Excerpts from my school's 57th anniversary party Saturday:

Script: Vocational School (graduating students)! Your the smartest!
Actual words: Vocational School! See you next year!

Script: Co-host - John, can you guess how many students have graduated from I-Ning in these
57 years?
Me - 30,000?
Actual words: Me - Uh, two?

Script: (Presenting a bouquet of flowers to the chairman's mother) The first leaf represents
nurturing. The second represents love. And the third represents selflessness.
Actual words: The first leaf represents honesty. The second represents chastity. And the third
represents vigilance against the Turks.

Script: Everybody get HIGH!
Actual words: Everybody get HIGH!