Howl at the moon, shoot out the lights - Taipei, Friday night.

After seeing what transpired last Friday the 26th in Taipei, I'm sure that shootin' and howlin' would be one of the more restrained responses for anyone at all who gives a damn. It's a tale of two events that highlights the superficiality of Taiwan's political society and the futility of hope for change by those tired of the status quo.

The first was a Friday morning conference hosted by the Taiwan Foundation for Democracy titled "Towards a Global Forum on New Democracies." Those attending included five former heads of state.

The event will feature retired heads of state from around the world, who will share their experiences and lessons on democratization and discuss ways to work together to promote democracy - TFD

It seems that right now in the Taiwan political arena, if you haven't been accused of some sort of corruption, you ain't trying. Figures from both main political camps have investigations looming over them. Pettiness and hypocrisy abound on both sides, though the majority party, the KMT, are the old pros at it. Lose an election? Storm your party's headquarters. Lose another election? Attack government buildings, like... umm, let's say a library! Smash the glass in front of the police? No problem. The KMT mayor of that city (Taichung) will put his arm around your shoulder, lead you off the field of battle and call for a right-hander. Play ball! So, when President Chen is discussing difficulties encountered by new democracies during the day ( something that a casual surf around the channels at lunchtime resulted in the briefest of mentions only), most people are gearing up for the next event - a wedding!

Not just any wedding. This was a was at least a JFK Jr. and Carolyn on the marriage scale. 侯蘊華's (bride) and 蔡君飛 's (groom) wedding banquet was broadcast live on at least four TV stations. Why? Who are these people? Well, they both have famous daddies. The bride's father is 侯孝賢 (Hou2 Xiao4 Xian2) a famous, international movie director ( 悲情城市 - City of Sadness) and the groom's papa 蔡冠倫 ( Tsai4 Guan4 Lun2) is an international crime lord ( 4 Seas Triad -murder, prostitution, extortion, blah, blah, blah). I wasn't very interested so I asked my wife what all the hullabaloo was about. Well, the godfather was there and he "looks nice." One interviewee said that they would rather talk to him than a politician or celebrity (okay, I'll concede that one) because he was more straightforward ( down 2-0). But still, straightforward? I will be taking $10,000 a month for protection. I will be killing you on, oh,,, say the 5th. I will need your daughter to carry this cell phone and be ready at all times.

Still, I was not into it. Until. I saw a balding pate I recognized. Yep. That was 王金平 ( Wang2 Jin1 Ping2) trying to play Chang to the godfather's Eng. Happy, smiling, (copping a feel?) he was on stage congratulating him on the wedding and another day of life. Oh, Wang Jin Ping? He is the president of the Legislative Yuan. The same guy who calls for operations (掃黑) against the 4 Seas Guys. The same guy whose website features his wholesomeness with sub-par South Park animation and text by the China Post. Tear up and smile sweetly while you view Time of Peacefulness, New Good Man and Growth: Master of Both the Pen and Sword - The Kidult. Other major gangsters were there ( in Chinese), including the boss of the United Bamboo Triad mingling with Wang on TV. No wonder the cops feel it's a good day when they can give me a ticket for turning right on a red. They cannot or will not do much more.

On one side of town the President of the country is saying "Going back down the old road is not the answer." On the other, the president of the Legislative Yuan is doing just that and pretending he's not.

A Poem by my Spam Filter

Holiday union, so cadenza so casual, To volatile no substantive

have a selectmen, on to Colossus!

Test the sweets of the life yourself!

But one, preach the grievousness of the host and turned white and

Then the their evil tidings, lift up the singers people, saw that

her minoan, was to married, is scar a rodent?

Prophesy not. That every one measure Your Image

BE BLOWN UP WITH VIRGINS




I believe this poem is about Kevlar's South American sex holiday fantasy.

BONUS POST:

Remember how a certain NiHowdy blogger managed to veto his real nickname of "Stoney" and then give himself a watered down, Coors Light nickname, like Wheat or Barley or Rye or something?

