Friday, October 31, 2008

College Game Day: Lubbock

That's right. No. 1 Texas, versus No. 7 Texas Tech, Saturday at 7:00 in Lubbock. Two Top Ten unbeaten Texas teams face off and everyone is asking the same question: What is the status of the Longhorn Marijuana Zeppelin Squad and how will Tech counter it?

As far back as February this year, UT established the Zeppelin Squad in response to spikes in fuel costs and their ongoing desire to show the rest of the state they will always have more money than any other school and can do whatever their heart pleases.

For example, they also considered a huge, gold-plated, pot filled longhorn pushed by slave labor from the University of Houston. Rejected because they did not want to invite comparisons to anything "Trojan."

Almost adopted but ultimately ix-nayed was a ruse involving the UT male-leaders. They would parade by law enforcement officials wearing giant diamond encrusted, cannabis-crammed, foam letters T, H, E, U, o, T. Rejected because officials worried that bystanders would interpret oTHUE as some sort of statement by the Irish lispers association.

Current forecasts hold that shipments from Tennessee and Kentucky will have perfect flying conditions. The primo crop from California faces potential heavy winds and rain. If the west coast wacky weed is unavailable for game time, look for the Longhorn's offense to suffer as their high wears off quicker and the pain sets in. Advantage Tech.

This brings us to the Tech game plan. They will plan assuming that the top crop will get through and present Coach Leach with his biggest decision: Cold turkey or Wild Turkey? Going cold turkey will allow the defense to go the entire game. However, Tech's biggest weakness (outside of kicking) has been giving up of lots of points. Going against UT's high, high-octane offense, this is a strong probability. Advantage UT.

The Wild Turkey option brings the benefit of that crazed alcohol-fueled rampage that could shut down the UT offense - and maybe land some defenders in jail - but at the cost of having to suffer the hangover lethargy of the shorter lived energy burst. I suspect Coach Leach will combing the two strategies, starting with cold turkey and saving the Wild Turkey option for as late in the game as possible. If Tech is able to hang around until the middle of the third quarter, look for a Tech timeout and the flasks of "Gatorade" being unscrewed. Advantage Tech.

D-Wayne and I will be calling the game live from the Internet cafe next to Holiday KTV on Mei Tsun road. Kickoff is 8:00pm eastern, which is 8:00am Sunday morning I think. Come and join us.

1 comment:

Hannibal said...

The Phillies win the World Series & TT upsets UT...something is definitely wrong in the sports universe. Perhaps a Canuckistan team will win the Stanley Cup.