Lest We Forget

I Miss Bread

Currently rumoured to be journeying overland from Spain to the Far East...

Public Service Announcement

For all the boobies you can stand to look at, try this fark spin off.

Reason Canadianers have to pay such high tax rates appears to be these guys.

Should we be worried about being busted for activities we post on our blog? I told Mr. Lawrence (School Principal, Ret.) to check out the blog and make sure Stoney wasn't up to any bad shit, but can we trust anyone in Canada's public service to work more than 9 minutes a day?

Who does this remind you of?

Watch this poker video...

which player in Taiwan does it remind you of?

Answer in the comments please.

Getting Better

Pink Riders 44
Longhorns 65

That's their best effort yet! Congratulations J-Hole, by the time the conference tournament comes around your boys may be able to carry the UT jock straps after all.

****Breaking News*****

Ivo's first full sentence reported to be "Yep, when I grow up I wanna be just like my dad, Stoney." And really, who could blame the boy?

Superbowl Odds

Well, I guess for those at home, the Big Show is about to begin, of course for us here in Taiwan the Party begins tommorrow morning. I'll be there early in the morning and not so drunk this time. (until later)

As I know one of the boys down at the bar will be doing his best (j-hole) to bring some interesting odds to the bar, I thought I'd provide everyone with a link to some humourous odds, as well as share some of the highlights.

Superbowl Odds.......

9:1 odds than in an attempt to compliment Seattles' offensive line someone will say they open bigger gaps than the one in Shawn Alexander's teeth.

2:1 odds that there is a sign that reads "The bus stops in Detroit!"

25:1 odds that wr and 3rd string QB Antwan Randle El throws a trick play touchdown pass, causing Kordell Stewart to weep softly somewhere.

Anyways, here is a link to the rest of the odds .

Not sure who I'm cheering for, but........
It's going to be a great game, and I'm ready for some football!

Super Bowl

It's a Monday morning Party!! Super Bowl at FuBar. Door opens at 6:30, game starts at 7ish. Breakfast, Super Squares, prizes and the best Caesar at the far end of Soho St. Come help Jerry celebrate or watch a grown man cry in his beer. For those poor souls who have to work (Philly), will have a replay at 6 pm Monday night.

Ah-Doh-Ga?

Do any of you old timers know the story behind this little place on Tai Yuan Rd?

More Cartoons

Check out political cartoons from all over the world.

Urine Drinkers

I often make fun of the Taiwanese penchant for drinking urine. (Actually, I think there would be a market in Taiwan for a lightly carbonated urine drink "made from 100% pure baby urine.")

But apparently urine drinking is not just popular in the inscrutable Orient anymore. It is now finding new adherents in Florida of all places.

Urine drinker booted from job as crossing guard

Anyone dare do a google search for "urine therapy?" But for God's sake don't tell PJ that it will cleanse out his dead nose flesh! From the Skeptic's Dictionary:

Most devotees drink the midstream of their morning urine. Some prefer it straight and steaming hot; others mix it with juice or serve it over fruit. Some prefer a couple of urine drops mixed with a tablespoon of water applied sublingually several times a day. Some wash themselves in their own golden fluid to improve their skin quality. Many modern Japanese women are said to engage in urine bathing. The truly daring use their own urine as an enema. Urine is not quite the breakfast of champions, but it is the elixir of choice of a number of holy men in India where drinking urine has been practiced for thousands of years.

350 million more Canadians born overnight

Europeans traveling abroad are now joining that time honored tradition of having Canadian flags sewn onto their rucksacken and les backpacks to avoid being recognized as Europeans.

Outrage over caricatures of the Prophet Muhammad escalated in the Arab and Islamic world Thursday, with Palestinian gunmen briefly kidnapping a German citizen and protesters in Pakistan chanting "death to France" and "death to Denmark."

Here is a link to the offending cartoons. Oops sorry. Here's the real link.

One final cartoon which seems to be saying that swiss cheese is made by worms.

Personally, I am more angered and upset that this guy actually got paid for his "artwork."

Barbecue blog

At 12:30 this afternoon I put a 6 lb. pork shoulder on the barbecue. Should be ready around 5:00. Around 5:30 I will take a good size portion over to FuBar for people to sample. In between bastings I will catch you up on my trip to Puerto Galera and more important stuff. Meanwhile, I will leave you with this - the Asahi beer storing/pouring robot. A rip-off because the contest to win one of the robots is only open to those in Japan. English John, I call on you to drink the 36 beers for us and win Robot-san for us.

1:33 - You gotta tend your fire. Thought I had it stabilized, but it rose up to almost 300F in ten minutes. Hopefully it didn't dry it out much.

My favorite signs from the Philippines:

• Vulcanize - Evidently every person and their pets can vulcanize whatever might needed to be vulcanized.
• BJ Eatery - For some reason, they don't look too kindly on the possessive S, or at least I hope that's the case here.
• Cossack Vodka
• James-licious fried chicken - I know I've taught that word before.

windmills

Hey Rye Guy

When did you become just Rye? Seems like Ivo's been manipulating the controls again, better get that fixed before we rechristen the Stoney once and for all.

Map your experiences

Found this cool link which finally encouraged me to actually count how many countries I've been to. It will generate a map which shades in the countries you've visited, though be warned. I was certain I had visited more than 27% of the countries on the list (Taiwan is included!), but the facts speak differently. I need to spend more time in Europe and the Caribbean apparently. What I can't figure out is why Taiwan and Palestine are included (as is Western Sahara), but the Turkish Republic of North Cyprus is not. Only W.S. is recognized by the UN (not sure about Palestine's status these days), yet they lack a government, are ruled by Morocco (when Algeria isn't bombing them) and don't have a seat at the table. Strange. I'm bumping myself up to 28% on account of having been there.

Live from Club Manila

3:38 PM

$10 measly bucks. That's all it takes if you are at the Manila International Airport departure area. Go to the 4th floor, pay your $10 and enter Club Manila. For this you get, a mini-buffet, open bar ( beer, Gilbey's, Absolut, Johnny Walker, wine and dark rum). Also included is a scalp massage, 15 minutes of Internet usage - though they do have wi-fi, baggage storage and showers to use with towels provided. I mean, 10 bucks! That's a Coke and a newspaper at most airports. They also keep an eye on your plane for you in case you have been taking advantage of the facilities. We leave in an hour. See some of yall tonight.

Musical Chairs of Flag Burning

Apparently the music has stopped, and this time, the Danes got left without a seat. They now take the place of the United States as most hated country by the combined Islamic world (and Canada. Don't forget Canada.) Danish flags are now flying off the shelves to be burnt, spat upon, or used as a welcome mat.

Insiders tip that next week could be Thailand's turn, as the word pig in Thai looks a little bit like Allah in Arabic if you squint really hard and hold it upside down. Being high as a kite helps too.

For the love of that next blog button

Life is like the next blog button. You just never know what you are gonna get.

