I need some help!

I'm trying to decide on a gift for Ponce - his Imaginary Birthday is coming up on the Chinese Lunar calendar, and I'm having a tough time deciding between these three books.

Book 1

Book 2

Book 3

Which do you think he'd like more?

I'd buy this book for him, but since he's ex-Army, I think he might be offended by the USMC parts.

WARNING: My lucky hours are from 9:00 p.m. - 1:00 a.m. according to my Chinese Astrology link - expect me to be playing every hand during that time period, and fold accordingly.


BONUS LINK: Do not look for a loyal Russian bride from this place.

MacDonald

phone pics cat 182
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

The cat the prefers the great indoors. The cat the sister in law is afraid the dog will eat.

The cat with two names Hae -Pi and Happy. This little guy is alot of fun.

Haitang surrivor cat house

phone pics cat 184
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

http://photos21.flickr.com/26249909_0d1e359567_m.jpg Macdonalds. Mian http://photos23.flickr.com/26249910_7145331a51_m.jpg Hae -Pi http://photos22.flickr.com/26249908_1d4fd9299f_m.jpg The cats made the transition from the city to the country. One week after it was finished Two cats moved into a small barn. The other left for the neighbors tractor shed. Cats don't like cages. Cats won't run away as long as you feed them and play with them. Some local mistook me for a cat lover adn offered me two more. The wife thinks I should return to the city with the cats. I'm telling everyone no thanks. well maybe one cat to keep me company and give me something to do. If the kid would come out I could settle on one thing to do. Come on Kaia hurry up I gotta go back to work.

Light reading

phone pics cat 186
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

The book on the left was written in the 60's and is about the early Angels and their gay leather, motorcycles, sex and fist fights in california. The book on the right is based on the true story of a French Canadian Angel who killed bad guys in the early 1990's. Much more interesting read. In exchange for sell-out testominies the killer will be granted a new identity and be released after serving 15 years. (2007). Future book reports should contain quotes but I have to give up my 10 minutes of internet.

Door to table

phone pics cat 191
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

At the prodding and pushing of the in-laws I sliced and diced and expensive door to make a beer table. It had to be done their way. It should have a "..." and a "..." and it can't be too heavy. " Oh now it is too big." They have a barn full of these door that must have fallen off a cargo ship. Anyway it is finished. " Oh the wood is so expensive." " Are you finished yet?"

???

A free drink for anyone who can work out what these equations are for. No surfing the web to find out.

Ponce be Warned

The Hot Tea PJ

Had an opportunity to sit with Frenchie, Big John, and Drug Dealer Kevin two nights ago (needless to say we were not discussing the recent elections in Suriname). Turns out Drug Dealer Kevin (heretofore referred to as Dumbass) has a bone to pick with one six foot six blogger that wears gay hats. He wants him to meet his wife, so she can sort him out with her 'connections.' Apparently he wasn't very appreciative of Karl's recent post regarding the ass kicking Dumbass received at the hands of PJ. Well, there are many other sordid things which were discussed, but then Dumbass decided to go to the back and take some white powdery stuff.........and by the time he came back, he was lacquered up nicely. Which led to and exchange with Kat involving parts of the female body which aren't mentioned in polite company. Which led to Kat's husband Don putting Kevin on the ground. From what I gather, the primary difference between the unrelated ass kickings is that once Don had put him on the ground, he walked away. PJ was not so kind. Anyhow, Don, if you read this, you owe me a drink, mine was on the table you knocked Dumbass onto before he hit the floor.

Typhoon Blogging

So, my Mom arrives on Saturday night and tells me there is a super typhoon coming. Maybe I need to pay attention to local news at some point?

It hits on Sunday night and then Monday morning became quiet and relatively still. Then it pick up again on Monday night and has been raining sense.

We cruised around Feng-Jia doing some errands and there was extensive tree damage and signs blown down. I hope to have some photos up eventually, though they will probably suck.

Maybe if Kevlar isn't too busy becoming a Daddy or Bread isn't too busy wandering around Rye's house in his birthday suit they can get some shots up, too.

mahjong

mahjong
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

I played three games (total 5 hours plus). I lost about 800 nt. I had plently of unwanted assistance from on-lookers. My shoulder got sore from my nervous tension. I passed some time... What can I do next? This baby has got to pop soon. Yesterday was Bretts b-day. He is now 31? Well really old anyway. I'm sure he is having fun Happy BIRTHDAY BRETT. It looked like Kaia might come out yesterday but she was just teasing.

The taichung is hot and the fishing is poor

the tank
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

O-ring check. no leaks check. Pump and hoses check. fish no check. mosquitos (only in the garden) Cotton filters check. flow check. Ebb check. Aspirin check Added all the available salt and it is not enough. Check.
Math question : size of main tank 60 by 60 by 105cm = 378000 cubic cm = 378 litres = 99.85 Us gallons. ok that is probably right. Then probably another 20 gallons for the bottom filter. So how much sea salt is needed to get that up to the right level.. oh yeah ask the fish guy. Duh? ( i have yet to find him helpful). Am I supposed to leave the pump running. suppose I can wait until the salt levels are correct.
By strange conincedence I moved three airconditoners adn a fish tank yesterday.

IVO in OHIO

IVO happy sink

Land of Cleves

Burning River Beer

Does anyone remember back in the 70s when the Cuyahoga River caught fire and Cleveland got a bad rap for being an environmentally unsound city?
Well, our first stop after Grandma Schaeffer's house was the drink store where I came across this little gem. Great Lakes Brewing Co. is marketing this Pale Ale. I gotta say it's a pretty hai hao beverage but the Dortmunder Golden Lager is quite tasty.

