Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Taiwan Dentistry

I visited the Dentist today to get my teeth cleaned.

NT$ 50 with your health card - and the dentist was Australian trained.

Apparently if you don't get your teeth cleaned in 10 years or so, you build up a lot of "calculus" i.e. crap on your teeth.

I recommend my new dentist, Dr. Eric Huang. He speaks English and his office is modern and clean. They have a cool X-Ray machine, too.

Chien Hua Dental Clinic
No. 258, Sec. 2 Hsitun Rd., Taichung
Tel: 2708-1188

And unlike at the doctor's you can make an appointment and not just wait in line for your number.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Poker Report and other tidbits

Poker went down as expected on Friday night. Chaon got drunk, bet heavily, and may or may not have pissed away his wife's take. While Kevlar may have physically been present, his balls were mysteriously absent in Iron Cross. Red A talked, a lot. Normally the motor kicked in when it was his turn to call a game or bet. PIMP came and lost a bundle before turning cross into his own personal show. Stoney was, well, stoned. AJ sweated. Nobody understood English Brett, but we think he may have called Five Card Stud correctly for the first time ever. And Bread, well, he enjoyed his friend's company, even if a certain pair of them decided to no-show (this means you Dean and J-Hole).

As for the rest of the weekend, food fest at Sogo was nice and Party Animal was better. The Spoilers and The Earth (Chinese Band) entertained the masses and we all managed to return to our respective beds safely, a success on any Saturday night. Well, BigEl may still be attempting that feat, nobody actually witnessed him tearing himself away from The Earth as they rocked out to a selection of heavy metal hits from 1986.

Trey successfuly turned two and collected loot from all and shared his booty nicely with the other children. Some crazy bird lady stopped by for a while and kept trying to get the kids to play with her bird. Good times!

Friday, May 25, 2007

China Post, 我 愛 你

Woo doggy, Jethro! The China Post is pissed off! Really pissed off, I tell ya.' The Chen administration has been busy renaming things, replacing the word China with Taiwan in government services like the post office. But his latest attempt to rename the Chiang Kai-shek Memorial Hall to "National Taiwan Democracy Memorial Hall is just too much for the good folk at Taiwan's leading English-language newspaper.

(Before I go on, go out and buy this damn newspaper. Everyday! You cannot be without it. You want to know why the arms procurement package to replace things like its aging fleet of attack triremes and vertical ascent gyro-contraptions have been stalled for years? How Taiwan ranks near the top of the world list in terms of moss and liverwort diversity and density? Why a 3.83% unemployment rate is bad? Then read the China Post).

Let's skip past their perceptive revelation that because the DPP trails the KMT in the polls they are "beating their brains out cooking up new ways to turn the tide."

Glance at this one. Not too long, it could cause damage.

Historians have been divided concerning the incident sixty years ago. The argument will never be settled. That is all right. Many historical issues and events are shrouded in controversy. That's why we need historians.

A bit harder to ignore (but possible if you have read the Post before and become accustomed to their bluster) is their claim that, They (the DPP) justify the campaign with the excuse that Chiang was a "killer" or "murderer" and that he was responsible for the controversial "2-28 massacre" that allegedly occurred in 1947.

No, what I think really irks them is the DPP's language skills. Their research states that the word 'memorial" is "something designed to preserve the memory of a person or event. Therefore, democracy cannot be memorialized.

What a ridiculous name. The existence of having a "democracy memorial hall" will be an international laughingstock. The idea only goes to show the stupidity and ignorance of those behind the move.

Better start laughing at Hiroshima, then. And what about The Memorial? A golf tournament that memorializes memorializing? Okay, laugh at that one, then.

Taiwan is now commonly known as a democracy, so do we need a hall to "preserve" its "memory"?

Oh, if they would only read their own newspaper, they wouldn't be pitching this little fit.

Six weeks old

A new bar in the location of the former "Two Tigers". Run by Joe of Chang hua, the former owner of the NewYork pub. The menu is Taiwanese, the pouring is constant and the company is friendly. swing by, there are abundant shots and stiff drinks for new customers.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

N G B L i s h e

Did you know?

  • There are over 222 domestic flights per week from NGB Airport.
  • The shortest flight out of NGB Airport is 92 miles.
  • There are 10 airlines operating out of NGB Airport.
  • There are 20 nonstop flights per week departing from NGB Airport.
more worthless artifacts..........