Brought to you by San Miguel

Over the years I have constantly upgraded my traveling style. I dabbled in Grunge-Indigent (beta version) until my Norton Anti-Schmuck zapped that sucker dead. I have since been using the Windows Me!Me!Me! format for all my travel needs.

Being married, I don't have to impress anyone and I long ago got my travel merit badge for condescending cantina conversation and haughty hardship tales. I've slept in parks, forests, rooftops, made bamboo rafts, become proficient in dysentery on 3 continents and eaten snake, rats and bugs. I now leave it to the new gangs of migrating hemp unionists to gild the Asian lotus of Culture, Adventure and Diversity. I have seen the (twi)light and since reset my travel gauges. Culture: Careless handling and mingling with my dirty clothes renders any Duty-Free item "authentic." Adventure: "Will there be meat?" Diversity: Rare or medium-rare?

So, for Chinese New Year I took my wife to a place that I have been to before but which she has not - Sinandigan Lodge in the Puerto Galera area of the Philippines. It's the perfect place for me and my wife will soon come to agree. Sinandigan is on the back side of Sabang. Sabang boasts many dive shops, bars, and hawkers selling Viagra labeled " Vagra " , " Cilitex " and unlabeled such as Zip-Loc and Hefty.

The tourists seem mainly European and male. Large, porcine males with numerous love handles, footholds and toeholds - easily scalable in minutes. The remaining few who have yet to obtain the rank of Yokozuna all look to be roadies from The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years. I'm not disparaging them. If more Americans were bold and cosmopolitan enough to sell off their business, wife and/or their soccer club jersey to live a month, a year in some Asian country to be able to learn to play bad guitar, rent a girl ( or near enough ) for as long as wanted and to display boldly-styled lower-back, upper-crack hair into the male equivalent of the female lower-back, lock-on-target tattoo, I would say the same.

Since I failed to meet the weight and hair requirements deemed necessary to make it in Sabang - oh, yeah, I was also disgusted - I choose a completely different setting.

Lazy Sunday

Check out this killa music video.

Poker?

Just wondering if there will be a game over the Chinese New Year.
Let me know by posting here thanks.
Happy Chinese New Year to all.

P.S. Brett, I'm looking for an off-season trade for A.J. Burnett. Interested?

Greetings

One quick generic post as to my whereabouts. I have put the grad school thing on hold and applied to various law schools. My LSATs went well enough, and I should be accepted somewhere (barring any serious mistakes in the application process). After much searching, I determined I am not a scientist, and environmental law seems to fit my interests and capabilities a bit more.

So, I am now in the south of Spain, where I hope to reacquire my Spanish over the next few months before enrolling in law school come fall. That about sums it up I think, so if any of you deign to make it to Europe in the next few months, let me know. The above photo is from Malaga...

Couple of More Personal Ads

Two more cute girls from the Yahoo personal ads:

No. 1: A redhead who includes a shot of her tatoo....I guess she doesn't want us lads to have any suprises. IMHO, this is her best photo. Plus she speaks German. Kinky!

No. 2: A brunette, who's only drawback is she live in Vacaville. Best shot is this one.

Again, I have to remove the well-endowed speedo photo, and if being a dirty old man is part of that package, well deal with it.

Thursday's Punjabi Chick from Yahoo Personals

Now, I don't know why Yahoo decided to send me the personal ad for a "Punjabi Girl Looking for a Cute Indian" but I'll enjoy the scenery as it helps push that photo of "Dick" Cheney further off our website.

Ataturk

I really don't like the image of the man in the speedo...so I thought I'd help move into the archives with this post.

Here's Kemal Ataturk's website. You should learn more about him.

Of course not everyone loved him, for varying reasons.

Yes, Bread, your letter of recommendation is almost done. This post was done in about 4 minutes between meetings.

Just for you Dean

Found this photo clearly documenting Bush's 'contact' with Abramoff. An outraged Bush claims it is clearly a fake because his package is much larger. The Democrats, citing a lack of original ideas, have said that they will push the issue of Bush's penis size in this fall's campaign to take back Congress.

My Big Ell Post

Check out this video, especially if you are either a D&D fan and/or into sex toys.

It's like two fer one.

I guess it's time to update the map

Now, instead of making any snide comments, how about a link to a video of some celebrity boob fondling? Safe for work I think.

A Call to Canadia

When I look to the Great White North and the current political situation, I can't help but chuckle. When the great traitor Belinda wins a seat, when the 'I don't support gay marriage guy' becomes prime minister, and a party professing its desire to split from the government gains fifty seats in the aforementioned government, I wonder how in touch with the beat of the nation are all the self appointed, flag on the backpack, super inclusive professing ambassadors of your fine nation.

Most every Canadianer I meet tells me Ralph Klein is a freak, and yet he continuously gets put back into office. When I mention this people say that's just Alberta. Is Alberta in Canada? When they go off against the 'crazy separatists' they say they are just those wackos from Quebec. When I say that the Tories own the prairies, people say they are just farmers.

Seems to me the only Canadianers which are real Canadianers come from Vancouver or Toronto and believe in same sex marriage, world peace and hate George Bush... All admirable qualities (and ones which I by and large agree) , but perhaps not an accurate depiction of the fine nation to the north.

Fantasy Politics?

An interesting view from an email i recently receive, I don't know how to hat tip anyone, but this is probably worth a read from some of our readers.
Ht Rick Mercer. All errors of english are his!

Conservative Cabinet Revealed
Many sports fans spend their days building fantasy football or baseball teams. Likewise there are a handful of nerds out there who create fantasy cabinets. I do this all the time. I often kill time at the airport compiling my dream cabinet in the back of a scribbler. This week for example my dream cabinet would contain John Crosbie, Geddy Lee and Justin Pogge. Luckily for the Nation I will never choose a cabinet so we will never know what kind of damage I could wreak on the country.I have it on very good authority however that Stephen Harper is spending a lot of time playing the game these days. Word is the back room on the Harper bus resembles the woodshed from A Beautiful Mind; the walls are littered with the names of potential conservative cabinet ministers. Luckily my secret mole in the Tory Campaign (Tom Flannagan) has been taking photos of the notes with his hand held palm device and forwarding me the information on a daily basis. This is what the Tory Cabinet looks like so far.

Stockwell Day Minister of Foreign Affairs
Stockwell Day is perhaps the most experienced and most talented member on the Conservative front bench.Stockwell is currently Foreign Affairs critic for the Conservative Party and he has done a bang-up job. When he was questioned as to why his party did not offer condolences to the Palestinians when Yasser Arafat died Stock responded by sending out a column by David Frum that speculated that Yasser died of AIDS.With Stock representing Canada on the world stage can Peace in the Middle East be far away?

Jason Kenney Minister of Health
Jason Kenney is an embarrassment of riches for the conservative party. He is one of Stephen Harper most trusted lieutenants and is experienced, well-liked and hirsute.He is perfectly suited to a m幨ange of cabinet positions, and while he has a grasp on all the issues health seems to be his forte. do support the idea of private health care. - Jason Kenney, Conservative Party critic on Canada-U.S. Relations, October 31st 2000.

