Philippines Trip: Have it Your Way

Every trip I take out of Taiwan, I always budget in enough time to hit the Burger King in the basement of Terminal 1. I can even put aside my contempt for the flame broiled ( propane flames? butane?) claim long enough to enjoy it.

This time I was headed to the Philippines. The night before, Typhoon Kalmaegi , unloaded in Taichung and was still continuing to rain heavily in the morning. Would I be able to leave? The High Speed Rail said they were still operational. Cebu Pacific's ticketing agent ( they have no actual personnel in Taiwan) ,Fu Hsing Airways, told me to wait as they checked with Manila. The flight was still on. I taxied to the HSR ($200NT), boarded an hour later ($540NT) and debarked in Taoyuan. Shuttled to the airport ( $30NT, not free as they imply) and went to check in.

All Cebu Pacific flights cancelled today due to the typhoon.

Yippie-kie-yie-yay, mother fletcher.

After hearing from my wife that Cebu's rep made a mistake and was very sorry but there is nothing they could do to help me, I decided that I could still enjoy my Whopper.

The prep area for the burgers is just behind the place where you grab your tray. I noticed the woman doing the prepping was squeezing something from a white bottle on every type of burger. Mayonnaise. I confirmed this and asked her to skip the mayo and use that yellow bottle next to the white one and give me a couple of shots of mustard. Okey-dokey, I am ready to eat. The cashier rings up $89NT for the burger, does a double take and asks if I have mustard on it. I hesitate. Is there something wrong with mustard. Is it illegal? I have no idea and answer in the affirmative. She tells me that there is a $10NT fee for " changing sauces."

Me: But I didn't change sauces.
Evil Employee: Yes, you did. You don't have mayonnaise.
Me: But the woman didn't change sauces, she just grabbed a bottle 2 inches away from the mayo and added that. No changing.
E.E.: You have to pay.
Me: (pointing to the wall-sized sign stating that there are 1,124 ways to Have it Your Way!) But what about that?
E.E.: I don't know what that says. It's in English. Do you want it or not?
Me: Yeah. Black store. Black store.
E.E.: What?
Me: Nothing.

What is Burger King doing? They charge me 10% of the burger price to have mustard. When did mustard become so valuable? Who's to blame? Mustard speculators? Big Mustard? Colonel Mustard? I am definitely petitioning the King about this one.

I take the bus back to Taichung ($240) and taxi back to my house ($130) and prepare to do it all over the next day. A $1,239NT Whopper.

"Hold the pickles,

Hold the lettuce.

Special orders don't upset us.

All we ask is that you let us charge you extra.

Have it your way."