Friday, June 03, 2005

Why J-Hole should move to Gitmo

First, this post is about the American "gulag" at Guantanamo Bay, so I need to make a little statement about not condoning torture, Koran flushing, lap dances, or brutal beatings.

Secondly, I'm going to set off Karl's woo-dar by linking to an N.R.O. article, so please all inclined, start the salinization process...can you taste the two pounds of rock salt yet? OKAY.

“Americans are very kind people,” one English-challenged detainee said in the March 4 paper. “If people say there is mistreatment in Cuba with the detainees, those type speaking are wrong, they treat us like a Muslim not a detainee.”
“I’m in good health and have good facilities of eating, drinking, living, and playing,” remarked another. “The food is good, the bedrooms are clean and the health care is very good.”

In a February 16 Gitmo dispatch, an American Forces Press Service report described the treatment of Camp Delta’s roughly 520 detainees from about 40 nations. Troublemakers wear prison-style orange jumpsuits and mainly are confined to rudimentary accommodations. But those who follow camp rules wear white outfits and exercise seven to nine hours daily, often playing soccer and volleyball. In quieter moments, “chess, checkers and playing cards are the most requested items,” Rhem wrote. As for reading, “A security official explained Agatha Christie books in Arabic are very popular and that camp officials are working to get copies of Harry Potter books in Arabic.”
Doesn't this seem a whole lot like a typical J-Hole vacation of Beach, Books, and Beer? Minus the beer of course. I'm not sure I wouldn't take this offer even if I was a hardened jihadi - figure that you are already in an American prison surrounded by Godless communist Cuban forces, I might just say it's God's will that I read Harry Potter in Arabic.

WAIT! I think that's proof of torture in itself.

and now I humbly submit to the many people who will explain to me how this is totally incorrect, that our forces by nature must flush Korans 24/7 and torture those poor, poor Saudi innocents who went to Afghanistan in October 2001 only to work for Islamic charity.

and I promise not to talk about the Afghan kid who after being in Gitmo said he wanted to grow up to be a US Marine. That HAS to be the Stockholm syndrome for sure.

3 comments:

J-hole said...

Would they give me my choice of meals? Like steaks and Mexican only?

Chaon said...

The National Review Online does not set off my Woo-dar. It sets off my Nutjobometer. You should have started your copy & paste with the preceding sentence from the link:
"Journalists and Bushophobes should stop crying for these Islamo-fascists long enough to read a largely overlooked Pentagon document on Guantanamo detainees....".

That 'Pentagon document' is not 'largely overlooked'. It is widely ignored, because it is embarrassingly simplistic CYA propaganda.

Red A said...

Swanson's Halal Select only.

Karl, thanks for the correct mental fucntion.

Of course we also have two individuals interviewed by The Guardian who 'praised' Gitmo.

But you are right in that it's hard to separate CYA chaff from reality wheat.