We flew from Bangor thru Detroit to Cleveland last Sunday. Back to NB tomorrow reverse route. It's been a regular SchaefferPalooza all week with all of the Sandstress' six siblings and attached others coming and going. On Monday we went to Ohio City's (an inner city city) top used clothing store. It was half price day and man what I gotta admit a bit of culture shock. ALL kinds of people were there and it was kind of like looting but everyone was paying. Sandy said I should have gone to the DMV for a more intense cultural experience...
Tuesday we ate at Uncle Mike's pub, Brendan O'Neill's, an Irish style bar and grill. Tasty, tasty Wasabi Avocado Burger and a couple of pints of a really great beer called Smithwick's. Dark and hoppy. Back to Uncle Mike's for the All-Star game which, I gotta say, was kinda ho-hum. The NL was never really in the game after the 2nd. Jones' bomb off Rogers was pretty sweet.
Last night we all went to Jacobs Field to see the Indians take on the White Sox. It was a great pitcher's duel, Millwood vs. Contreras... final score 1-0 Chisox. We're going again tonight, CC Sabathia vs. Freddy Garcia and I think we've got really good seats. D-Wayne look for us on MLB.com if you're tuning in...
I'm giving Cleveland a pretty good score this trip...
More later...

Still waiting to hear about Kevlar's baby. Any news?

Haikus at 6 o'clock!

Waiting like a dog

while Windows slowly re-boots

I hope Bill Gates dies.

New New blue Who knew?

new smokes
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

Seven lights has followed the boy blue theme to the extreme. New summer packaging that has me smoking a pack a day. Store clerks baffled by the color change. More English speakers read the labels and start smoking " The superbly balanced mild seven blend offers an inspiring moment of satisfaction". Who could give up on betel nut girl whispering that in you ear.I also like the swirl nike-esk logo

crabby game

crabby game
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

Honing the skills of the hunter gather is not lost in modern Taiwan. For ten kwai a pop, drunken youths slay wild crab and seduce the arcade maidens. When green peace finds out perhaps they will boycott Taiwan computer parts. Immagine the poster children " Taiwanese claw crabs to death!" " Stop the use of robotics for fishing!"..

highway restroom

highway restroom
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

Sometimes educators and parents need to be reminded. Let the kid wash his hands. The child can use a basin. Don't beat the basin.
I think the translation is off.

Some of yall might be familiar with Kinky Friedman, and then some of yall might just be culturally deprived. Kinky is a musician, novelist, essayist and now, a politician. He's not your ordinary pseudo-celeb politician. He started out in music with Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys. He then moved on to writing novels and articles, notably for Texas Monthly. I prefer his articles. Anyway, the Kinkster was in town and I went to get a book and listen to what he had to say. He is focusing on education, which went over well with the crowd of educators and graduates. Texas spends the least amount of money on education (along with Mississippi)in the nation. The current legislature is convening in a special session concerning that very issue trying to figure out who to take the money from this time. Kinky has an idea. He calls it Slots for Tots. Video Poker terminals in bars will receive a small profit of the take. A local charity will receive a slightly larger portion and the rest will go to education in Texas. His other idea, my favorite, is called The Five Mexican Generals. In this scenario, employers list their need for laborers. Mexicans are documented and assigned jobs to fill the various needs. All others are asked to go back to their casa. The Texas/Mexico border is divided into 5 zones, with a Mexican general designated to oversee their zone. A million dollars is deposited in an account for them for a period of time (couldn't hear that part). For every illegal that is caught coming from any general's zone or the corresponding area in Texas, $5,000 is deducted. After the stated period time is up, the money is the general's. I also I heard him say that he's asked Willie Nelson to be his Energy Advisor, has Jesse Ventura's campaign staff coming down to help and WWE wrestler Goldberg helping to... to... hell, I don't know. Kick some ass, probably.

Taiwan Governance

This post is inspired by Professor Turton's latest posts about Taiwan's goverment's effectiveness. I will run down in no particular order some personal observations of 13 years here.

The Good

• Vast improvement of visas - much streamlining and elimination of paperwork. Remember when exit permits had to be applied for? I also recall trying to register at various local police stations, etc., where the cops didn't even know how to do it. A nightmare.
• The little "dian che" commuter trains from Taichung to Changhua/Fengyuan- with ice cold air conditioning too.
• Helmet law. I thought that would never fly. Changing the motorcycle left turn rules to use the informal technique already popular. That takes some thinking outside the box.
• Broadband. And many government forms can be filed on-line, too.
  

The Mixed

• The attempt to make doctors separate the pharmacy from their operations and cut down on pill prescribing is not working too well.
• The no plastic bag rule. I do think it was partly successful, but I wonder if they could not have simply specified that only one plastic material would be allowed for making bags, and thus make them easy to recycle. But for sure, I use way less bags now and don't miss them.
• Charging for Parking. I like it, but wonder why the truck with the ad on it sat by McDonald's for a month. Oh, and I will credit the EPA with removing abandoned cars after repeated warnings. I think my old Sanyang went this way without me even noticing. R.I.P.
• Improvement in foreign investment rules. Back in The Day, foreign investors had to pay a higher tax rate on profits than Taiwanese. We also can now buy homes. Yay!

