Monday, July 28, 2008

Philippines Trip: Have it Your Way

Every trip I take out of Taiwan, I always budget in enough time to hit the Burger King in the basement of Terminal 1. I can even put aside my contempt for the flame broiled ( propane flames? butane?) claim long enough to enjoy it.

This time I was headed to the Philippines. The night before, Typhoon Kalmaegi , unloaded in Taichung and was still continuing to rain heavily in the morning. Would I be able to leave? The High Speed Rail said they were still operational. Cebu Pacific's ticketing agent ( they have no actual personnel in Taiwan) ,Fu Hsing Airways, told me to wait as they checked with Manila. The flight was still on. I taxied to the HSR ($200NT), boarded an hour later ($540NT) and debarked in Taoyuan. Shuttled to the airport ( $30NT, not free as they imply) and went to check in.

All Cebu Pacific flights cancelled today due to the typhoon.

Yippie-kie-yie-yay, mother fletcher.

After hearing from my wife that Cebu's rep made a mistake and was very sorry but there is nothing they could do to help me, I decided that I could still enjoy my Whopper.

The prep area for the burgers is just behind the place where you grab your tray. I noticed the woman doing the prepping was squeezing something from a white bottle on every type of burger. Mayonnaise. I confirmed this and asked her to skip the mayo and use that yellow bottle next to the white one and give me a couple of shots of mustard. Okey-dokey, I am ready to eat. The cashier rings up $89NT for the burger, does a double take and asks if I have mustard on it. I hesitate. Is there something wrong with mustard. Is it illegal? I have no idea and answer in the affirmative. She tells me that there is a $10NT fee for " changing sauces."

Me: But I didn't change sauces.
Evil Employee: Yes, you did. You don't have mayonnaise.
Me: But the woman didn't change sauces, she just grabbed a bottle 2 inches away from the mayo and added that. No changing.
E.E.: You have to pay.
Me: (pointing to the wall-sized sign stating that there are 1,124 ways to Have it Your Way!) But what about that?
E.E.: I don't know what that says. It's in English. Do you want it or not?
Me: Yeah. Black store. Black store.
E.E.: What?
Me: Nothing.

What is Burger King doing? They charge me 10% of the burger price to have mustard. When did mustard become so valuable? Who's to blame? Mustard speculators? Big Mustard? Colonel Mustard? I am definitely petitioning the King about this one.

I take the bus back to Taichung ($240) and taxi back to my house ($130) and prepare to do it all over the next day. A $1,239NT Whopper.

"Hold the pickles,

Hold the lettuce.

Special orders don't upset us.

All we ask is that you let us charge you extra.

Have it your way."


Esquire Willy said...

Dang, I think PJ goes to HKG airport and gets a Whopper there 4 less than that? Including airfare!

Red A said...

Terminal 2 also has a Burger King...but I don't think it charges for changing sauces.

Rye said...

yeah, term 2 has a BK on the mezzanine overlooking the check in counters.. much nicer than the dungeon in term 1...

So, did you succeed in getting that flight finally?