Warning! We are all under siege!

As of October,10, 2006, the entire universe has come under siege. On Tuesday,Taiwanese politician Shih Ming-Teh and his band of 120,000 Redshirts chose Taipei to launch his universal campaign against rule of law and upright-pointing thumbs.

Wielding cries of "Universal siege", "Go, Go, Go" and threats of immolation by water, the Redshirts effectively exhausted the resources of local food and beverage vendors, forcing them to close their facilities and be content with the short day's windfall.

They are aided in this galactic march by their fourth-estate agent provocateur, Literacy's nemesis, The China Post. Usually insidiously crafty in deploying their almost-Dick-and-Jane level of "English," they did let slip one comment that could help in identifying these terrifying(ly loud) Shih-ites: "(The Redshirts) wore their red shirts the way Benito Mussolini's Blackshirts wore their black shirts." Keep this in mind and go ask your Italian uncle what the hell that actually means.

If approached by one or more of these Redshirts, we recommend one of two responses.

• Smile, take out your Pet Rock and introduce it to them. Chances are 70% that they will ignore you and conscript the rock.
• Hold a roll of Mentos ( 3/4 full at least) next to your head, smile broadly while repeatedly saying " Yummy in my tummy. Yummy in my tummy. The FRESSHH-MAKER!" The ensuing bloodletting over the Mentos will leave you sufficiently "red" to blend in temporarily and find a save haven.
  

Despite having yet taken his daily $100NT money bath, Central Scrutinizer Shih bravely attacks passers-by with his confounded Brain-Stemming apparatus.