Rob Anders Minister of State (Multiculturalism)
Rob Anders is the guy to reach out to Canada diverse multicultural communities.Nelson Mandela is a terrorist. - Rob Anders
Rob is a true reformer and a true conservative. He has been a faithful supporter of mine and I am grateful for his work.? - Stephen Harper endorsing Calgary West Conservative MP Rob Anders

Vic Toews Minister of Justice
Vic is the current Justice Critic and he takes the bull by the horns. He believes the notwithstanding clause should be used to override minority rights. He calls it the ltimate tool?and so it is. The notwithstanding clause can be used to take away the rights of gay people to marry each other or the rights of the Chinese to drive. If youare white and straight the chance of this being used against you are slim to none. This is for uppity minorities only. In case of emergency uppity-ness please break glass.

Minister of Citizenship and Immigration Art Hanger
Immigrants are choking welfare systems, contributing to high unemployment, and many cannot read.?
- Conservative MP Art Hanger

David Sweet Minister responsible for the Status of Women
There's a particular reason why Jesus called men only. It's not that women aren't co-participators. It's because Jesus knew women would naturally follow. Men, on the other hand, had to be called. - Conservative Candidate David Sweet former President & CEO of Promise Keepers Canada

Brian Fitzpatrick Minister of Indian Affairs and Northern Development
You can't scalp me because I haven't got much hair on top of my head. -Conservative Candidate Brian Fitzpatrick

Darrel Reid Minister responsible for the Canadian Wheat Board
I think every Christian's under an obligation to change laws to reflect biblical values. Different Christians are going to try to change different laws, according to the call God gives them. You see Christians in all political parties. That reflects different understandings of what God's call is to us. That's a healthy thing. If the yeast congregates in one part of the loaf, it makes for pretty bad bread."-Conservative Candidate Darrel Reid former president of Focus on The Family Canada

Cheryl Gallant Women Caucus Chair
We saw that young American having his head cut off. What's happening, what is happening down there no different. - Conservative MP Cheryl Gallant (Renfrew-Nipissing-Pembroke) at a 2004 pro-life rally on Parliament Hill, comparing abortion to the beheading of American Nicolas Berg by insurgents in Iraq

Of course this is just a fraction of what the final cabinet will look like. Harper will have to come up with another 25 cabinet ministers. There is a rumour however that he might make history and actually be minister of everything; removing all MPs from the process. If you have any inside information on who will be in the Conservative cabinet, or should be in the Conservative cabinet, be sure to email with any and all information.

Posted by Rick Mercer

Who is she?

A-Rod and his pictures

Thank you A-hole for putting a wide grin on my face. She is smokin' hot. I think i want to go to Holland on a field trip.

More Fetish Chicks and Osama Bin Laden

Hot chicks wearing anime outfits.


Latest Osama Bin Laden tapes...but these are the outtakes.

Dutch commander criticises US military in Afghanistan

"The actions of the Americans have had little or no effect. The Taliban was dealt with - and that was very necessary - but the country is no more stable as a result," General Dick Berlijn told 'Elsevier' magazine.

Discussing the 'Dutch approach' to overseas missions in conflict zones, Berlijn said: "We know you can't just roar through the streets in tanks with closed turrets."

"Some countries", he said, "react in an unnecessarily harsh manner in conflict zones, thereby generating unnecessary resistance".

Berlijn said Dutch troops rely on their discipline to maintain their own tempo if challenged by violence. The troops are also trained to respect local cultures. There is never a question of 'lift your burka' and searching the wearer. We have never frisked women and children in Iraq."

Yep, the Dutch "softly, softly" approach is just wonderful:

Does anyone remember in Sbrenica that Dutch soldiers did NOTHING as Serbs massacred the muslim population?

Many teams investigating the massacre -- which the Serbs this week admitted they planned and executed -- have questioned the role Dutch troops played in the killings. The troops were there as peacekeeping forces in a United Nations security zone, yet they did nothing to stop Bosnian Serb militias from rounding up and gunning down thousands of men and boys.

No offense, Dutch general dude, but you might want to back off on your comments that the Dutch way of warfare is superior to the American way. I'm sure both styles have their drawbacks, and the British and Dutch occupying the Shia areas of Iraq certainly think their way works better. (Though, suprisingly, they don't offer to take over the Sunni triangle...)

Then again, Kofi Annan is a big fan of US style peacekeepers:

He expressed hope that the United States would participate in a planned U.N. rapid reaction force, authorized by the Security Council earlier this month, that would have the firepower to intimidate armed gangs threatening the country's fragile political transition. Officials said that similar requests are being considered for other countries, including Canada and France. "We want scarier troops," one senior U.N. official said. Annan told Rice that the Haitians "respect the U.S. military"

And, just a tip, the bad guys do wear burkas to hide themselves. And apparently so do the Pakistani commandos who are tasked to capture them. That would make a cool scene in a movie.

Is this for real?

and do they come in lesbian versions?

I'd like to send one to the Karl for his birthday.

More Pepper Spray Videos

Check out another cool video of protestors being pepper sprayed.

Also, regarding Posse Comitatus, there are many exceptions to this law, and since 1999 onwards any sort of terrorist threat is apparently one of them. (Do you think there were any such threats for President Bush's inauguration? Nah, he's loved by everyone!)

But if you really want to get your legal information from a man wearing mouse ears, please continue to do so. He's also advising you to tell security staff that you do not consent to be searched. Enjoy trying this yourselves next time you are flying out of Taiwan.

Now, you will notice that many of the top google hits for Posse Comitatus are from Canadian web sites that make various predicitions. Any of them happen yet? Anyone wonder why Nova Scotia and New Brunswick are apparently included in some possible scheme to prepare the USA for martial law under Bush? I'm guessing they are also run by extreme right wing fundamentalist Christian leaders who are lackeys to the oil industry and puppets of Bu$hitler.

80-46?

Wow. The Pink Riders are getting worked over pretty hard by Bevo this year. Maybe they should contact a sports psychologist to help them lick their wounds. At the very least, I am expecting a recruiting call to Formosa, seeking the help of J-Hole (or anyone that can shoot a roundball). Hope Bobby Knight knows Frenchie now lives in Canadia.

This guy's talking about the posse comitatus act of 1878...

Check out the pepper spray cannons the stormtroopers are using to hold off the peaceful protesters...

Back from China

Hopefully I will be able to get out this week-end. Is this FuBar place any good? I heard a rumor it was Canadian owned though...

While I was trawling through stock research for 2006 IRA picks, I disovered that people in Texas actually eat food from a restaurant chain named "Luby's."

I would have guessed the company was a gay bathhouse in Austin or an automotive tune up shop.

Their slogan: "Tastes like Texas." Ewwwwwwwww.