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Poker Confirmed

Friday night poker will be played at Ponce's house. Cynthia has demanded a 200 NT cover (bargained down from 300NT) so she can go out and have a good time while we invade her home with smoke and booze whilst taking her husband's money out of his pocket. Come one, Come all. Start time is 9pm and expect at least one game of Cross. Dean, Pimp, J-Hole, Red A, BigEl, Ryan, Kevin, AJ, Dwayne, English Brett, and anyone else (Tyler???) confirm with Brett, Ponce, or the comment section.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

It's A Party!

Come celebrate the 2nd Birthday of Trey Michael on Sunday, May 27th. I know most of us will be hung over from the Food Fest at Sogo, but drop by anyway and have a cold beer to help ease your pain. Festivities begin around 1 pm at FuBar, with food and beer and stuff for the kids. If anyone knows where I can procure a clown, would be greatly appreciated (Lance doesn't count).

Here, as requested by the colourful one, is a HOWIGATI.

N i n g b o

Ningbo Profile

Ningbo (Wade-Giles: Ning-po; literally "Tranquil Waves") is a coastal city in the Zhejiang province of China. It lies in the south of the populous Yangtze River delta and faces the East China Sea to the east. It covers an area of 9,365 and has a population of 5.43 million. The jurisdiction of Ningbo City encompasses two counties (Xiangshan and Ninghai), three county-level cities (Yuyao, Cixi and Fenghua) and six urban districts (Haishu, Jiangdong, Jiangbei, Zhenhai, Beilun and Yinzhou).

Did you know.....

Fenghua is the birth place of Chiang Kai-shek.

Beer Goggles

Digital expertise recreates the effect of drinking 17 beers in a simple video demonstration.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Baseball Tuesday

If you haven't yet been lucky enough to gain an audience with His Breadness, he and his peeps will be attending tomorrow night's CPBL match up down on Shuang Shr Rd. (old stadium) to see the hometown Bulls take on the Lions. Should be a great time and a good crowd to boot. I know of at least 3 kids that are going so bring the family along if you're so inclined. Meet us at the gate 'round 6... first pitch is at 6:30, otherwise we'll be in the outfield stands I reckon... Weather permitting of course...

X-box and X-box 360 repair

This shop also sells Wii accessories, like add on baseball bats, tennis rackets, and swords.
The guy claims that B.P. was wrong and that x-box 360 warrantyin taiwan is one year and not three months he gave me the telephone number 008 0144 4231 and said they are open Mon.-Fri 9-6.

Wii 9700 nt$ PS-III 17600 X-box 360 10000

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Canadian Oak Ridge Village Boy People video

You've got a friend...

... when your friend is willing to travel from the US to Taiwan carrying a bag of Fritos, 20 cans of Kodiak, several cans of Campbell's Double Noodle Chicken Noodle Soup, grape Dimetapp, toys for the kids, a Hokey-Pokey Elmo, a six pack of Sierra Nevada, 4 branches of apple wood and Reese's Pieces. All that for a 10-day stay.

Bread rolled into town this morning with 3 bags: one for him, a computer case and one filled with our requests.

He also brought one more item, something that I requested.

My first year in Taiwan my mother sent a care package loaded with goodies and one surprising item - a bottle of Accent. Now my mother had not yet visited Taiwan and couldn't know that MSG was cheap and everywhere. Bread, however, lived here for several years and I thought he would understand that I was joking. But being the good friend that he is, he looked hard and finally found a small, 4 dollar bottle of Accent. He handed it to me this morning and I asked him to read the list of ingredient - monosodium glutamate.

Thank you Bread for your effort and I'm sorry you're out 4 bucks, so I'm going to give you 5 pounds of MSG to take back home with you. The street value of it can probably pay for your trip.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Cold War v 2.0

Check out these parkour videos:



From these videos alone, explain why the Soviets lost the Cold War.

Answer is in the comments.

Friday, May 18, 2007

S Z X B a o ' a n

Did you know?

  • The shortest flight out of S Z X Airport is 31 miles.
  • There are over 279 long haul flights per week from S Z X Airport.
  • Over 262,813 passengers can travel out of S Z X Airport every week.
  • There are over 46 international flights per week from S Z X Airport.

All that and they left off 17 air carriers serving this location every day..............

White A

The dreaded "White A": Arch, evil twin letter, transcolour, enemy of our favorite contributor. The notorious "Red A" :)

One good idea and one not so good

Good Idea: The Dangerous Book for Boys - I'll be getting a copy soon.