Well, now he's handing out new and improved nicknames to people like some corrupt medieval bishop selling indulgences...He's actually trying to change Ponce's nickname to Karlemagne!!!!!

Now, Karlmagne is a fine nickname...but it does not replace Ponce. Let's be clear on the usage of the Ponce nickname vs. Karlemagne:

Around females, new people, or when he does something dumb: PONCE

When he buys you a drink or deserves some minor accolade: KARLEMAGNE

So, as you can see, the ratio is roughly 100:1 in favor of the PONCE nickname staying.

p.s. Stoney, if you want to think up new and flattering nicknames, work up on for your brother first. He needs it way more than Ponce.

UPDATE: FIXED SPELLING ERRORS USING HOT PINK COLORED FONT.

Fun in D.C.

Whadda we want?

Hula Hoops!

When do we want 'em?

Now!




One, two three, four!

Drum circles will stop the war!

Hey, Hey, Ho Ho,

Slogans like this really blow...uhh suck!

Is Irving Stadium in the LISD?

I must have missed this in the AJ the other day. Gary Gaines, the former football coach of Odessa Permian, has been hired by the Lubbock Independent School District to be their new Executive Director of Athletics. Gaines won two state championships at Odessa in 1980 and '89. His 1988 season was captured in the book (and later the movie), Friday Night Lights. Don't really know what the E.D.of A. does or what sort of influence he has, but maybe no more athletes will have to feed the eagle.

And don't forget Sin-a-max!

REPORTER, n.
A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words. Ambrose Bierce

Having been born and reared in the Bible Belt, I can honestly say I've never heard of HBO being called "Hell's Box Office." But after looking at the schedule for Jan. 25th ( Big Momma's House II, Miss Congeniality II, City Slickers II, Trilogy of Terror II ), I might just start doing that. But, again, I've never heard any friend, stranger or member of the Baptist church that I grew up in say that. Have you?

Alexandra Pelosi's HBO documentary, Friends of God, is a look at the wacky evangelicals and their wacky hijinks in America. As it is just premiering, I have not seen it, but I did see her interview on Hannity & Colmes. Note how she, a documentary filmmaker, and Alan Colmes, a journalist, both are just flabbergasted that self-professed Christians tend to reject things they see as un-Christian and/or immoral. Christians playing miniature golf, racing, wrestling and singing hip-hop in a Christian format strike Colmes with the same amount of incredulity as finding out that Lubbockites didn't torch theaters that showed Brokeback Mountain. Is it indicative of today's journalism that a woman from New York is so ignorant of the basic habits and beliefs of 25-45 percent of the population (evangelicals), which are themselves a subset of about 75% of the population (Christianity)? She says that they don't like her because she's from New York and study her...she's a "creature." How much study did she put in? There is a chasm of understanding that cannot be bridged by a one-hour documentary or one trip to church on Sunday, and an unwillingness by either side to spend the time necessary to understand the other just indicates an unwillingness to solve the problem.

Colmes asks where the liberal, Democrat evangelicals are. Pelosi posits that she doesn't know and suggests that maybe it is because Hannity doesn't give them any air time. Well, why doesn't she? How hard did she look? Not in the news. Not here. And not at my church in Lubbock. Hell, nobody would know she was a damn yankee. My church doesn't want to inconvenience anyone. You won't be asked to identify yourself, speak or be tagged a visitor. You'll never stand up alone. All standing and sitting is clearly led by professionals who have yet to out even one pagan. Want a liberal dose of biblical reality? Stroll around in the children's wing, which is "decorated like a Palestinian Village." As always, all errors and omissions are the sole responsiblity of the China Post.

Linea-rage

Since when did Kevin Dillon become an orc in Lineage?

TV Online

I meant to link this site a coupla weeks ago but didn't get to it. D-Wayne says he's known about it for months but never told anyone 'cause he figured we're all losers who don't like to watch good tv...

