Saturday, December 02, 2006

Attention Professor Dr. Bread

Just finished watching Penn and Tellers' Showtime series, Bullshit! covering PETA hypocrisy, recycling half-truths and environmental hysteria. The show on environmental hysteria raised some questions for me and seeing as we have a gen-u-ine in-house environmental lawyer-to-be, Bread, I figured he could help me out. So, Bread, put down the seabreeze and put on your tinfoil attorney thinking cap and give me counsel.

  1. First and foremost, do you know Daryl Hannah?
  2. If I can't use wood when making a tree house, what should I use? Would hemp hold up?
  3. If I did use wood to make my tree house, could you get Daryl Hannah to come over and sit in it?
  4. Considering Woody Harrelson's lunatic beliefs, don't you think he has an ironic name?
  5. Since Florida's gonna be gone in 50 years could you help me acquire some future beachfront property in southern Georgia?
  6. I hate my workplace environment. I feel threatened. More than one 7th grader has made fun of my hair ( something I know you can relate to ) and accused me of wearing a rug. Can I sue them? Remember that this is a private school and their parents are loaded. Can we sue them.

Thanks in advance for your reply and I look forward to buying a second-hand AMC Pacer with our windfall.

5 comments:

Bread said...

1. deny.
2. have no knowledge of the subject field with which to make a reliable representation. that being said, how about taiwanese concrete?
3. this question falls outside my abilities being as i do not personally know daryl hannah.
4. have no knowledge of his lunatic beliefs.
5. affirm.
6. we can take 'em.

Anonymous said...

ok lets take them ,then start our own regime if that is not spelt right i mean ,,,,,,we rule.......

USAhole said...

That is some funny shit. Nevertheless that student should have hell toupee!

Red A said...

Bread is a lawyer = known liar.

We all know he has "done" Daryl Hannah, probably with Woody Harrleson watching.

If he can lay pretty damn muchn every princess / governor's daughter from here to Timbuktu (yeah, no joke) than why not a mermaid?

Bread said...

oh, i'm sorry, did you mean in the biblical sense? in that case affirm.

but seriously, how does one 'lay' a mermaid? where does it go? between the scales??? you give me answers, and i'll get on it...