BREAKING NEWS! BREAKING NEWS!

METROSEXUAL IS NOW "OUT" AND MACHOSEXUAL IS "IN."

This links up with New Yorkers thinking 70's porn and mustaches are now cool.

Now, all we need is Howard Dean to confirm that he thinks Machosexuals should be allowed to get married so Bread and J-Hole can have one of their patented arguments where they shout over beers despite the fact that they actually agree with each other.

Then Bread yells "Because they are faggots" at the top his lungs thereby confirming that gentle, nurturing folk from Montana are really quite frightening after a few vodka crans.

Okay, enough reminiscing (sp?) let's distill the article to find out what we need to do to be Machosexual. I will use a bullet point list because that seems sort of macho.

• be competent, be traditional
• be in touch with your feminine side but don't wear it on your sleeve
• work in a coal mine and rush into burning buildings
• kill spiders and drive a hybrid car
• wear a suit and tie for the office

Frequently Asked Questions:

• I assume that as a machosexual I can no longer drink wine coolers, wine spritzers, or any alco-pops. Does that also include the new Taiwan gold medal beer designed to be sweeter for sissies?
• I'm not sure a suit and tie are really appropriate for rushing into a burning coal mine. Could I wear a colorful pair of overalls instead?
• If I can't wear my feminine side on my sleeve, where should it be placed? Could I store it in my 'taint' area as that place doesn't get too much play as it stands?
• I get the deal about driving over spiders in my hybrid monster truck, but in my family, traditionally the males are lazy sloths. How do I reconcile that with being competent? Or is that referring to the bare minimum "legally competent?"
  

And what about this part?

It's about competence, care and being there to value and care for family and children."

The new macho yet sensitive role models are actors such as Brad Pitt, Russell Crowe, Hugh Jackman and Heath Ledger, Perrine said.

It's seems very confusing to consider Russell Crowe a role model for "being there to value and care for family and children." Unless that's code for visiting German strip clubs.

By the way, my nanny has gone back to Vietnam, so now I am never going to get out of the house. Yeah, not much of a change, except before I could imagine it being possible. Now it's only theoretical if say the USA gets into the World Cup Finals.