The Bad

• Regulation of Cable TV monopolies.
• Import labeling laws, specifically for beer. Too much nitpicking and draconian fines. Example: Heineken had to sue the government to accept the product name could be "beer" instead of the letter of the law "beer type" or face NT$ 1,000 / bottle fines. (Do the math.) Another example, the Taipei authorities suddenly switched to only accepting "production date and expiry date" as opposed to the rest of Taiwan which accepted "production date and a shelf life." (Meanwhile local companies are free to put huge American flags on domestically produced items.) Yes, local language labeling is important for consumers, but decide upon the format and keep it for more than 6 months.
• Why the hell doesn't the high speed train link up with CKS airport? If I am wrong about this, let me know.
  

I think that's enough - any more can be put in the comments section.

Is live furniture kept outside or inside?

Is live furniture kept outside or inside?
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

I asked the topless clerk. Yes! She does come with the live furniture. She said that she likes to drink water everyday, icecream is a turn on. Her favorite color is brown. Her biggest dislike is people who put the parking break on while sitting at a green light on taichung harbor road. She also likes rub tug wax and polish.

It is raining

It is raining
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

One day in the canal there was some water. This machine was seen doing the backstroke. Fortunately the operator was napping under a tree and was un-hurt. He informed the police that he would like to report he lost his favorite ACDC CD , his wife, the dog, his girlfriends phone number and his complete set of hello kitty magnets.

Who is that?

Who is that?
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

In the background quietly slept A-holes secret formula. His master plan to teach his children to say " I -pee- AY". Stealthly the child learned to be more Canadian. Each word ended in AY. " book-AY", "song-AY" "DAD - AY". Overwhelmed A- hole moved to beverly hills Canada.. Truro Nova Scotia. He opened a sand shop, selling tropical beach sands to snow bound Canadians. Offering hopes and dreams. His children singing " the sun will come out tomorrow.." to the tune of O- Canada. After his partner sold the sands of Daytona beach A-hole was overheard telling his taiwan business partners " If we did it my way we would be done by now!".

Guess who?

Who is this?
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

Who is that?

Man seen smiling loudly. Inside sceaming "Who's your Daddy?, I'm your Daddy!" "Where's your Daddy?, Here's your Daddy! Boom boom cha ca la ca boom boom

Ditch pig

Ditch pig
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

This speed demon can't climb hills, and just made the free way on ramp. threee cats, tools and a helpless lptop. Traveling with CDs and ACs is awesome. It returned itseld to the lovely nest yesterday and gracefully parked itself in front of its roost. I removed all the weeds and mud from under the bumpers. Then I returned to the dreaded fish tank project.
This vechicle is capable of carring 10 sticks of lumber each 346 cm in length. If Ryan doesn't know how in the F*&#$ to get the back seat to fold down I will never tell. 5 minutes to figure that.. Geez! my smoke was almost out . opel is not a color.. it is a pep less way of saying I wouldn't go even if you pushed me

Bob Geldof's call rallies millions of GED aspirants to invade Africa. At least that is the message I got. While watching one of the approved channels - History Channel, ESPN2/FOX SOUTHWEST, and CMT, I was bushwhacked with a Live 8 report. Now, I had been desperately trying to avoid any coverage of that. I'd already had more than my fill of pre-concert pablum from the musical mentalistas. However, at the end of a Toby Keith song, CMT cut to the finale and a short sermon from Sir Bob. The screen was filled with rockers musical-type people of all sorts climbing over each other to shout the lyrics to "Hey, Jude." Then the Knight Rattus told us of the day's efforts to eliminate poverty. The next shot showed the aftermath of the 9 concerts. The butt-crack flaunting young concert goers displayed a political acumen that will make aging 60's hippies think twice before ever uttering "Woodstock, man!" ever again. With the mountains of garbage they created they will immediately enfranchise thousands of clean-up crew workers to the middle class. However, the money spent by governments on the clean up will probably kill Mauritania.

I was relieved to hear that they didn't want my money (yet). They wanted my voice. Voice to do what? Wait for the G8 and then ask for money? No. They don't want money. Sir Bob would not lie and break the knights code. I think Bob wants my voice to tell the European nations to stop giving money to the governments and start channeling it to NGOs and private businesses. So, I can only surmise that he is calling for a full scale invasion of the impoverished nations and set up a sub-Saharan chain of Wal-Marts.


July 4th. I need first-hand accounts and toxicity reports for yall's July 4th celebration. Please include chili cook-off results. I, myself, am now off to enjoy the festivities of the Hub City.

NB Travel Report

Grand Lake

We landed on a hot and humid Saturday, walked on the tarmac to the terminal in the blinding sun to meet Ivo's grandparents. Even the heat couldn't melt their enthusiasm. Tropical like weather doesn't often visit the Maritimes and we think it may have been stuck to our clothes.

We went to eat at the Irving Big Stop where you can order breakfast and lunch at the same time all day so we did. At the table next to us sat three pigs. They had ordered quite a spread. They started with hors d'oeuvres: the first pig had chicken wings with all the dipping sauces, the next one had jalapeno poppers and the third must have been really sweaty 'cause he had a tall, cool glass of Maritime water.

These farming communities sure can be colourful. We skipped hors d'oeuvres and went straight for the main courses; the servings were huge as expected. Ivo sat in a high chair for the second time, the first being at Friday's on Friday with some favorite uncles. So then, the pigs' main courses arrived. The first pig had a hot roast beef sandwich with a side of poutine smothered in gravy. The second pig had mashed potatoes, vinegared fiddleheads and big slab of fresh brook trout. The third pig had a pitcher of lemon ice water which he drank down with abandon.