Kevin the Kayaker

Kevin the Kayaker

Watch the video

My friend Kevin visited me at the Lake back in the summer of '04

FuBar

yes, FuBar is open. Fu, as in lucky, and F.U.B.A.R., as in... you guessed it. As noted by J-Hole, grand opening will be February 10th. Music and free food as well as drink specials. Tainan Shane, contact me or somebody of importance, would like you to play. Meanwhile, I am open and serving the thirsty masses, hours are Monday to Thursday 5-11, Friday 5-12, Saturday and Sunday 2-12, or until the last guy leaves. Should have food next week. Thanks to everybody who has stopped by, nice to see you. Special thanks to J-Hole and Philly Jim for paying the rent. AJ, better Bloody Mary's are on the way.
Boo Yaw!

Lubbock firefighters of the Ricky Martin brigade christen their new FedEx jet.

News never stops breaking in Lubbock, not as long as The Avalanche-Journal is around.

The Lubbock Fire Department Monday morning received an aircraft
donated by FedEx for Aircraft Rescue Fire Fighting Training.

Parked safely away from all avalanche-prone areas. Unfortunately, bored people, pyros and Lubbock firefighters will ultimately be disappointed in the new gift.

Deputy Fire Marshall Garett Nelson said the plane will not be set on fire
for training simulations..

According to a news release that the A-J was fortunate enough to discover, this astonishing bit of information:

Before its final flight, the airplane was used for more than 28 years to
transport packages throughout the United States, according to a news
release.

_________________________________________________________________________

Even though PJ is away on vacation in Thailand ( the real Thailand, not the overbuilt, touristy Thailand that has running water and electricity ), Nepal ( learning Nepali police commands) and Tibet ( freeing it, of course), it's past due for a HOT TEA PJ installment. Even more so when you consider that January is Hot Tea Month.

• Routinely, I will engage PJ in a discussion about the proper way to handle cooked food. I have never won this discussion and fear I never will. When I told him that cooked food needs to be cooled as rapidly as possible - leaving cooked food out to cool down at room temp prolongs the time that it's in the danger zone of 40-140 F - and that this is neither superstition nor tradition, but science, he stifled me with, "You're talking science. I'm talking reality." I'll need some help from Karl in interpreting that.
• February 10th is the official opening of FuBar. PJ returns on March 2nd. Construction of an armed checkpoint across the middle of Soho Street commences March 3rd.
• Names under consideration for the next Sports Day combined team are P-Fu, P-Bar, BarPJ and BarFu.
• I will buy anyone a drink of their choice at PJ's if they can give me a good recipe for chicken spaghetti. Really. I want the danged recipe. If you're reading this outside of Taichung, go to a bar, order a drink and put it on my tab. That's what I would do anyway.
• AmCham evidently holds bi-weekly pub crawls. That's news to me. I haven't seen them on Soho street, well, almost ever. You have to register ahead of time online. That is unless "...you don't know how to click 'Submit'" you can just show up. Oh, they also highly recommend knee pads and gloves. Mayor Hu must be a regular.

Free stuff

It holds ten kirins and two bags of ice. It has an am/fm radio. It is easy to carry and if you want it you can have it for free. I used it once, so it is still new and clean.

Poker Seating by JW

Poker Seating by JW

Watch the video There are some of us who used to play poker every Friday. Some of the guys still play. JW gets surly about seating

Read all about JW and the gang at nihowdy.

Little People

Little people are not allowed to go walking in the dark country side. Why? Ghosts live in the dark country side.Ghosts come out at night, and babies can see ghosts. So if the baby sees a ghost MAYBE the baby will be afraid and not be able to sleep well.
Chinese new year is coming. Red envelopes have to be stuffed. Babies receive small token amounts of money. People old enough to work receive slightly more then token amounts to "grease the wheels".
The unexpected... the wife married a whitey to escape chinese traditional family obligations. The inlaws that married a Chinese person are expected or required to cook, clean, look after children all single handed.
Perhaps I am becoming PETTY. The little guy who thinks too much about nothing.

English Brett gave me a short novel called The Pidgeon. A man starts losing it when a small bird enters his world. Great read so far.

Well the little one has three teeth. Too the amazement of some of the local yolkals she enjoys smiles and silly faces in all languages. To my advantage some smart alecs are cutting me some slack cause I am in the Dad club. However as a new member I think I receive one free swing at the next smartarse. I'll keep you posted.

No, this is not Larry the Cable Guy's house. This is my lovely, quaint ( probably built in the 50's) stand-alone house in Taichung. In a country where most people live in apartments or blocks of cut-rate brownstone houses, we are fortunate to have this piece of concrete. We even have a small patch of yard wrapping around the side of the house. When our city is like this, we consider ourselves blessed.

In the foreground is our deck, built by my Taiwanese friend with a Japanese name, Yo-san. What good would a deck be without stuff to put on it? And number one on any right-thinking male's list should be a grill. This grill can broil, roast and barbecue, assuming that you can. It was built by my South African friend with the unlikely name of Yuri B. Human, according to a design promoted by Smoky Hale in his Great American Barbeque Instruction Book. Buy the book. You'll improve your grilled fare 100% after 2 pages. No lie. Can I get an "Amen", Big Ell?

Chinese New Year approaches and work is tapering off. A great time to continue my 'cuing. St. Louis style spareribs? Check. Barbecued beef chuck? Yep. Time for a barbecued pork shoulder. However, I'm running out of the persimmon wood that I've been using. If any locals have access to any acceptable hardwood - a fruit-bearing tree will be most likely around here - you've guaranteed yourself a seat at the table. If you don't have the wood, you're still welcome, provided you provide me with...oh, let's say something to drink or a good recipe for chicken spaghetti ( And don't bother go getting it off the Internet. I want a tried-and-tested recipe from a mom or the church picnic). I'm shooting for the week either before or after Chinese New Year. Let me know soon, as I will be in the Philippines during CNY. 恭喜發財 GōngXǐ FāCái (Happy New Year).

AND...

the Indianapolis/ Pittsburgh game taped and shown Monday night at 6:30

NFL PLAYOFFS

FuBar will have Denver Broncos vs New England Patriots, Sunday morning at 9 am. Replay at 1:30 and 6:30, clientele permitting. Breakfast will be served.

Vince enters the draft

At least the uniform won't be a shock.

There's a new laoban in town.

Taking over that little corner spot on Soho Street is none other than Ni Howdy contributor, D-Wayne. Replacing the vacant Stix will be FuBar (the Chinese has the same pronunciation, but I'm not sure about the characters because two "fu" characters have almost identical meanings as far as his intent). The papers were signed at 8:30 Sunday morning and he promptly opened - the half filled bottles of Lychee liquor and Glenlivet. Games have already been shown and will continue to be shown. D-Wayne will be working on getting it up to his standards while keeping the doors open for those who want to drop by and get a drink. As of Sunday, that would only be beer, but each day will see a little more added and him more addled.

Breaking news! Along with mangling and distorting, what the China Post staff is doing at any given moment.

Rose Bowl Rewind

Now that you have all seen the game (I hope), Texan egos couldn't be larger. Having just returned from Austin, everyone is aware that they are now the reigning National Champs in football and baseball, and with last week's thrashing of Memphis in hoops, could become the first team to hold all three at titles at the same time (I'm still not buying into the Runnin' Horns).