Anyway, the site is called TV LINKS and if you're like me, living in Taiwan with just basic cable, or worse, no cable, then check it out 'cause they've got hundreds of shows available for your streaming pleasure including The Simpsons, South Park, Family Guy, Seinfeld, Larry David's Curb Your Enthusiasm, Battlestar Galactica (J-Hole), Lost (Kevlar), Celebrity Deathmatch (Red A), 24, Trailer Park Boys, Beavis and Butthead and The Office, both the UK and US versions. The US version stars Steve Carrell in the Ricky Gervais asshole boss role... anyhoo scan the lists to see what's there.

Lots of the shows link to either Youtube, which has been really painfully slow and unfulfilling lately, GUBA or Daily Motion...

Sorry J-Hole, no Ally McBeal that I could see.

I once thought Kevlar made strange videos

Whether riding his bike or just fartin' around, this guy has way too much free time. The social commentary is truly mesmerizing.

I Swear to God Officer, They told me they were 18!

Chile is a difficult place for a man like me. I didn't mean to meet these three young ladies on the beach, it just kind of happened. I was sitting there peacefully, minding my own business, when they sat down next to me. Thirty minutes later, we were discussing Gringohood and planning an evening of debauchery in Vina Del Mar. They were Argentinian university students (studying philosophy no less) on summer break, I was sad to go home. Now I'm stuck here in Montana, watching it snow, and kicking myself that I ever left South America. When I finish this law school bit, I'm going back to South America and not coming back. You are all welcome to visit.
The picture doesn't do the one in the middle justice by the way, she was a knockout. In real life she looked much older than twelve, I swear. I remember when I moved to Taiwan I had to institute the Taiwan Five policy (adding five years to whatever age I thought a girl looked like). Maybe in South America that will have to be increased to ten.

I would like it back

I lent out a book a long time back and would like to get it back. It's titled something like Island Frontier or possibly China's Island Frontier, edited by Ronald Knapp. It's a hardback and contains a series of essays on the geographical-historical development of Taiwan.

The Taichung government is providing a Chinese language learning booklet called, Taichung, My New Home to people in the foreign spouse language class, whatever that is. It includes a CD that has pictures - whoopee! and sound bites - hot damn! Since the site offers no information about these classes would somebody get off their ass and inquire for me?

Want to look at the traffic in Taichung? Probably not. But if you do, go here and you can watch real time video from traffic cameras around the city. Don't forget to click on the orange camera icon. See if you can tell what "Motion Detected" means when it pops up occasionally.

*Link fixed (sorta) - Go here and click on the URL to the left of the map.

Predictions

Now, im asking the question that most around the world are, now that the Eagles and Garcia(Rudyesk) are out, does it really matter about Miami??? Apparently it does, and there are some excellent plots to this weekends matchups.. Ahhh, the Bears and the Saints.. The Saints, Americas team , only for the fact that Louisiana was struck with devastation.. Oh and have you heard?? Lindsay Lohen is in rehab!!!!!! Exactly who cares!!!!! Bears by 13 !!! Now onto the superbowl, Little Boy Blue Manning , and the Golden Boy , Dater of all that is HOT, TOM BRADY!!!!!!!!!!! 4 in 6 , not even the Golden Boy can pull it off, Colts 41 pats 21 !!!!!! In an obvious mismatch in Miami Little boy Blue finally wins his Superbowl and can rest easy as he solidifies his mark as one of the greatest ever.... And truly , does Brady even give a shit ?? I think not , im sure Giselle will ease his sorrow after the game! Cheers all !!

Guess which one is the North Korean?

Only a N-- Can Use the N-word

I've seen this car from Suzuki roaming around town several times. Not my pic, but just like the ones I've seen.

A Taiwan Reminder

I'm sure that over the last couple of years more and more people living outside of Asia have come to recognize that Taiwan is a country distinct from China, regardless of how Reuters and the AP preface any article concerning the two ( Taiwan, which China views as a renegade province...Taiwan, which China views as part of China...Taiwan, which China thinks should just shut-up and roll over...). I won't go into details here. Go to Michael Turton's blog for anything you would like to know about Taiwan and the world. Here are some short, easy-to-remember bullet points from John Tkacik in today's Taipei Times.

