Def and Dumb

• Note: No activists were on hand to be harmed during the writing of this post.

Seems Russell Simmons, the chairman of Def Jam Records, is, well, uh, disturbed. Evidently KFC has been killing chickens in a way that he does not prefer. After all, chickens are people too, or at least individuals, and interesting ones at that. Alleged abuses include live scalding, painful debeaking (is there any other?), abuse and torture. Probably some name calling going on there, too. Anyhoo, Simmons clarifies his objections, courtesy of meatnews.com :
When a company targets our community, disrespects us as consumers, and sells us products ridden with negative energy and laced with toxins, that is our business," Simmons said.

Okay, where to start. Who is our community? Has he renounced his ethnicity and become an Avian-American? The alleged/actual abuses occurred at a Pilgrim's Pride plant in Texas that supplies KFC. They are not the lone supplier for KFC. So how does KFC/PP target whoever-in-the-hell his community is? That's a lot of work just to sort them tortured, Family Size Value Buckets from the rest, track Mr. Simmons across the country and have them available for his dinner. Oops! He's a vegan. So are vegans the target (If not, why not start)?

"...sells us products ridden with negative energy..." Uh, whatever.

He's joined in this quest with fellow Mensa-ite, Pamela Anderson. Hey, Pamela! If you really want to help out all the oppressed animals on the planet, why don't you divest yourself of those two habitats you stole from the fishies? And Russell? Maybe they are getting hurt before they're killed but let's start with us carbon-based bipeds first. I'm going to volunteer you as a human shield for Greenpeace to protect them from them mean ol' thugs at London's International Petroleum Exchange.

P.S. - What's a swampy?


Carter in a Can - Again!
A real kick-ass sub. And why not? He's a Naval Academy graduate, naval officer, former president and a real-life nyook-yoo-ler physicist (fourth paragraph).

Tainan Festival Cancelled
The nascent Tainan Whale Sushi Festival was abruptly cancelled after veterinarians, coast guard officers and experts from the Taiwan Cetacean Society mishandled the prime catch of nine killer whales. Expectant residents, patiently awaiting a replay of last year's free feast, dourly turned away after it became clear the "experts" were going to hog it all for themselves.Pan-blue supporters immediately rioted, stormed and occupied the DMV and demanded an inquiry into the cancellation of Entertaining Spectacle.