Let it also be known that J-Hole predicted the quarterback from Texas Tech (he of the 15-32 performance against Alabama) to be first team Big 12, citing a Fox Sports preseason poll. Hmmm.....Fox making a mistake? Unimaginable...

Rose Bowl

I have the Rose Bowl game on tape. J-Hole, where shall we watch it?
Might be a good time to get the fantasy football guys together, so Frogs
can buy us a beer.

Yahoo Personal Ads - Sorry Pimp

Here are a couple of tips for potential Yahoo personal ads users:

1. Include a photo of yourself next to an extremely unattractive person to boost your chances.

2. If you are fat, you could be optimistic and say you have an athletic body type, but then you probably shouldn't claim to be "a straight shooter."

3. It is wise to be honest about your background...for example this girl does not mention that her father was the Koolaid mascot, but her photo shows her true nature.

4. As much as I like football, I seriously doubt any true man wants to date a Packer's fan. I instantly imagine this girl trying to convince me to wear a wedge of cheese my head. On the other hand, the sympathy sex you will get for the next 5 seasons or so will be great.

Could Christmas have been any worse?

12 days in DongGuan.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my company sent me
Twelve taxis honking
Eleven beggars chasing
Ten suppliers delaying
Nine Pabst Blue Ribbons
Eight days of heartburn
Seven hours on buses
Six dim sum dinners
Five annoying waiters
Four different hotels
Three McDonald's meals
Two KTV girls
And a Hakka dog meat vendor!

Soho Street - Taichung

In the foreground with the patio umbrellas is PJ's, watering hole for guys, men and other types of males. Soho Street is more like an alley, about the same width as the ones back home in Lubbock, only shorter and bricked with most of the trash being kept on the inside during the cold and rain. Invisible on the back right is Salut Pizza - the only other food/bar venture other than PJ's able to survive for any reasonable length of time. Back even farther on the right corner is the equivalent of the Philadelphia Eagles or the Buffalo Bills: an organization that looks really promising, tempts patrons and ultimately ends up collapsing like a Don King second-tier stable boy. Various names, same result - nada. Close up and leave the equipment for the next sacrifice. However, and that is a caution-laden optimistic however, within the week that all could change. Many have eyeballed the corner lot and thought about what if. This week, we should know if that becomes a what will. That's enough for now except to say that if it does work out, we will have a place to resume watching the playoffs together while enjoying our morning, frosty, adult beverages.

Red A at 12

Watch the Kid from the Man Show in the Beer Stand and Try to Get a Date .

Red A

Have lost your email, please send it along.

Northern Command Meeting

There will be a meeting tonight of the Northern Command at N.C. Headquarters ( 8 Drunken Fairies). D-Wayne (NOT in Canada) will be there. Start time is 5:30 for me and later for yall. Bring books for swapping. We will suspend the "Hey this is a book exhange. I don't care how many books you bring" rule of taking only one book. I might even bring some barbecue for take home. If you want some, let me know before 5:00.

Christmas 'Cue

8 pounds of beef chuck, only hours away from being served. This was my first attemp at barbecuing chuck. Brisket, yes. Ribs, yes. Chuck, nay. However, with a little help from Smoky and my custom-made barbecue grill, I was able to get it done within Smoky's time parameters, but not my wife's. She quickly recanted after chomping down on a mouth chock-ful of chuck. We were joined by Kevlar and Kaia, Jimbo and Rye. We all thanked God for the barbecue, Petra for the jalapeno corn bread and the Green Giant for the corn. While it's wonderfully edible without any finishing sauces - well, okay, one light coat - I did provide one at the table. It's a Smoky recipe, both very easy and superior to store-bought stuff. Almost anything is if you make it yourself and can still eat it. With regards to Smoky, here is the finishing sauce of his that I used.

Mid-South Finishing Sauce
1 cup ketchup
1/2 cup vinegar
4 Tbs. Worcestershire
1 cup water
1/2 cup butter
4 Tbs. brown sugar
1 Tbs. black pepper
1 Tbs. Tabasco
2 lemons, juice of
3 Tbs. yellow mustard
1 Tbs. salt

Mix and simmer 10-20 minutes

The only changes I made were to use apple cider vinegar and add some pure chipotle chile powder. Try it out and let me hear back. Remember, this is a finishing sauce and will burn unless applied at the tail end of cooking.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Thinking of visiting Taiwan? Why not? After all Taiwan boasts some of the most creative minds in fashion and nouvelle fusion cuisine. The epitome of this renaissance resides in the heart of Taiwan itself, Taichung. And nowhere else is more representative than PJ's Cafe. Our longtime friend and holder of our tabs, PJ boldly experiments with new concepts and dishes. But we all know how some of these highfalutin prima donnas can be. At times, PJ is no different. He has a tendency to be a wee bit garrulous. We're talking bite-the-gun-and-pull-the-trigger verbosity. So we have prepared a list of words, phrases and topics to avoid, lest you want to void your life insurance policy.

NOT SAFE

cabins n painting (house) n Barney and/or the Flinstones n hitchhiking n backpackers

High School football n massage therapy n real estate n the Irish (not Notre Dame) n the KMT

the exchange rate n the smell in the bathroom n drug dealer Kevin n gangsters n UFOs

the 1st week in Taiwan n defending Taiwan n service n tipping

We have deemed the following SAFE - 3 sentences or less in reply

ice hockey n food safety procedures n suppliers' identities n sci-fi n Malawi n mullets

Santa and his reindeer (tee hee)

This guy is collecting the wrapping papers. The price of cardboard recycling must have gone up. There are alot more people recyling/

Mashed Taters and Carrots for Kevlar

This is the base from which you add your own variations.

Ingredients:

• 4 lb large boiling potatoes such as Yukon Gold or russet (baking) potatoes: NOTE - 6 large potatoes is roughly 4-4 1/2 lbs.
• 1 1/2 cups whole milk
• 1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted butter, cut into tablespoon pieces and softened
• 1 teaspoon salt, or to taste
• 1/2 teaspoon black pepper

Destructions:

To peel or not? Most people peel the potatoes, however, I don't. The skin adds a texture I like with little discernible color to the taters. Strictly your call. Place the cut potatoes in cold, salted water to cover and simmer about 20 minutes or until tender. The size of the cut doesn't matter as much as making the pieces as uniform as possible so they will all cook the same. Drain and return to pan. Add butter and room temperature ( or even warmed ) milk, salt and pepper and mash the bejeezus out of them. If you don't have a potato masher, a fork will suffice if you put a little elbow grease into it. Makes about 8 servings.

Variations:

When in Puerto Galera, you, me and the boys sampled some truly fine mashed potatoes made from scratch per order. The owner and cook of the Sinandigan Lodge, Fred, allowed me into the kitchen to show me his method. He simply substituted cream for the milk and added a touch of nutmeg. Both can be found easily in Taichung.

Roasted garlic is easy to add and always wonderful. Get a couple of heads of garlic and cut the heads off - just a little bit - and leave the skins on. Drizzle with olive oil and salt and pepper. Wrap them in foil and put in a oven safe dish and cook at 350F / 175C for almost an hour. The skins will be brown and the garlic will squeeze out like toothpaste. Mix it into the potatoes to suit your taste.