• Its population is bigger than Australia's.
• Its GDP is larger than Indonesia's.
• Its technology base is second only to Japan's (in Asia).
• Taiwan is the US' eighth-largest trading partner -- with two-way trade at US$60 billion last year.
• It is the US' sixth-largest agricultural customer.
• For more than half a century, the nation has been one of the US' important defense and intelligence partners.

In a recent interview with Reuters, Bao Tong (鮑彤), a top aide to former Communist Party chief Zhao Ziyang (趙紫陽) - the lone dissenter to vote against declaring martial law during the Tiananmen Square protest - accused the Party and Mao of betraying the founding principles of the Party. He goes on to state that "Taiwan is a very good teacher. It is good to have a choice." - Reuters English article - or " China should draw from Taiwan's process of democratization and not worry about the outcome of implementing reform." - My translation of the Chinese language Malaysian newspaper, Sin Chew Daily article).

The article was in both the China Post and the Taipei Times print version, but unavailable online from any of the three English language newspapers here. Furthermore, any mention of Bao's comments regarding Taiwan were absent anywhere other than the Sin Chew - great name, huh? Chinese language searches on Google, Yahoo Taiwan and Chinese language newspapers returned next to zilch, except plenty of articles about Reuters' great coup in interviewing Bao. So where is that article? A trip to Reuters' web site in English will let you search categories of news including politics. Change to the Chinese traditional character site and the news is broken down into only finance, technology, sports and entertainment. Neither carry their own story. Maybe I'm a little tired of reading Chinese and missed something but I prefer to believe in the high degree of suckitude that is Reuters.

07/07 London Bomb Attacks

In this article about the trial of some related bombers, the Telegraph reveals the formula, or should I say recipe for the backpack bombs:

The detonators went off but the hydrogen peroxide and chapatti flour mixture, surrounded by nuts and bolts to cause maximum damage and carnage, did not ignite, Mr Sweeney said.

CHAPATTI FLOUR MIXTURE AS A BOMB COMPONENT!

Actually, flour can explode when dispersed in air and then ignited - but still...pretty amazing.

How they made the bombs:

Between April 28 and July 5, the group bought 284 bottles of hydrogen peroxide costing £550 from shops in Finchley, Tottenham and Finsbury Park.
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They drew up a rota and allegedly used Omar's flat in Southgate as a bomb factory, trying to boil the liquid into a more concentrated form on an electric stove.

The concentrated liquid was mixed with chapati flour to form the main charge and transferred into 6.25-litre clear plastic tubs. The detonator consisted of Triacetone Triperoxide (TATP), made by mixing nail varnish remover with hydrogen peroxide, which was put into a paper tube with a small lightbulb attached. Around the outside of each tub were taped about 80 screws, tacks, washers and nuts.

Wires from the detonator ran through the bottom of the men's rucksacks, through a hole in their clothing and into their pockets, where a connector for a 9v battery would have triggered the device.

Sounds easy enough to make. Probably easier than meth.

Taiwanese Office Humor - Part 1

It's North Korean Video Time

King Jong Il's Bodyguards doing their morning calisthenics.

Always Working Together For The People or My Heart Swells with Larva People

A 7-part '80s North Korean propaganda film from Songun Blog. I've only seen part 1, but you coulda say that the hull wruurl will reknize the Great Leaders' Kim and Kim histric rerewing of idlogical foundations achieving in party work cause a-through to completion and deviloping ever-a-lasting juche party.

Jupiter the lion

A short, cute video of a lion showing its affection to the woman who rescued it.

Sandy's been having trouble getting into, that is accessing, her blogger account.

Due to the dearth of posting I thought maybe this blog was having the same problems.

I was wrong. I have posted 2 already today. They are awesome!

But we are still on old blogger. Hers is the new fangled beta blogger.