The restaurant was really crowded and we couldn't believe that pigs were allowed to sit inside. We didn't say anything 'cause we didn't want to come off as rude. There were some soldiers waiting to be seated. They were wearing kilts. We didn't say anything about that either.

Everyone seemed to be enjoying their meals very much. Ivo was getting to know his Grampy and Grammie. The bottomless black coffee was coupling nicely with that initial return home buzz you get after long stays away.

Finally, it was time for dessert. Being completely stuffed and ready to get on the road for home, we all declined. The pigs seemed to be ready for more however. As the waitress hovered, the first pig ordered a whole apple pie topped with Rocky Road ice cream. The second pig had strawberry shortcake drowned in whipped cream. The third pig again had a tall glass of water. At this point, curiousity got the better of me and I leaned over and said to the third pig, "Aren't you hungry? Why aren't you eating any food?" To which he replied, "Well, someone's gotta go 'Wee, wee, wee' all the way home."

Joke courtesy 8 year old relative. Thanks. I can hear the shhh-ing from here.

One week it has been. One week of sleep, Mexican food, steaks, 5am shopping trips to Super WalMart and watching Nickelodeon with my niece and nephew. Now, however, I can have some real quiet time. The family left for Colorado for 1 week to pass the 4th of July. Me, I prefer to stay here and eat Mexican food and steaks, go early morning shopping, ride my bike in the 103 heat and continue watching Nickelodeon (most of the other channels scare the bejeezus out of me). Lubbock has wi-fi out the wazoo, but few - zero to my knowledge - internet cafes. I'm using my mother's Compaq notebook that doesn't even have a USB port. I've got plenty of posts waiting, just looking for a better place to do it from.

P.S. - If you want to place orders for anything, put it on the comments and state in what manner you will reimburse me.

Taiwan Food Innovations

New forms of rice developed in Taiwan.

New form of eating developed in Taiwan. It saves time by combining other bodily functions.

Have a nice week-end.

Oil Trust in Iraq

I think we should have set up an oil trust in Iraq similar to Alaska's system, where oil royalities are not given to the government to spend, but to individual citizens in the form of a monthly check.

Reasons?

A. This would have hit hard at the idea that theUS is there for the oil.
B. The chance for corruption or misspending of oil wealth would be lessened.
C. It would have been an excellent weapon against the insurgency.

1. The populace would grow angry with any attacks on the oil infrastructure.
2. The Iraqi government would be seen as a clear benefactor.
3. The checks could be used as a carrot to insecure regions by denying them to areas where "it is not safe to deliver the checks." In other words, report the insurgents, tell your son to lay off the RPG attacks and you might get your checks.

Now, there may have been good reasons not to implement this kind of system or there may be drawbacks that I cannot think of.

If anyone says "the reason it wasn't done was Bush wants the oil" then I guess point A is completely correct. Though, there would be no reason under such a system that Halliburton et al could not get the same contracts and business as they would under other systems. It's only a matter of how to distribute the government's portion of the oil income.

Maybe the reasoning against it was that the Iraqi government will need lots of funds or that they should pay for some of their own reconstruction. A partial solution would be to implement a flat 50% witholding tax on the checks specifically for "war and reconstruction." Yet another incentive against the insurgents, because the checks would get bigger once the insurgents are dead.

I wonder if it's too late to encourage them to set up such a system?

Mad Cow Madness

If you watch the news here, you get to see Taiwanese politicians hysterically demanding American beef be taken off the shelves because of a second case of Mad Cow disease in the USA.

Now, just to review, there have been two confirmed cases of Mad Cow in the USA. This is out of 70 millions cows or so, with 388,000 animals tested in the last year.

One cow was from Canada. The other was a cow that was born before the new feeding regulations were put in place in 1997, and was found before it could be made into dog food, literally.

Even if the cow was slaughtered, the current procedure keeps meat for human consumption from being in contact with the brains and spinal cord, which are the dangerous parts to eat. Many victims in the UK got sick from such cross contamination from traditional butchers.

Now, a few questions for Taiwanese consumers:

1. How safe are Taiwanese slaughterhouses? It's completely reasonable to be concerned about food safety, but what's the point of obsessing over American beef if your own meats aren't safe?

2. Since traditional butchery practices could be a major cause for Mad Cow in people, what has the Taiwanese government done to modernize these practices in Taiwan? (snicker, snicker.)

3. Here in Taiwan, when you can't finish that dish of pig's brain, what does the restaurant do with the scraps?

Of course, Taiwan should be careful and consider all actions, but hysteria and the use of this for political gain (such as bringing the cameras with you when you decide to launch a diatribe at the appplicable government office) are not helpful.

Disclaimer: I am not a scientist. I also could not tell the difference between the Aussie beef and the American beef at McDonald's. Mea Culpa.

Cool Science Photos as Art

*********BREAKING NEWS*********

Dothead Paul has flown to India to work out the details on possible husbands for his sister (as in arranging a marriage). Now I have met Paul's sister and she is hot, really hot. Is there not one man in Edmonton man enough for her? Not one Canadianer ready to step up to the plate with this Indian-Canadian beauty? To be quite honest, I was shocked to discover this, because as I said, she is hot and there were only like three hot girls in all of Alberta last time I was there. Edmontonians, please, don't make me come across the border and kick your collective ass. Go to the bar in Edmonton, pick out the looker, and it will probably be her. Take her on a date, and see what the future might bring...