Carrots

I'm going to give you the links to the search results of two good cooking sites: Epicurious and Southern Living. Kevlar, you could also just steam them. Put the sliced carrots on the steaming rack of your rice cooker and have at it. Throw some salt, pepper and any herbs you have on top. Herbs, tea leaves, broth and wine could also be added to the steaming water. The texture of steamed veggies is always superior to boiling as well as most other methods. Be creative, have fun and good luck.

Tramp to part with

The dumpster diving Canadian scored a cool guitar and a trampoline in the orginal box. It has some dust and zero to little usage. Interested parties let me know. Free to me, Free to you.

Yo creo en Pancho Clos!

Feliz Fiesta? No sir! It's Feliz Navidad! Definitely so in Lubbock, Texas. We'll keep using Christmas and Navidad when appropriate. To my soon-to-be-perplexed compadres in the North, East, West Coast, college coffee houses...I offer this story of multiculturalism originating from the Hub City, the story of Pancho Clos. The story was written in Spanish by Jesse Reyes from Lubbock, Texas, based on an older song. It's downright confusing, but, in the link below, look for the burritos, fuel sources, collective bargaining and the development of elves and women. Here is the thorough(ly challenging ) explanation of the story from from El Editor newspaper in Lubbock.

We'd like to wish a Merry Christmas to our friends who are not on the island at the moment - Bread and Ex-Gentleman Chris, Frenchie, D-Wayne, Tall Karl , Tom-u, English John and D.U.G. - as well as to those still here and those never destined to visit.

If you'll be in Taichung for Christmas, don't have plans and would like to celebrate, let me know - quickly. My wife is pushing me to get a turkey. I was thinking of barbecued chuck or a Boston butt (pork shoulder for all you wise acres). PJ will be showing the football games in the morning and Deshea will be making breakfast for anyone who would like to join. Please let her know before showing up and demanding some of her very good grub. I think I'll stay around the house - I can always sneak upstairs to watch the game.

The Lynch's Christmas Trees

Christmas tree, Tassy, Tassy's yurt and Tassy's tree.

Dutch Christmas traditions

Last night I spent some time talking with an acquaintance of mine, Aad, from the Netherlands. I was on my way to buy some decorations for our Christmas tree and that prompted him to point out the way it was - not so much anymore - done in Holland during Christmas time.

I am telling this according to his recollection of how it was actually practiced, historical inaccuracies and ignorance included.

The Dutch celebrate Christmas in two parts, and when you think about it , you wonder why it's not like that everywhere. At least I did.

The first celebration is on December 5th. This is Saint Nick's birthday and it's all his day. This is the day of receiving presents and it's done a bit differently than in North America. On this day, Saint Nick comes to town with a book of all the children's names indicating their behavior for the year. Good ones get the goodies while the bad ones get beaten or taken away with Saint Nick's helper, Black Peter. Now Aad wasn't sure about Black Peter's origin but he stated Saint Nick was believed to come from Spain and hence his helpers were Moors from Spain. Here's a concise explanation of his true origins.

As evening approaches, children gather together in their houses and start to sing carols. They have to balance their ardor with trying to discern the distinct sounds of Saint Nick's arrival. In Holland, there is no sleigh but a white horse that Santa uses to cross the roofs and drop sacks of toys down the chimney. Children leave wooden clogs stuffed with hay and carrots for his horse. If you sing long and loud enough, you might receive a personal visit from Saint Nick himself. If not, Black Peter will leave a bag of gifts in front of the door and disappear after a rap on the door. Here is where it sometimes gets a bit tricky. Parents need to arrange for a neighbor, friend or relative to don the costume and visit their houses and bring the sack of gifts. No problem, yet. There are also...umm... freelance Santas roaming the streets listening for the sounds of carols so that they might visit the house. According to Aad, it is customary to give Santa a shot or two of some local spirits and a little tip when leaving. You can't turn Santa away, so you have to go along. After several visits, it's possible that some of the Santas are bursting with liquid Christmas cheer. Parents' creativity is tasked as they have to explain why Santa keeps returning, looks different and doesn't seem to be able to speak any recognizable language - Of course you don't understand! He's speaking Santa language! They must also guard against the children going outside when there are multiple Santas in the area, lest they witness rival Santa and Black Peter gangs duke it out over their turf. However, parents are usually more than up to the job and judging by Aad's smile and bright eyes, it was a truly wonderful occassion.

The second celebration is for Christmas, the birth of Christ, itself. Trees go up after the 5th, sans presents underneath. There is no rush to buy anything - everything has already been bought. Christmas day is reserved for Christ and the celebration of his birth at church. Time was running out on me, so I did not get as many details about the particulars of this day, but the simple idea of splitting the two struck me. Why not? When the two are together, one or the other, or more probable, both will become diluted.

Time to finish trimming the tree. Merry Christmas!

Bikini clad women teach calculus

Watch and learn.

Delayed Partial Live Blogging Pavarotti

What you see is what I got. A blurry, indistinct sight of a large man who was much warmer than I.








Luciano Pavarotti came to Taichung, Taiwan this last Wednesday, December 12. It was the final concert of the Asian leg of his farewell tour. Why did he come to Taichung and only Taichung? In December? Outside? Well, I think that is due to the influence and work of our mayor, Jason Hu. While not able to do much about crime or scooter punks, he has made it a nicer environment for shootings and rat racing. Nicer parks and all sorts of concerts. In 2001 he got Jose Carreras to perform in Taichung Stadium, and I truly believe he enjoyed it as much as the audience (I was seated in a much closer location than for L.P.). Anyhoo, I think J.H. talked to J.C. and he swayed (very carefully,from a safe distance) L.P. into opera-ing out in Taichung. What follows is my song by song replay, according to my notes. Yes, I took notes and damn near ruined my eyes.

• Song 1 - We are at the very top of the stadium. Pimp and his girl are already seated there. My wife found a seat next to them and I found the wall to lean against and look down and try to figure out who the hell was selling Taiwanese sausages at a Pavarotti concert.
• It starts to drizzle. Great. It's cold. Nipple cracking cold. I wanna go...Wait! The curtain opens and not more than 3 seconds later, the Big Man starts to sing. What the hell is he wearing? A huge beach towel? Is he standing or sitting? It looks like some sort of throne. This question will plague me all night.
• Okay, Song 1 is over. He's saying something. Oh, it's "Thank you." I have been told Pavo is the master of the high C. Or is it Hi-C? I think his fluorescent toga suggests the latter.
• Pimp informs me that it's the former and will help me keep a High C watch.

• Song 2 - No notes for song 2. I checked with Pimp. Yeah, I missed the song, but no High C. I did catch 4 more "Thank you's", however. I decide to keep a tally. So far, no other words.

