If I were a complete asshole...

Dear Mandy,

Hey, what's up? I was browsing through the Yahoo! Personal ads and found your ad.

You seem like a pretty cool and laid back chick. I like that you're open-minded and adventurous. So, I was thinking, you call up your hot friend in the photo and we get together for a little threesome. You know, a little 3-P?

Oh, yeah, and I guess your fat friend could watch.