Fashion Hex Relief

Good idea, wrong focus. Sadly enough, Korea's fashion police will soon be disbanded. What will become of these selfless but misguided and soon-to-be-unemployed civic heroes? Without a cogent plan for their dispersal, rogue countries and organizations will simply buy their talent and hold nations hostage with threats of mandatory corduroy and polyester leisure suits for all and a Casual Pink Jumpsuit Friday. Under the correct guidance, these men and women can stop forever the retina-damaging excesses of Rip Taylor, Boy George and Bread. I support Vermont's newly elected socialist senator, Bernie Sanders, call for the formation of the Hugh Beaumont Rapid Deployment Brigade. Armed with Flowbees and neckties they will be on 24 hour standby and can reach any point in the continental US as fast as their Greyhound Discovery Pass will allow. Do you really want this to be out on your street?

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Time for a ing

Really. Why buy any other paper? Exact wording and punctuation courtesy of Taiwan's Leading English-Language Newspaper since 1952

Don't relieve one's nature in the sea

Don't relieve your nature in the sea. Tsai Wen-hsing was arrested for defecating into the sea from aboard the Chuanlienhsing off the Pescadores. Article 18 of the Maritime Pollution Act stipulates anybody found to have " released waste into the sea" may be fined between NT$200,000 and NT$1million." Of course, the stool is waste.

But it doesn't pollute the sea. In fact, fish may like it. They feed on it. Coastguardsmen on their cutter sighted Tsai, but his ship was chugging farther away. They boarded the Chuanlienhsing and required Tsai to enact his crime, because pictures they took when they sighted him were all blurred to be of use as incriminating evidence. The poor Chinese was compelled to obey.

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Foreigners cause of slump in local Indonesian hex market.

When I think of disasters that Satan could bring, I don't think I've ever considered bloating like broccoli to be one of them.