Saturday, April 29, 2006

Ni Howdy Blogball Lineup

Welcome Captain Beer, whoever you are. Probably another of J-Hole's cronies no doubt.

This forces me to revise my lineup card indeed. CB, until we see a post from you, you're on the bench... so here we go...

Leading off and playing center, Bread. By virtue of his tremendous speed and easy manner, not to mention his lithe build and taut belly, this guy scores more than anyone I know. Most people say he's got the body of a young Spanish boy-god but personally I think Swedish. Slumping of late, we know he'll pull out of it soon. Maybe if we put a dish of paella at first and sassy senorita at second, we'll see some more production.

Batting second and playing second, Kevlar. I've never seen anyone take a nothing situation and turn it into post with such regularity. "Here's a machine. It's cool. It works like this." or "I was hungry, so I ate some food. It was good." This guy just makes contact and gets on base. Naturally chatty, he's an offensive wonder boy. Pics, vids, stories and even politics of late! Defensively, we put Kev at second mostly because he can't spell worth a shit.

Batting third and playing first base, the franchise, the man who started it all, #69, J-Hole. The man in the 3-hole has got to drive in runs and he does it with as much consistency as anyone on the blog with polls, recipes, updates, the straw that stirs the drink... Interestingly, he's the only team member signed to a long term contract.

Batting clean-up and doing the catching, master strategist Red A handles pitchers that throw both ways with ease. Pure verbal power allows Red to be a a top post producer. Being such a blogball star enables Red to grow his neck beard with abandon and have it double as a throat guard. The babes love it. No one swaggers like this guy. Just look at the personals every Friday.

Batting fifth and playing third base, he of the ongoing name debate, RyeGuy, or Rye, as he has chosen to call himself despite the loud protestations of certain teammates. The hot corner has escalated to the HOT SEAT of late. To quote team leader J-Hole, "...Ryan cannot name himself. I'm gonna kick his ass!" Despite posting video of bands that no one really cares about he's a perfect fit for a blog that now boasts more contributors than readers.

Batting sixth and playing left field, P.I.M.P. Pimp's stepped it up in recent weeks to move up in the order. A first round draft pick last fall, he started slowly due to constant drunkenness and an abusive manner recently illustrated in his wacky poker invitation. Telling one's teammates where to go and how to get there is not the most endearing way to win over a club house. However, the blogball knowledge is there and I'm sure we can expect great things from this kid in the future.

Batting seventh and roaming the shortstop position and beyond, D-Wayne. One of only two team members to play barefoot, D-Wayne was a nice pick-up for us last year due to his great speed and savvy defense. This guy's got great hands. He serves and places the beer on the bar for easy singles like nobody's business. FUBAR good!!! He keeps the team well watered and in touch with the BBall world with a big screen TV that he made himself. So far an offensive light weight, management is hoping he'll break out soon and show some that he's got some hair on his chest after all.

Batting eighth and playing right field, Frenchie. In a perfect example of you don't know what you got til he's gone, Frenchie didn't start posting until he moved away. A proud drunk, we like that he really gives it his all. He wants to win and his heart is as big as this god damn room. A great clubhouse guy, he keeps everybody loose or mildly annoyed. Management reckons the spring thaw should motivate our previously latest addition to step it up a bit.

Batting ninth and either DHing or doing the pitching,... I don't know yet.
What's the scouting report on Captain Beer? J-Hole?
My original thought was to kindly ask Tall Karl to pitch for us until we found a regular. I would like him to wear his knee-high combat boots and cammo pants, leather trenchcoat and beret in order to better intimidate opposing batters. I can just imagine this lanky ambidexterous son of a commie whipping that ball through the blogosphere. DHing for our fireballer, would be Big Ell, if we could get him. He's a hot commodity, I know, but maybe if Red A wined and dined him we could get him on board. If we got him to DH, then of course he would hit higher in the order than ninth.

Suggestions on rounding out the roster welcome. Happy Saturday everybody!!!!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Such a post. So long and many the big word. Too bad no one likes Rye enough to read it.

Bread said...

i like you ryan, in fact, maybe i will post more just out of inspiration, though i seem to remember a certain message in the comments a while back written in code!

Rye said...

at the time a coded message seemed to be the best way to get my point across. no hard feelings i hope.

we miss your zany way! post soon!

i won't write any more bad pinyin i promise.

Anonymous said...

JJees, Its great to have such a gay site that no lady will join it! kisses, Earl,Manitoba