Donde Esta?

Where have Stoney and J-Hole gone? It's like getting updates from the moon over there in North America, land of low technology apparently. Did J-Hole make his connection? Did Ivo throw up on any hot stewardesses (excuse me, flight attendants)? Will the whole tribe of Indians make it to Newva Brunswick? Are American girls still fat? The suspense is killing us boys, let us know.

Kid Blogging Monday

Feeding Fiona
Originally uploaded by haruntaichung.

Yeah, she only eats American potatoes now. I guess she will have champagne tastes. Luckily, the rich doctor she marries will have no problems with that, and of course will allow me use of his lodge in Lucern.

Am I becoming a rightie?

Or has the left completely disassociated itself from reality? I am no libertarian, and I am certainly for the government taking whatever land it needs to complete necessary development (highways, railroads and hospitals come to mind) to better the community. Eminent domain, as detailed in the fifth ammendment, certainly allows for the confiscation of land for public use. However, the court's recent decision, penned by Stevens, allowing for a local government to take over private land and then mete it out to private development for the betterment of the community reeks of two things. First, people will be losing their homes while some corporation or rich bastard makes money (presumably hand over fist with new beach front property in this case). This hurts, but does not seem to be a solid legal avenue to persue. After all, the aforementioned highways and railroads certainly help to line the pockets of somebody. It is the second thing, unmentioned in the several reviews of this decision I have looked at, that scares me the most. Can we spell graft? Citycouncilmen and women now hold the keys to takeover in their hands. As Justice O'Conner notes on page 34 of the link above, the expansion of the government's definition of public use is both absurd and uncheckable. With the sole litmus test being whether or not the takeover will benefit the communityat large, a vague area opens, one surely to be exploited. Certainly tearing down three houses to build a park would benefit my community, how about yours? Shame on the liberal justices, shame on Kennedy for joining them, and shame on me for believing the left had the desire to defend the little man. Perhaps they are becoming like the Canadian left, opening the government to any mafia style graft they can squeeze through...


If any reader made it through all that nonsense I just wrote, congratulations. I am aware that few care about these things, but man the government irks me...

Summer's Coming Attractions

Ni Howdy will be bringing you plenty of Sizzling Summer Action!

• Trekking in Central Asia - link is not safe for work.
  
• Barbecue - Texas Style!
• Witness the birth of the rare and exotic Homo Sapiens Gillis
• Frat Rush at University of Southerly Montana
  
• The Plight of Itinerant Fiddlehead Pluckers in New Brunswick
• D.U.G.'s First Post - Are the rumors true that he will come out of the closet?
• ChaonWatch - devoted to truth in gaming, no matter what the cost to Karl's Ego.
• Frenchie's Amazing Race - Can he escape Taiwan and make it to Vietnam?
• PJ's Koh Tao Report - Yeah Baby!

And of course all the usual Taiwan stuff.

• Parking Old People in Taidong - Pimp style
• 10 Secrets of Used Van Salesmen - Garret

UPDATED: If anyone finds a link objectionable (except AmCham Jack who finds monkeys objectionable), please let me know and I will kill the link. DISCLAIMER: Links only added after a certain person complained that only Garret got a link.

Canadian Club (and not the good kind.)

Personal Ads
Originally uploaded by haruntaichung.

Karl's got some link to a survey from taiwanfun.com (do they deserve a link? naw) about whether we should have some sort of new international organization in Taichung.

Apparently it will be "a Taichung chapter of the Canadian
Society in Taiwan with an international flavour."

A few problems with this concept:

A)They seem to want "an annual membership fee of NT$2,000 or less" which I really can't see paying myself, and I damn well can't see many Canadians paying at all.

B) The taiwanfun.com personal ads like the one on the right show you what kind of paragons of civic virtue are coming to Taiwan lately. Click to enlarge. Xenon Epsylon2....hmm he's had a classical "greek" college education and if you read his profile he's a "nice" guy.

UPDATE: Here's a link to the Canadian Society of Taiwan. Now they aren't the Illuminati or the Gnomes of Zurich, but surely they beat the Gold Fish Fanciers? Confused?

Karl, I call your PJ quote,

"I am so sick and tired of sexually frustrated white women."

and raise you mine,

"If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one to hear it, does it really fall?"

And now, the end is near

John, Kevin, Elliot and I just got through manhandling a 120cm x 90cm x 60cm fish tank, lugging the thing down three flights of stairs, onto a truck, and into Ryan's house. Needless to say, we are all beat. My house now looks like Liberia, and I have a lot of cleaning to do, but it's a start.

In other news, the weekend games report goes something like this (since some six foot six monkey won't report unless it contributes to the legend he has created in his own mind):

• On Friday night, Bread opened a six pack of whoop ass on the boys, prompting him to say thank you for treating him so kindly on his final night of hosting. Ponce (that's Chaon to the uninformed) got destroyed and mutilated, but pretended to be so drunk that he forgot how much he really lost.
• On Saturday, Ponce teamed with Michael in A&A, only to lose to the benevolent and kind Malv, proving the theory that one old fart is better than two old farts any day.
• On Sunday, that same Ponce told that same Malv that he was a fool for moving his queen out so early, then proceeded to watch as Malv check mated him three moves later. Game Time: about three sips of Budweiser.

