Kayaker

Watch the video
My friend Kevin visited me at the Lake back in the summer of '04


yes, FuBar is open. Fu, as in lucky, and F.U.B.A.R., as in... you guessed it. As noted by J-Hole, grand opening will be February 10th. Music and free food as well as drink specials. Tainan Shane, contact me or somebody of importance, would like you to play. Meanwhile, I am open and serving the thirsty masses, hours are Monday to Thursday 5-11, Friday 5-12, Saturday and Sunday 2-12, or until the last guy leaves. Should have food next week. Thanks to everybody who has stopped by, nice to see you. Special thanks to J-Hole and Philly Jim for paying the rent. AJ, better Bloody Mary's are on the way.
Boo Yaw!

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Lubbock firefighters of the Ricky Martin brigade christen their new FedEx jet.

News never stops breaking in Lubbock, not as long as The Avalanche-Journal is around.

The Lubbock Fire Department Monday morning received an aircraft
donated by FedEx for Aircraft Rescue Fire Fighting Training

Parked safely away from all avalanche-prone areas. Unfortunately, bored people, pyros and Lubbock firefighters will ultimately be disappointed in the new gift.

Deputy Fire Marshall Garett Nelson said the plane will not be set on fire
for training simulations.

According to a news release that the A-J was fortunate enough to discover, this astonishing bit of information:

Before its final flight, the airplane was used for more than 28 years to
transport packages throughout the United States, according to a news


Even though PJ is away on vacation in Thailand ( the real Thailand, not the overbuilt, touristy Thailand that has running water and electricity ), Nepal ( learning Nepali police commands) and Tibet ( freeing it, of course), it's past due for a HOT TEA PJ installment. Even more so when you consider that January is Hot Tea Month.

  • Routinely, I will engage PJ in a discussion about the proper way to handle cooked food. I have never won this discussion and fear I never will. When I told him that cooked food needs to be cooled as rapidly as possible - leaving cooked food out to cool down at room temp prolongs the time that it's in the danger zone of 40-140 F - and that this is neither superstition nor tradition, but science, he stifled me with, "You're talking science. I'm talking reality." I'll need some help from Karl in interpreting that.
  • February 10th is the official opening of FuBar. PJ returns on March 2nd. Construction of an armed checkpoint across the middle of Soho Street commences March 3rd.
  • Names under consideration for the next Sports Day combined team are P-Fu, P-Bar, BarPJ and BarFu.
  • I will buy anyone a drink of their choice at PJ's if they can give me a good recipe for chicken spaghetti. Really. I want the danged recipe. If you're reading this outside of Taichung, go to a bar, order a drink and put it on my tab. That's what I would do anyway.
  • AmCham evidently holds bi-weekly pub crawls. That's news to me. I haven't seen them on Soho street, well, almost ever. You have to register ahead of time online. That is unless " don't know how to click 'Submit'" you can just show up. Oh, they also highly recommend knee pads and gloves. Mayor Hu must be a regular.

Free stuff

It holds ten kirins and two bags of ice. It has an am/fm radio. It is easy to carry and if you want it you can have it for free. I used it once, so it is still new and clean.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Poker Seating by JW

Watch the video
There are some of us who used to play poker every Friday. Some of the guys still play. JW gets surly about seating

Read all about JW and the gang at nihowdy.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Little People

Little people are not allowed to go walking in the dark country side. Why? Ghosts live in the dark country side.Ghosts come out at night, and babies can see ghosts. So if the baby sees a ghost MAYBE the baby will be afraid and not be able to sleep well.
Chinese new year is coming. Red envelopes have to be stuffed. Babies receive small token amounts of money. People old enough to work receive slightly more then token amounts to "grease the wheels".
The unexpected... the wife married a whitey to escape chinese traditional family obligations. The inlaws that married a Chinese person are expected or required to cook, clean, look after children all single handed.
Perhaps I am becoming PETTY. The little guy who thinks too much about nothing.

English Brett gave me a short novel called The Pidgeon. A man starts losing it when a small bird enters his world. Great read so far.

Well the little one has three teeth. Too the amazement of some of the local yolkals she enjoys smiles and silly faces in all languages. To my advantage some smart alecs are cutting me some slack cause I am in the Dad club. However as a new member I think I receive one free swing at the next smartarse. I'll keep you posted.

