BWBA /BWSA

Problem: High school graduates' and theater majors' incessant bitching and moaning about the world (read: the US) and the importance of listening to them.

Solution: Big Wresting Brothers / Sisters of America. Under this program, selected celebrities would be paired with peer guide wrestlers for a period of 3-4 months, or until their death, whichever comes first. Celebrities would be given demonstrations of separating entertainment from reality, learn the names of the other 48 states and master taking a punch. Celebrities would be paired with wrestlers who could attend to, and remedy any of the celebrities' particular cognitive defects.

Suggested Pairings: Michael Moore and Dusty Rhodes

Dusty: Ahh, Mr. Moore. A gen-u-ine puh-leasure to make your acquaintance, sir.

Moore: Likewise. So, I hear you and I have something in common. We are both salt-of-the- earth people who care about the common man.

Dusty: Ah, Brother Moore. Ahm soo glad to hear you sayin dat. I AM the American Dream.

A humble son of a plumber, Ah came out o poverty to entertain millions and I just thank

Gawd, people like yourself believe in the American Dream, Ah...

Moore: American Dream! American Dream! What are you talking about you right wing stooge? I...

Dusty: Funkylikeamonkey. Funkylikeamonkey. FUNKYLIKEAMONKEY!

Moore: What are you.....? Oh, my.... SPLATTTT!

Dusty: I see you met the Bionic Elbow. Thank ya very much, suh.

Tim Robbins and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

Robbins: Rock, good to meet you my Afro-Samoan oppressed brother of color.

Johnson: Uh, yeah. Call me Dwayne. Rock is my stage name, you know?

Robbins: Stage name? Hardly. You.Are.The.Rock. The People's Rock. You came up through a corrupt system that tried to stifle your advancement and...

Johnson: Excuse me, but I got a scholarship to the U of Miami in football and got my B.S. in criminology. How about yourself?

Robbins: Uh, I proudly graduated from UCLA.

Johnson: Hey, that's great. What did you study?

Robbins: Theatre.

Johnson: I'm sorry. What did you say?

Robbins: THEATRE! Okay?

Johnson: Did you pronounce that with a -re? You did, didn't you?

Robbins: Umm.... Hey! What about the gay marriage thing? You're political right? Because my partner and I have been actively working to get everyone to support the right of gay marriage.

Johnson: Your partner? I didn't know you were gay.

Robbins: I'M NOT, YOU...you misunderstood me. I meant my spiritual guide, soul-mate, life-affirming partner through life.

Johnson: Oh, your wife!

Robbins: NO! She is not my wife! She's my spiritual guide, soul....what I just said, that!

Johnson: Oh, I see. You're shacking up with her.

Robbins: Yeah.

Johnson: So why do you want me to support an issue that you don't deem valuable enough to be part of your own life?

Robbins: It's not about me or my partner. It's about the others that are being denied the same privileges and rights that your and your wife enjoy.

Johnson: But you don't really support it or else you would get married. At least for your childrens' sake. Are you sure you're not gay? Thinking about?

Robbins: You obviously did not acquire the proper critical thinking skills at...

Johnson: Shhhhh! Hear that? Incoming!

Robbins: Ohmygod! Is it Cheney's Black Hordes! KERSPLATT!!!

Johnson: Nope. That was the People's Elbow, punk. Maybe Anderson Cooper could explain it to me.