Fellow bloggers, please keep me posted of the REAL game reports while I am in America. Getting news only from Chaon would be like reading the Guardian over and over again for the rest of my life -- a good read, so long as you don't care about facts...

1/3 of Americans now pay no income tax

I am interested in hearing any and all comments on this.

Personally, I think if we made each citizen pay a symbolic minimum tax of say US$ 50, it would not only bring in trillions of dollars in revenue, it would also be fairer. But then again, I may be a real scrooge to think our progressive tax system might be getting too progressive if 32% of tax filers pay ZERO federal income tax. (42.5 million X US$ 50 = 2 trillion dollars and change.)

Of course, they could all be evil Republican millionaires who benefited from Bush's tax cuts. Or wealthy Democrat scions who have their huge fortunes invested in tax-exempt municipal bonds.

But somehow I doubt those categories add up to 32% of America's taxable populace, though admittedly, I wasn't there for the internet boom.

From the original report, you can see various break-downs. (44% are single without children, which went against my guess that these would all be single mothers.) So, even if we implement this symbolic tax only on the single without kids category we could still reap 900 billion dollars in revenue, though I'm sure Miller Brewing and the local weed dealer would be out some sales.

For the record, I do pay federal income taxes, and I have worked at Taco Bell for US$ 3.35 an hour. I did get to wash the plastic bell on the roof a couple times, though. Job satisfaction baby!

AmCham gets it (half) right

July 4th approaches. Independence Day. That's what the government and every person I've met calls it. And then I came to Taiwan. I was surprised to see banners proclaiming America Day at Independence Day celebrations. I have bitched and moaned to Amcham Jack and his predecessor about this. I was told that we live in Taiwan. Okay. Lots of people in Taiwan are Taiwanese. Still following you. It would be easier for them to understand something big and familiar like America Day rather than big, scary and more-difficult-to-say Independence Day. Wrong. Extrapolating two major tenets of language learning theory, we can see how wrong and counterproductive this thinking is. Firstly, most all leading theorists will tell you that you never teach incorrect forms or speech. Despite your good intentions, the learner will retain this and it will inhibit proper learning and acquisition. And at this point, most Taiwanese are in the infantile acquisition stage with regards to American history and culture. I am not using infantile as a pejorative. Young learners will acquire rapidly and thoroughly. Give the Taiwanese the same opportunity.

Secondly, input is best understood if the level is just above the learner's own level. Input either drastically above or below the learner's level results in no learning at all. Therefore we strive for the input +1 idea. Input that is just above the learner's level that forces them to make the cognitive leap and acquire that knowledge and make it truly his/her own. So, let's call Independence Day what it is and not impair their understanding. It's really a no-brainer.

Well, AmCham Jack listened. No more America Day on AmCham's website. And, I hope they didn't already print up the banners. Now, on to the part they didn't get right.

Hey kids! Step on up! Come on over! Bring your father's ATM card! It's the celebration-formerly-known-as-America-Day-Independence-Day p-aarrty!

All right! Let's throw the football......through Starbucks window? Ah, crap. RUN!

Now, now, not to worry. Hustle on over here for the potato sack race down the winding stairs. Survivors Winners will each get a genuine Medical Toys neck brace. Bondage never felt so good!

1-2-3 Not it! Hey Billy you're it! Let's play tag.....YOUR HEAD ON THE BRICK CORNER? Yuck.

Need to kick back and relax? You're in the right place. Lie back on Tiger City's own therapeutic granite and treat yourself to the fabled Taiwanese Million-foot Massage!

Billy. How ya feeling? Let's toss some horseshoes......AROUND THAT CHICK'S NECK? Ah, shiii.......Wait....She LIKES it! COOOL!

Tiger City, and even worse, Soho Street have never been the proper venues for an Independence Day celebration. I've been given two reasons for this. One is fireworks and the other is money. Yes, fireworks are a large part of the celebration. However, they are only the culmination of an entire day of events. Surely the hours spent getting to this point are more important than the fireworks. We should be showing the people how and why we celebrate. Hell, everyone knows we can blow stuff up real good anyway. Money. Yeah, money is good, but we celebrate that almost every other day. The June 26 Swelter For The Shelter will come off just by donations and sharing. The AmCham board has some pretty big honchos with deep pockets. Have 'em pull their hands out and shell out. Or, just ask some of us teachers and lower-tier sort. We'd show up and pull it off. Speaking of showing up, when is the last time you've seen any AmCham member besides AmCham Jack and Habecker at any of these events? I think AmCham Taichung, which is a non-profit organization, would be better served if more of its members got off their asses and demonstrated their care and concern for the community in which they live. Get a grill and some grub. Go to the park. Eat, drink, play some music, throw the ball around and invite some of the locals over to join you. Much better.

Triumph

So this is what Americans are all about? Yikes, maybe I should find another country to live in next year. Of course, I reckon the first post modern hippie I meet in Montana may suffer the same consequences if I have a sock puppet handy.

One last poker night

Event: Poker Night
Location: Brett's House
When: This Friday night, 9:00
Theme: Take a Chair Home Night
Parameters: Anybody arriving after ten o'clock will be held in contempt and fined five hundred NT. Anybody supporting fundamentalist Islam or fundamentalist Christianity will be welcome to indulge in some sin. House will dictate when people will leave, no exceptions. Iron Cross will be played, often. Brett must win.