Friday, January 13, 2006

No, this is not Larry the Cable Guy's house. This is my lovely, quaint ( probably built in the 50's) stand-alone house in Taichung. In a country where most people live in apartments or blocks of cut-rate brownstone houses, we are fortunate to have this piece of concrete. We even have a small patch of yard wrapping around the side of the house. When our city is like this, we consider ourselves blessed.

In the foreground is our deck, built by my Taiwanese friend with a Japanese name, Yo-san. What good would a deck be without stuff to put on it? And number one on any right-thinking male's list should be a grill. This grill can broil, roast and barbecue, assuming that you can. It was built by my South African friend with the unlikely name of Yuri B. Human, according to a design promoted by Smoky Hale in his Great American Barbeque Instruction Book. Buy the book. You'll improve your grilled fare 100% after 2 pages. No lie. Can I get an "Amen", Big Ell?

Chinese New Year approaches and work is tapering off. A great time to continue my 'cuing. St. Louis style spareribs? Check. Barbecued beef chuck? Yep. Time for a barbecued pork shoulder. However, I'm running out of the persimmon wood that I've been using. If any locals have access to any acceptable hardwood - a fruit-bearing tree will be most likely around here - you've guaranteed yourself a seat at the table. If you don't have the wood, you're still welcome, provided you provide me with...oh, let's say something to drink or a good recipe for chicken spaghetti ( And don't bother go getting it off the Internet. I want a tried-and-tested recipe from a mom or the church picnic). I'm shooting for the week either before or after Chinese New Year. Let me know soon, as I will be in the Philippines during CNY. 恭喜發財 GōngXǐ FāCái (Happy New Year).

Thursday, January 12, 2006


the Indianapolis/ Pittsburgh game taped and shown Monday night at 6:30


FuBar will have Denver Broncos vs New England Patriots, Sunday morning at 9 am. Replay at 1:30 and 6:30, clientele permitting. Breakfast will be served.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Vince enters the draft

At least the uniform won't be a shock.

Monday, January 09, 2006

There's a new laoban in town.

Taking over that little corner spot on Soho Street is none other than Ni Howdy contributor, D-Wayne. Replacing the vacant Stix will be FuBar (the Chinese has the same pronunciation, but I'm not sure about the characters because two "fu" characters have almost identical meanings as far as his intent). The papers were signed at 8:30 Sunday morning and he promptly opened - the half filled bottles of Lychee liquor and Glenlivet. Games have already been shown and will continue to be shown. D-Wayne will be working on getting it up to his standards while keeping the doors open for those who want to drop by and get a drink. As of Sunday, that would only be beer, but each day will see a little more added and him more addled.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Breaking news! Along with mangling and distorting, what the China Post staff is doing at any given moment.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Rose Bowl Rewind

Now that you have all seen the game (I hope), Texan egos couldn't be larger. Having just returned from Austin, everyone is aware that they are now the reigning National Champs in football and baseball, and with last week's thrashing of Memphis in hoops, could become the first team to hold all three at titles at the same time (I'm still not buying into the Runnin' Horns).

Let it also be known that J-Hole predicted the quarterback from Texas Tech (he of the 15-32 performance against Alabama) to be first team Big 12, citing a Fox Sports preseason poll. Hmmm.....Fox making a mistake? Unimaginable...

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Rose Bowl

I have the Rose Bowl game on tape. J-Hole, where shall we watch it?
Might be a good time to get the fantasy football guys together, so Frogs
can buy us a beer.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Yahoo Personal Ads - Sorry Pimp

Here are a couple of tips for potential Yahoo personal ads users:

1. Include a photo of yourself next to an extremely unattractive person to boost your chances.

2. If you are fat, you could be optimistic and say you have an athletic body type, but then you probably shouldn't claim to be "a straight shooter."

3. It is wise to be honest about your background...for example this girl does not mention that her father was the Koolaid mascot, but her photo shows her true nature.

4. As much as I like football, I seriously doubt any true man wants to date a Packer's fan. I instantly imagine this girl trying to convince me to wear a wedge of cheese my head. On the other hand, the sympathy sex you will get for the next 5 seasons or so will be great.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Could Christmas have been any worse?

12 days in DongGuan.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my company sent me
Twelve taxis honking
Eleven beggars chasing
Ten suppliers delaying
Nine Pabst Blue Ribbons
Eight days of heartburn
Seven hours on buses
Six dim sum dinners
Five annoying waiters
Four different hotels
Three McDonald's meals
Two KTV girls
And a Hakka dog meat vendor!