I suggested she ask Professor Michael Turton if he's heard anything about it. If anyone knows, he would. He blogs on it all, what volume!

Can we call him the blogfather? Taiwan Blogfather? I know there are those who have been blogging longer, but he seems to have his fingers in all the pies!

Anyway, anyone else have trouble with the beta blogger?

I know everyone took the week off from blogging but geeeeeez fellers, how did we miss this one?

Rhino Vagina Cams courtesy the BBC...

it's fun just to say 'rhino vagina'. let's all say it together now, rhino vagina rhino vagina rhino vagina rhino... it's got the makings of a chant or better, a tongue twister!

"...it certainly hasn't listened to this Congress."

Now we know why. Science Officer David Wu, of Oregon's 1st Congressional district, pleads to Congress to stop the infiltration of aliens (the outer space kind) into the Bush administration. I've also heard it rumored that he has proof that the Cylons are responsible for the Eagles' playoff berth.

The so-called congressman speaking from the holodeck.

Captain Beer, is this your congressman?

food for drunks, and others

15 major league health foods. get these into you and blog longer...

apples, '...an apple a day...', antioxidants galore, vitamin C
flaxseed, good for your bones, breasts
carrots, beta carotene, eat raw, vitamin A
tomatoes, lutein, lycopene, good for stomach, bladder and colon
onions, lowers blood pressure, flavonoids fight cancer
garlic, super food, fights cancer, smells awesome
cauliflower, helps prevent cancer and a healthy liver, green cousin broccoli good too
plums, iron, vitamin C, dried ones are prunes and they keep you regular
green tea, high in antioxidants, can use on wounds, helps with your chinese
cranberries, good for urinary tract, has vitamins and antioxidants, good for your nads, bread drinks them
yams, vitamin B6 good for heart, potassium
celery, vitamin C, pthalides good for blood vessel health
olives, vitamin E, anti-inflammatory, iron and fiber
strawberries, high in phenols, good for heart
honey, anti-bacterial, anti-fungal, anti-viral, tastes sweet!

wash it all down with your favorite libation, cause that's good for you too!

Wikipedia for Drunk People

Let's say you just watched the Eagles beat the Giants and had too much too drink, but you have a book report on the country of Sealand due the next day.

WAHT TO DO? SOLUTION:

Wikipedia now has entries written in Simple English.

Sealand, in regular wikipedia.

Sealand, in simple English.

Now, anyone care to define Taichung using simple English?

Translation please.

Taken above the urinal at a high school. I only substitued at the school.

Karl's Doppleganger

Family Jewels

Karl, here is a working link to a comment I had in the previous post. It's for AC/DC's DVD, Family Jewels. It's 2 disks full of video and music. One reviewer complained that the audio from the live videos had the studio tracks dubbed on top of them. After spending about 3 hours watching their videos online, I've seen lots from Family Jewels and it doesn't bother me in the least. If anyone has seen it, give me a review.

During that time I also discovered that current frontman, Brian Johnson, has been working on a musical, Helen of Troy, for several years. Malcolm Macdowell is lending his voice to the project, which will also include a ballet version. Johnson reportedly got his inspiration while watching Cats and remarking, "fucking shite, wrist-cuttingly bad. I can do better than this." If I ever choose to see a musical other than Paint Your Wagon, it will probably be this one.

你 的 師 父 是 誰 ?
This is for SMRT Angie. Sorry about the quality, but you should know better than to doubt me.

Whole Lotta OGC

Nice, Karl, but the Red Army Choir should stop wasting its time backing up some Finnish cover band and throw in with some real rockers like these guys. The stentorian blasting of "SIN CITY" or "LET THERE BE ROCK" by a 100-plus Singing Ivans backed by electric guitar would be enough to cure even a Billy Bragg fan of their whining, droning, narcoleptic music tastes. (How long will it take Karl to respond defending Billy? I give him about 5 minutes after seeing this).