If you are comfortable with these parameters, please leave a comment and join in the fun. If you think they are a little too prickish, don't. If you are wondering what I am talking about, sorry. If you don't know what poker is, come join us. This will be the last poker night at my place, though A.J. will be hosting next week. After that, do what you want to do, I am out of here...

The Onion gets this one right!

Though to be perfectly fair, a Taiwanese factory who made housewares back in "the Day" claimed that these would be thrown away after one use - maybe my family is descended from Nova Scotian amateur carpenters, but I don't think we'd throw them away after one use.

Also, in my google search I found about a million kinds of corn on the cob holders. Aren't these ones cute? I know I already own several sets, but at 1.99 for a 4 pack , I can't resist buying a set.

原來如此

The Supreme Court of Canada struck down a ruling banning private medical insurance.

Canada is the only nation other than Cuba and North Korea that bans private health insurance, according to Sally Pipes, head of the Pacific Research Institute in San Francisco and author of a recent book on Canada's health-care system.

Maybe now the Trans-Pacific Canadian Pipeline will lower production of English teachers.

Get Your Beef Today!

Strongly advised: Purchasing U.S. Beef, today
Strongly expected: Taiwan slapping more import bans on it
Strongly grateful: Heading back to America this summer

If these tests prove positive, enjoy the Aussie beef boys, nothing like a kangaroo for dinner.

Taiwan's New Pension Plan

In July, Taiwanese workers will get a new kind of pension. Previously you had to work for the same company for 25 years to get a pension.

Now, you can apparently opt-in to a pension plan that is transportable. I am not clear on the details, because I couldn't find anything in the Taipei Times archives, but I will bet this plan is defined contribution (anyone with a defined benefit plan should consider it a lucky break nowadays.) Found a link. Sounds like you only get interest - no investment options.

More information here.

Basic Human Needs

June 26

Dong Xing Park

Scalia and Kennedy Agree

And state's lose more ground under the current administration. Republicans speak up for God's sake, where are you when we need you? I don't want to get into the nitty gritty of the decision, nor in the administration's persuit of justice under John Ashcroft. What I want to know is if Justice Scalia, a true champion of the immutable Constitution, smoked the confiscated dope when he realized he was siding with Stevens, Ginsberg, Kennedy, and Breyer against Thomas and Rehnquist. Perhaps there is hope for this court after all. Of course the irony comes in the form of Stevens writing the Court's opinion. The dissent was penned by O'Conner, most likely because Rhenquist was too stoned after the chemo.

Alternate Weekend Report

Sounds like I missed a good night of live music. Thanks Bread for the reporting.

In alternate weekend news, you can see results of Axis and Allies at Chaon's place. He also reviews the live music and chilli.

Grooveyard / Baked Beans Review

Well, last night's show went off somehow. Not sure what they did to get around the fire regulations (oh wait, this is Taiwan, nevermind) or where all those white people came from, but the overall feeling in the room was positive. The venue itself could have done with a few less tables to open the dance floor up a bit and some more air conditioning to cool off the patrons a lot. However, the sound was good and the intimacy level was great.

The band, Baked Beans, proved up to the challenge of entertaining a bunch of drunk white people, even with a hobbled Pete on drums. The tunes were mostly country standards (e.g. The Gambler), pepped up Johhny Cash covers (e.g. Don't Take Your Guns to Town), some crooner country (e.g. Walkin' After Midnight) and some bluegrass staples (e.g. Roll in My Sweet Baby's Arms). Perhaps the best tune they performed came as a surprise, a rockin' version of Randy Travis' Better Class of Losers. After Steve got the base turned down, the foot stomping could be heard in earnest and smiles were seen on the face of most everyone present.

Good luck to Patrick and Roger as they begin their new journey at the Grooveyard.

New Dig in Town

Tonight Australian Roger and Newfie Patrick are opening up a new live music venue above Frog I. Assuming readers still remember where that is, the party kicks off about 9:30 with an acoustic set by Nick and some yokel, followed by Baked Beans (country/bluegrass), and then some other, more rocking types. Get your boots on and get out!

Poker is cancelled.

Clarification not correction. We never have the need for that here. As I mentioned earlier, I said there will be lots of food and music on June 26. There Will be lots of food and YOU will bring it. PJ said to bring enough for, uh I forgot how many people he said, but I do remember it being about the same as the amount of meals he's willing to serve on any given day. So, let's say 6-7.

Faces of Death meets Taiwan

At the 7-11 counter I always peruse the Next magazine cover. Front cover is always breasts, breasts, and pop stars secretly dating. If you flip to the "rear" cover, you'll find murder, corruption, or scandal. This week, they have a grainy shot of a monkey being decapitated for someone's dining pleasure. You can see the page in the thumbnail here, but I suspect this page changes a lot, so no guarantee.

The in brief story on-line is here. Since I am illiterate immigrant to Taiwan, I'll have to wait to get the true dirt on this story. I thought only Cantonese ate this kind of stuff.

Yeah, and someone just told me this is sick and they don't want to hear about it. Sorry.

UPDATE:

In case the monkey eating doesn't interest you, here's the link to the Breasts, Breasts, Celebrity dating page. Running down the list:

1. Big S and Little S, the famous sister singers. Looks like Big S is strangling Little S. My wife informs me that Little S has had a lot of plastic surgery.
2. Lin Zhi-Lin, a famous model. What do you thinks she is famous for?
3. Skip
4. Some chick in a Kimono smoking. In China.
5. Nice white suit.
6. Mathew Lien (CANADIAN) crossing the street with a Chinese girl. Is this guy famous in Canada? Oh, it looks like the caption says he spent the night with her. Must have been a great night!