Not So Good: Tater Mitts - Their infomercial says 8 seconds but my local TV station, KCBD, says that's not even close - and it's painful.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

W a n g G a n g

Over the weekend I had the pleasure of visiting this small southern town.........

Wednesday, May 16, 2007


Wonder which 1 J Hole is looking for?

Bread's shopping list cont.

One big bottle of Accent, please.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

New Brunswick school bomb
link in title to video.

Taiwanese Religious TV

God's Direct Contact.Org

and the TV station, "broadcasting 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with a variety of engaging programs in English with German, French, Italian, Spanish, Persian, Arabic, Russian, Chinese, Korean and Aulacese subtitles Being the ideal television channel airing throughout Europe that brings to your life nobility and spirituality."

What the heck is "Aulacese?"

Check out the TV station's multiple subtitles - they are almost entirely blocking the crazy lady in the red dress. Does this beat those Taiwanese who started a compound in Garland, TX (sounds like Godland) who walked around in straw hats?

Bread shoppin list


Can you bring some Frito's for Big John.
Just 1 bag, any size will do.


Monday, May 14, 2007

Request for Bread

Bread, if you get this before you leave for Taiwan, I'd like the following:

1. Dimetapp Syrup (for kids)

2. Campbell's Double Noodle Chicken Soup (if you can even bring just one, it would be much appreciated - like the chaw, the more the better.)


National Bird of C h i n a

Hello boys and girls out there in blog land.

Esquire Willy contributing to you from some where?

In the attached photo you can see the National bird in it's natural habitat.

Hard at work preparing it's nest for winter. That's right.. The Yellow Crane :)

Whole new meaning to "Don't eat the Yellow snow".

Beats the heck outta J Holes Nemon Infomercial contribution....... Ha

Sunday, May 13, 2007


Nice, yellow lemons. Got these at the Carrefour on Da Dun. I thought all lemons turned yellow as they ripen on the tree. However, the Taiwanese variety is green, though if left out, it will turn a very pale, mottled, yellow. The yellow ones here are tarter, with a sharper taste and smell than the green ones we usually get. Great for bloody marys (D-Wayne) and removing freckles (Jan Brady).

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Chad Vader Episode 8, season finale, Chad vs. Clint.

Friday, May 11, 2007

TaiKe Round-up from the Taipei Times

Maybe next year, you'll go.

Outside the main stage, poll-dancing girls fired up the dampened taike crowd with their exposed buttocks and tricks that included rubbing their mammalian protuberances on a male audience member's face. Not before long, the slightly X-rated show caught the attention of local police who issued a warning against the indecent public acts. The resourceful girls upped the ante with a three-way wrestling bout. A happy ending for everyone, except, perhaps, taimei feminists, if that's not an oxymoron, and taike gays.

I thought I was the only one who still said mammalian protuberances.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Road to the cup!

Cheers to the Sens making it to the semis. I hope to see some people down at Fubar for a few beers over the next week. A little treat for any Canucks fans from Mr. Canuck himself G.

I am Indeed Visiting Formosa

Remembering that I am a poor student, I am taking orders. I imagine AJ wants some type of dip, Ponce wants some type of camels, PJ needs Tums, Ryan needs things I cannot import, J-Hole needs more than I can provide, RedA needs an inflatable George Bush doll, BigEl needs Harper's head on a platter, Dwayne needs a bandage for that ass whoopin' the Stros are layin' on his boys, and Kevlar needs viagra. Oh, wait, Kevlar's significant other quit putting out once they confirmed their love through the holy sacrament of marriage -- oh henry bar maybe? Confirm my suspicions folks. Anybody I don't know who needs something can screw off.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007


A couple of months ago I posted links to the first Corralles-Castillo fight. Coralles died in a motorcycle accident today, so scroll back through the archives and watch his moment of glory, it'll be worth your time (BigEll, Ponce).

Monday, May 07, 2007

Things for today...

Part of the mostly inane conversation at FuBar was Roger Clemens signing with the Yankees. Was it purely for the money? Or the best chance to win the World Series one more time? I figure must have been a combination of both. I'm pretty sure the Sox would have offered similar money, and equally sure the Rocket isn't having a problem putting food on the table for his family. So to Clemens, The Evil Empire was the way to the Series. PIMP was screwed either way. Too bad for his beloved Jays. On another (fantasy) baseball note, the Shiretowners got their asses hand to them AGAIN, by the mighty Marauders. Next on the menu is the Stros, from parts unknown.