• Song 3 - Nada. It's over and again I didn't notice. So far, the songs have been soft and lilting. Like a feather in the wind, cradle-rocking back and forth with an occasional quick twirl, the songs lull you into a 4-beer complacency. I want a pick-me-up or at least some dark, brooding, Godfather killing music. The Thank you meter continues to roll.

• Song 4 - Almost tapped my foot. Song ends, I reach for my boot to procure my flask of Jim Beam and Pimp turns around immediately and asks " Got any whiskey?"

• Songs 5-about 7 - A duet with a soprano - Ave Maria. Luciano speaks! " I...peace..umm...like grrrmph world...aaimmth peace" At least that's what I got out of it. The chick is good and belts it out. Sounds like she's covering for Pavarotti on the high notes. An orchestra song. Pimp (ax man for a heavy metal tribute band) assures me that they are gooood. The overs for the Thank you's are in the bag. The chick , probably not good form to call her a chick but it will stand until I buy a program, is singing alone. What happened to Pavarotti? I never see him leave. How does he...What the hell was that? During the middle of the chick's song, Pavi is illuminated and cough/sings out a "Braaahh." That's it. One...umm...word, I think. Maybe he has voice activated lights and some dumplings were backing up on him. Thank God he didn't have any yams. Could this song be considered a duet? Okay, now they're doing a proper duet. Not bad. Could fit in MTV's rotation if it were in English. The screen just showed a partial, full body shot( Yeah, a partial, full - It's acceptable grammar to say that about Luci P. ). He's not standing, but not really sitting, either. Sort of a standing recline. Haven't seen him move anything other than his mouth.

• Intermission to finale - If Pavarotti didn't demand a break the Taiwanese would have taken one anyway. I've never seen so many Taiwanese not smoke for this long in my life. The lights come on. Nope, my bad. That's the illumination of about 20,000 lighters. Now, the lights come on. Pimp thinks the chick is outshining L.P. He also thinks he is lip-syncing. Resuming the concert, there's a couple of short songs, the orchestra and a duet.Not getting much out of it. Hey, he's moving.Doing an over-the-head clap. Trying to get the crowd going? No, just one of those embarrassing I'll-clap-for-myself claps. The chick sings another and nails a high something! The guys watching from a building behind me give her a lot of Wooos! Wow, she does it again and the guys really like it. Big Man back singing a song 1 livelier than death. Next song features flutes, happy violins and bells or spoons or something like that. Makes you want to saunter. Pavlovrotti now singing about Vento? Sounds like a jingle. Shorten it and edit it and I'd probably buy one. What? No friggin way! Pimp says he just hit the High C.I was listening and didn't hear anything above a...um...well, whatever two below a high C is. I finish Jim Beam while he prepares his encore.

• Encores - Thank God it's almost over. Got a long day tomorrow. OOHH! He's talking. Dedicating the next song to Taichung and Mayor Hu. It's Granada. Sounds sorta like Volare, but more up tempo. Next song is dedicated to an Italian inn. I would love a transcript so I could know just what he's saying. His English is just broken and mumbly enough for the Taiwanese to understand and for me to not. Finale Encore - Slips into good English and prefaces this song by asking the audience to "Whatever you do, please, please do not clap." He then goes on to demonstrate what not to do by very deliberately and theatrically clapping for all to see on the two large stage screens. He sings. We all clap - he had it coming.

• Exit - At the end of the final encore, Dean wanders in front of me a offers me a beer in a PJ's coozie. I accept.

Conclusion - While I was underwhelmed, I still mildly enjoyed it. Carreras was better, but Pavarotti is older and more infirm (Wow! There wasn't even a bit of faint praise in that but). I predict Mayor Hu will have Placido Domingo here within 2 years and then I can pull off the 3 Tenors hat trick.

Ugly tree contest

It is difficult to get a good picture of an ugly tree. Don't worry the candycane is still in the plastic. Anything else you find fault with was photoshopped into the picture.
So lets see some Christmas tree picture cheer, Rye told me "If you are cold" he still has plenty of Breads socks that he is not using. Great socks for stuffing and mounting on the mantle.

If your tree is not ugly, it is ok to post a picture. ( Come on Bread).

Never Let Your Kid Party with Kirk

Well, at least make sure your kid never drinks whiskey with Kirk.

Unless you like your kid surly, mean, and going on about bands.

Sorry to Kirk for using you as a paragon of bacchanalian* virtue.



*Gunning Fog bastards

Sunday Sunday Sunday

An eight tile game, that arrived on the scence before mahjong.
800 000 Nt and you can have no cusotmers too.
The cats are growing big. The peppers seem to be stunted.
How would you like to ride this to work on a cold day?
What J-hole needs in his garage.

This must be just like living in Paradise!

Ah.... I remember this. Not even a year ago. Beautiful Boracay island. Well that time of year has arrived. Time to start planning a trip. Tickets are booked. Manilla.....Well for about two hours anyways. Now readers (Brett), I'm thinking of planning a trip to El Nido, based of course on the beautiful white beaches, food and quiet. Is it as easy as boracay? Any feedback from readers as to a place to go, and simplicity of getting a place to stay would be well appreciated. I have the lonely planet. Tips from friends are always best. Thanks! Also if you have been to the two islands, which is more beautiful. I was really happy with my trip to Boracay last year. I have no problem returning.

Friday Personals Ad

Collected Wisdom of Yahoo Personal Ads

"Life is a gift, milk it!" Nice bikini shot for an amateur.

"Cuddling is non-negotiable! If you are a pothead, please don't message me."

"I like men who are sweet and sensual. They know what they want. they would have to be demanding and not act like a punk or some little boy."

"I believe in complimenting, compromising and even competing…the difference between “United” and “ Untied” is where you put the “I”, right?"

She forgot "There's no I in Team." Hey honey, are we complimenting tonight or compromising? Oh, I can see from the way you are matching me beer for beer it must be competing.

If you took the quiet, geeky girl next door, melted her down in a big pot, added three cups of diced adventure, one cup of unrefined curiosity, one cup of raw passion, one cup of well sifted sensitivity, and a dash of surliness, mixed well, then let cool, the resulting dish (for all you gastronomes) would resemble something very close to me.

Check this girl's pics...man she really does like the outdoors!

Have a nice week-end!

Happy Birthday RYAN !!!!

Mr. Rye is celebrating a birthday today. What would be an appropriate gift? Nice but not too nice. Manly but caring. Nothing too nipple-ly. It will have to be a day late whatever it is. Hmm . SUGGESTIONS?

China Post steals Ni Howdy writers

I'm not sure what concerns me more about this article from the China Post: the content or the writing style. The content suggests that any of the foreign musicians could be deported. Exempting folk singers and The Deported, that is a little troubling. The writing style and the fact that it appeared in Taiwan's oldest English daily as a bona fide news story is downright creepy. However, a quick click on their link explained the matter.

