Ask a Meat Man

Dear M-Man,

Lately I have seen and read of many accounts of meatless vegans preaching heresies attacking the Great Smoky ( Hallowed by Thy Game ) Hale and his disciple, the right Colonel Harlan Sanders ( Assorted Pieces Be Upon Him).

They attack and profane the House of Sanders. They attack our way of life. They would have us replace our nurturing of living, breathing animals for slaughter with mere plants! As devout, practicing carnivores, my friends and I have no recourse but to declare Yee-Hawd! upon them. We will begin by burning down all fields that produce curly parsley. Then, we will display our righteousness in a bisecting of Woody Harrelson with the beak of a KFC chicken (original recipe). We ask that you lend your voice to ours in demanding that the USDA declare all fields not dedicated to sustaining tasty animals culinarily insensitive, and burned. Especially lima bean fields because...well, they just suck. Will you assist us in this cause?

Sincerely,
Irate Baster
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Dear Baster,

I find little in your sentiments that I can agree with - though that Woody Harrelson thing sounds pretty interesting. No one has ever been brought to Meatism by the cleaver, knife or fork. Have you truly read the Words given us by Smoky? Or has some fringe Aluminum-Foiler skewed your thinking? You should know that anything burnt is the sign of the inexpert grillsman (However, I will grant sufferance on the lima bean thing). Be certain, there shall be no smoke other than that of a thin, bluish wisp escaping toward the heavens. Therefore, for your penance, I have decided that you shall attend to a brisket 8-10 hours until rendered barbecued while assuming Position 5 of Smoky's 5 Basic Barbecue Positions.

Yours truly,

An M-Man

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Newley Purnell is in Bangkok covering what there is to be covered of the coup. He also gets a mention over at Instapundit.