Nice post by the Hole. Standards are standards and, unfortunately, some people don't have any. BUT, the cook-off was a great day, and I got really drunk. Thanks to my Winnie, Gwen and Smrt Angie for taking care of things.

Regarding the failure of the USA and Iran to talk about Iran's nuclear program, and Condi's comment that she doesn't "run after anybody": Way to let pride stand in the way of solving problems.


A hot, half naked chick with beer. Throw in a big bag of Northern Lights #5 and hockey on the big screen, ain't that heaven?

KITT, get me another beer

AND, born on this day, master thespian, Traci Lords. Striking a blow for women's rights.

"Chili" cook-off results

1st place went to the dish from Sahara Restaurant. I guess Chris from South Africa made it. Pictured on the left is a plate of beans, cheese, some sort of herbs and more beans. Click on the photo and guess the number of beans. The winner gets the tequila from the guy on the right.

On the right is Carlito, on hiatus from the WWE, taking 2nd place with his KMT Election Special Chili. Originally not even in the top three, Carlito jumped to number 2 after dispensing free shots of tequila in exchange for your vote( there's the bottle next to the cooler). The votes were recounted and he bought himself 2nd place.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

What was that about a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest?

"We stormed their fort and put the enemy to flight, taking about six thousand prisoners, and we captured Gen. Santa Anna’s carriage, also his wooden leg, which I have in my possession.” - Lieutenant W.A. Tinney, Fourth Regiment, Illinois Volunteers
Santa Anna's right leg was lost in 1838 during the French Pastry War and taken by the Fourth at the Battle of Cerro Gordo April 18, 1847, during the Mexican-American War. Both Mexico and the State of Texas have asked for it but Illinois has refused and it remains at the Illinois State Military Museum. Read further: The Tale of General Santa Anna's Leg.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

May in Montana

Apparently that means snow (two days straight of it) and no state budget. All I know is they better get the freakin' snow plows paid for next year, tax cuts or no tax cuts I don't care.

Friday, May 04, 2007

2 hours of crap wins

Which of these actors has the lamest action figure?
Kevin Costner as the Mariner from Waterworld, or William Hootkins as Red Six from Star Wars?
Maxim rates the 10 lamest and declared the Mariner less lame than Red Six. Pure crap.
The Mariner is a selfish, web-toed mutant who says crapola like this: "Because I haven't seen it (land). And I've sailed further then most men have dreamed."

Red Six is a volunteer, overweight pilot, flies wing and sacrifices himself for a whiny no-name lead and says this: "I got a problem here! I can hold it! No, I'm all right...aaahh!" (explodes).
Maxim's choice is not one I would agree with. I would suggest another. While not actually credited in the movie - but playing a very significant role - this would have to be the stupidest idea for an action figure.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

E.W. clears the air

Me: "Hey, how did you come up with Esquire Willy?"

Esquire Willy: "You know. Larry, Moe and Curly. And Curly's bald."

The pressure is on

Seeing as I am NUMBER ONE poster, Baby, the pressure is on to keep my post count higher than Esquire Willy's sperm count. (apologies to EW)


Why do department stores in China have a quasi-military flag raising ceremony every morning where their security guards march out and salute as their company flag is slowly raised in accompaniment to some martial music?

I don't know, but it gets me in the mood to go shopping!


I got to pay a bribe to a party official this time in China. WOOOT!

(okay, not me personally, but a staff member.)


How will the Ganadians react to this savage attack?


Despite the Great Firewall, Nihowdy is accessible in China. How is that affecting the people here? Well, I have noticed increased beer sales...

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Video tips from Acceptable TV

Acceptable TV is a spin off of Channel 101, which gave us the classic Yacht Rock. The premise is simple - short (3 minute) TV shows made by the members and in Acceptable TV's case, anyone with a video camera who wants to submit a show. Shows that make the cut go up against each other with viewers casting the votes to determine who gets to stay around to make more shows. So, if you have a creative bent and a camera, give it a shot.

Acceptable TV also provides 8 short tutorials to help you make your show. Topics include lighting, props, sound, how to shoot your show, structure, writing, editing and dealing with your inevitable failure. Jack Black leads ATV's contributors Dan and Justin from start to finish.

My favorite shows - after Yacht Rock, of course - are Operation Kitten Calendar and Homeless James Bond.