Official interpreters in Taiwan courts are often known as interrupters
2005/12/7The China Post staff

Interpreters are often known as interrupters.
They are, if they do not understand what they have heard or are unable to say what they mean.
Most, if not all, of official interpreters in courts of law in Taiwan definitely are.
Most of the time, however, their interruption matters little. Those foreigners they have interrupted in court, more often than not, do not complain. There were exceptions, of course. One of them occurred only a couple of days ago.
An American, known only as Scott, will have to be deported shortly.
The reason: Scott sang to entertain guests at a restaurant in Taitung free of charge.
Scott was arrested on charges of violating the alien service act. He entered Taiwan not as an entertainer. He was questioned by Taitung police, none of whom spoke English.
By gestures and other body languages, investigators got answers from Scott, who was then asked to sign the police report on his "crime."
He refused to sign, because he knows his answers were concocted by non-English-speaking cops. One of them, however, knew enough English to tell the American, "You in big trouble."
The American was.
He filed complaints with the administrative court, where an interpreter was an interrupter.
The Taipei high administrative court finally ruled Scott was guilty as charged. The deportation was ordered, plus a proviso that he should never come back to Taiwan again.
That is not an isolated case, according to a well-known attorney who helped write up a report on the quality of judicial trials involving aliens.
Quoting the 2001 report, the attorney says "few interpreters at all levels of law court know enough English or Japanese or even their own language (including such dialects as Hoklo and Hakka) to perform their functions."
Well, practically all court interpreters are interrupters.

Hook 'Em

Lifestyle Copyright Violation

Apparently they are making a movie about English teachers and other expats in Korea. From the plotline, it's obvious they stole the story of our lives and just changed countries from Taiwan to Korea. (Korea, how original!)

It will star Chris Klein who by the way gave an amazing interview in Elle magazine. Must read. Really. Okay, if you don't believe me, here is a sample.

CK: I don't need food to impress, man. It's a flash of a smile and a nice conversation. And at the end of the day, she's cooking the food.

Israel-Palestine

Has anyone else noticed a lack of bombings in Israel in the news lately? It used to be a weekly thing for a bus, cafe, or check-point to blow up.

I guess it's true what people say.

Fences make good neighbors.

Post-Election Analysis

The winning candidates showed their respect to the voters by firing up the sound trucks and drum teams to drive around town on Sunday and thank us for electing them.

Fireworks were set off as well, to inaugurate the new era of Clean Government and Rule of Law in Taichung. Let this be a warning to those who think they can ram blue trucks into the courthouse gates or fire bottle rockets into the canal by Riverside. Yes, Rye Guy and PFP supporters, we have it all on video.

Human Interest Angle: The wife informs me that a DPP candidate was so distraught by losing, he/she wanted to kill themself with a knife. "If I can't be a city councilor, life is not worth living!"

Hi Teacher John!This is Peter from Tourism III!My number is 69.I like your blog. I learn many things. I want to go to America and learn myself at UC San Diego!

Dear French Peter,

Thanks for the interest in our blog. I am happy that you are considering studying at UC San Diego. However, I would like you to make a fully informed decision. After all, San Diego is a long way from Canada Taichung. But, Pierre, should you decide upon UC San Diego there are many great things there to do. It is very close to an international border with Mexico, and as long as you're not Canadianer, you can cross freely. Their film school is renown for it's defiance of convention. Click here for a possible title and fluffer for your movie. In the meantime, study hard, shut up in class and watch out for winter. I hear it gets pretty darn cold in southern Canuckistan.


A new poll is up. After considering choices such as winless Japanese, women's and Pop Warner teams, I decided (after losing all input data) to let you do it. Just choose Other and enter a team in the comments box. I will amend the poll accordingly.

Election Liveblogging, Condensed Version

Sound trucks are fucking annoying. (Sorry Tourism 3B.)

Municipal elections are boring. They feature candidates with these kinds of slogans.

a. 'Yes, I Do.' (in English) Yep. That's the guy's slogan. "Shr de, wo yuan yi" his team thoughtfully translates for us through the marvel of modern technology that is called the small blue truck with massive loudspeakers mounted on every side.

b. 'Young, Fresh, Active' (in Chinese) Am I voting for a candidate or a tampon?

c. Jason Hu called up my house and told me that even though he'd been to 160 countries, Taiwan was most important to him...and this really inspired me to vote for him. After all, he must know that sounds trucks are not used in at least 150 out of those 160 and be willing to bring Taiwan up to an international level of sound pollution control. Rigggght?

But don't worry Taichungers, no matter who you vote for, they ALL offer great service to the people of Taichung...In fact, I am confident my suggestion to ban sound trucks is being implemented as we speak.

The only one candidate whose advertising proposed anything concrete was the DPP mayoral candidate whose campaign featured billboard ads stating a various goals, and the phrase, "It's what I have to do." Wow, sounds so substantial! What's he promising?

50,000 job opportunities. (Do the math...at NT$ 20,000 salary per month times 50,000 people, in city of one million people...NT$ 1,000 per person every month to pay for this.)

10,000 surveillance cameras. (Again, that's a lot of cash, and 10,000 is butt load of cameras.)

Bike paths. (Yep. Right. Sure. Let me know when you have solved the double parking problem and banned sound trucks.)

Finally, are any of the candidates aware that firecrackers and bottle rockets are ILLEGAL in the R.O.C.?

Dialed and Armed

I found the sweet spot on the chair, and then hit it really hard with the ugly stick.

Billy Joe Cuthbert

Just practicing screen captures. Does BJ remind you of anybody?

P.S. - Sent Frenchie some of BJ's basketball video tips.

Courtesy of Ken at Shallow Waters

I present to you Nihowdy in jive. You can translate to most any dialect, including redneck, just click on the dialecticize button.

Friday Personals Ad

I have to interrupt the usual Friday personal ad because we have something much better to show you:

My alma matter, U.C. San Diego, which used to be the serious university without a football team that was always mistaken for the notorious party school of C.S.U. San Diego, has lately become quite famous.

No, not because the world discovered that we have nobel scientists or are at the cutting edge of biotech research. We're famous because our student-run TV station broadcast amateur hardcore porn.

Oh, and for good measure, once the student council banned the show, the guys broadcast the porno flick again, except that time they photoshopped one of the student senators into the movie.

Since NiHowdy is now a family-oriented community web-site being used as a homework assignment by area teachers, it would be very wrong of me to link to the NTSFW site that shows the screenshots, etc.

If you are done now, you can see what other wonderous programming they came up with here.

Take that Chico State!

My discovery of videos on Ni Howdy coincided almost simultaneously with The Fifty Greatest Independent Films of All Time. Weird. Nice going JW.

On Nov. 11, Red A posted that the reading level of our blog was about a 4th grade level, according to the Gunning Fog Index. In acknowledgement of that fact, I posted what I though was an appropriate puzzle: a one-word crossword. To help our readers, I even posted down clues to ensure success. However, most I asked about it complained that it was only one word across, and, oh yeah, there's only five blanks but six letters. That's not a crossword, man.

Okay. Fair enough. But let's take a look at some of what our Taichung Crossword Kings had to say.

Honest(ly soused) Jim's answer. Click here to view video.

Mathematically-challenged Elizabeth's answer. Click here for her giggling.

Maybe PJ shoulda taken Jim's cue. Click here if you must.