下 一 項

The semester is almost over and my school enters into a two week winter school of some sorts. No grades are given and we just sorta do what we like for that time. My supervisor has been urging us to teach them some songs because they just love to sing. I, personally, have never noticed they love to do anything in English class other than practice their cussing and think of new terms for masturbating. No? Yes. For example , "Teacher, do you OGC?" Are you stumped like I was? Then, take a pencil and write a capital O. Below it, write a capital G with the open space facing down. Finally, write a capital C with its open space also facing down, under the G. What do you have? About 95% of my students' efforts directed towards English, that's what.

Anyhoo, regarding songs. We have yearly singing contests with each class picking one song of their own and singing another mandatory one. Like the "Do, Re, Me" song or "Que Sera." After 20 or so renditions everyone is ill. So, I have decided to inject a little life into the music. Enter rock and roll. I need songs that have lyrics that don't need acid to be understood, no f-bombs and hopefully have some practical phrases. The songs also need to have a video that can be found and shown online - you know, for motivation. So far I have come up with No One Like You and Hot For Teacher. Other suggestions more than welcome.

Menage a Trois

This just in: You can now have THREE parents in Canada.

Some ramifications:

1. Lots of forms will have to be amended to include space for the second mommy or daddy. If Chaon were in charge, this would be accomplished by having all of the mommies subdivided into two basic groupings: Ninja Lesbians and Princess Lesbians.

2. Children will have a lot more work to trick their parents into getting permission.

Kid: Dad said it was okay to sleep over at Kenny's, so can I Mom?
Mom: Go ask your Other Mother.

3. After the secondary divorces, the kid will be shuffled around town to 3 different homes or more depending on if Dad went gay, too.

4. Jerry Springer has a great idea for a new show: "I slept with my lesbian mother."

5. Hillary can finally publish her sequel: "It takes two lesbians and a village to raise a child"

Actually, if you read the article it doesn't sound very unusual or shocking - except the lesbian angle makes it more titillating

Playoff Predictions

Here are my fearless predictions for the NFL playoffs.
First up, AFC. Wildcard game Saturday has KC Chiefs (9-7) at Indy (12-4) . KC has Larry Johnson and Indy's run defense is terrible, but Indy has too much firepower to be stopped by KC. Final score Indy 34, KC 27.
The other AFC wildcard game is NY Jets (10-4) at New England (12-4). New England just too good and too experienced to lose this one.
New England 31, Jets 21

NFC wildcard game #1 Dallas (9-7) at Seattle (9-7). 2 teams that have been inconsistent all season. Teams have figured out Romo and he isn't quite so golden. See if T. O. can close his mouth long enough to hang on to the ball. Seattle struggled to the playoffs and need big games from Alexander and Hasselback. Give the edge to the Seahawks at home.
Seattle 31 Dallas 28

And the big game of wild card weekend. NY football GIANTS (8-8) at Philly (10-6). Philly is hot, having won 5 in a row, and the Giants stumbled along the second half of the season, after a 6-2 start. Hard to count out a team with Tiki Barber playing so well. This is where we see what kind of quarterback Eli Manning is. New York will have to have the game of the season to upset the Eagles. Philly will try to stuff the running game, so everything is squarely on Eli's shoulders. Smart money is on the Eagles, but if there is one thing I have never been accused of, it's being smart. I think the Giants have nothing to lose and will play like it.
Giants 28 Eagles 24

Rest of the playoffs look like this
AFC
San Diego over New England, Baltimore over Indy, with San Diego winning AFC Championship
NFC
Chicago over Giants, New Orleans over Seattle. New Orleans is NFC winner.

Super Bowl - San Diego 38 New Orleans 21

*I don't stand by any of the preceding comments. Predictions subject to change, according to my mood and mental state.

I love the match-ups for wild card games. Makes it fun for the football fans at FuBar. Should be lots of jibes, comments and left jabs.
Will show Dallas/Seattle game Sunday at 3pm, followed by KC/Indy and Monday will have Giants/Philly at 6 with Jets/Pats after.