The phone numbers will cost you

As a service to the Taipei Times I will post some selected classified ads as printed in Monday's newspaper.

Powerful oil Gentle therapy.
Sensuall point rub down. Full Body Totally Relax, Affectionate release. Woman/Man welcome!! ask Leo with masseur's

Valentine's Aroma Japaness Highest Quality warm oil therapy.
Experience New city masseuses. Shemona & Caroline. ask Transvestite Joyce.

Musculine Male Masseurs
Refreshing & relaxing body massage by masculine male. Please call: VINCENT

Romanticisms Transvestite Thai massage.
New city masseuse's give Highest good recipes. Call Joan or Mini.

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I must say that upon first glance, I expected this article to go a little more hand-in-hand with the above post. Not to be, however. Sorry D-Wayne. Taiwan will celebrate International Spank Out Day this April 29th. It was established to encourage the end of corporal punishment by parents and teachers. So instead of "smacking on impulse", smackgivers are encouraged to make a phone call (to whom, it doesn't say, but I suggest VINCENT or Transvestite Joyce) or exchange "pithy one-liners."

Minister of Education Tu Cheng-sheng (杜正勝) offered this priceless piece of pith, "Respect and understand children to avoid treating them violently." I think the MofE needs a refresher on the meaning of pithy - short, direct, memorable. Then again, he was probably speaking in Chinese and everything in Chinese is pithy. If he was speaking in Taiwanese than it was probably just plain loud as heck.