Brit Paul turns 35!

A moment from the Hot Tea PJ

As a special guest reporter for the PJ Gazette, I am required to inform any interested party that the day in the park (June 26th) is bring your own bbq and 1,000 NT to support the Indian orphans. If the 1,000 NT seems a bit high, then you need to get a raise (or give whatever you can). If you don't need bbq, then you don't have to bring any.

Also from PJ's, Brit Paul was Kirknapped last night and thus stumbled to his own birthday party a bit late. Murph brought cake, Jimmy brought Rosie, and Yuri brought a cute little bandana upon his head (which sent Jim's Gaydar off). There was even an appearance by Sean the Cactus Farmer. Anyhow, it was good times (for a Brit birthday party) and everybody stayed awake until 10:30! Here's hoping the year treats you well Paul.

And one final note, the hometown Bulls dropped a heartbreaker to the Satanic Mafia ( the Elephants), 4-3. Jhang Jia-hao was thrown out stealing second in the eighth and Zheng Tai-Xiang's replacement at the hot corner (whose name I don't know), bogeyed a routine grounder, then compounded the mistake by overthrowing first base, allowing the winning run to score in the top of the ninth. A tough break to be sure, but this is the CPBL and we learned to deal with these kinds of things a long time ago. The Bulls are now 1/2 a game up on the Whales with only a few games left before the end of the first half. Get your whistles out and catch a game, I've linked the June schedule for any interested parties.

Bush and Mbecki meet

Perhaps they just wanted to discuss minority hiring, firing and relocation. Could be they wanted to chide each other's allies (Mugabe? Niyazov?). Maybe they simply wanted to exchange war stories and such. One thing is for sure, however. As soon as Bush mentioned genocide in Darfur, they agreed to have another meeting to discuss the problem.

Why J-Hole should move to Gitmo

First, this post is about the American "gulag" at Guantanamo Bay, so I need to make a little statement about not condoning torture, Koran flushing, lap dances, or brutal beatings.

Secondly, I'm going to set off Karl's woo-dar by linking to an N.R.O. article, so please all inclined, start the salinization process...can you taste the two pounds of rock salt yet? OKAY.

“Americans are very kind people,” one English-challenged detainee said in the March 4 paper. “If people say there is mistreatment in Cuba with the detainees, those type speaking are wrong, they treat us like a Muslim not a detainee.”

“I’m in good health and have good facilities of eating, drinking, living, and playing,” remarked another. “The food is good, the bedrooms are clean and the health care is very good.”

In a February 16 Gitmo dispatch, an American Forces Press Service report described the treatment of Camp Delta’s roughly 520 detainees from about 40 nations. Troublemakers wear prison-style orange jumpsuits and mainly are confined to rudimentary accommodations. But those who follow camp rules wear white outfits and exercise seven to nine hours daily, often playing soccer and volleyball. In quieter moments, “chess, checkers and playing cards are the most requested items,” Rhem wrote. As for reading, “A security official explained Agatha Christie books in Arabic are very popular and that camp officials are working to get copies of Harry Potter books in Arabic.”

Doesn't this seem a whole lot like a typical J-Hole vacation of Beach, Books, and Beer? Minus the beer of course. I'm not sure I wouldn't take this offer even if I was a hardened jihadi - figure that you are already in an American prison surrounded by Godless communist Cuban forces, I might just say it's God's will that I read Harry Potter in Arabic.

WAIT! I think that's proof of torture in itself.

and now I humbly submit to the many people who will explain to me how this is totally incorrect, that our forces by nature must flush Korans 24/7 and torture those poor, poor Saudi innocents who went to Afghanistan in October 2001 only to work for Islamic charity.

and I promise not to talk about the Afghan kid who after being in Gitmo said he wanted to grow up to be a US Marine. That HAS to be the Stockholm syndrome for sure.

Click on the Piggy

Ruminations

Two factoids from this week's Economist. (Which means I just saved you some money cuz that's about it for interest.)

A higher proportion of Americans say they would be willing to vote for an openly gay presidential candidate (59%) than an openly atheist one (49%).

"He may be a fudge packer, but at least he knows he's going to hell!"

And of course, by mathematical principle, we can determine Karl would win 29% of the vote.

Second factoid: Now, I knew about Frog Gigging but apparently there is also Noodling. Another link here in case you only believe ESPN. I think I'll stick to indoor shrimp fishing.

p.s. If Karl has ever noodled before (and that's not entirely impossible with his secret red-neck heritage) I'll give him 10% more votes in "Deliverance" country.

The summer months are here but we are still blessed with some cooler spring-like weather. No matter for me though. My clothes feel like tissue on a wet sucker all day long. I find that I become more hirsute, faster, during Taiwan's summers and am stuck with deciding between the itchy neck beard or the dull plucking of whiskers by my cold-month-working-only razor.

Vacations are coming as are the rotating-out of some of our buddies. Frenchie will leave for his year-long sabbatical somewhere in S.E. Asia. Bread will return to Montana to learn how to hug trees and love fat chicks again. PJ will be gone for two months learning how many hamsters running around in metal wheels it will take to keep a beer cold on Koh Tao. If that is accomplished too soon he'll have plenty of time to keep himself company. You see, Frenchie threw out some bar-talk hypotheticals the other day and I can only remember one reply - PJ's.

Question: If you could spend one night having a drink with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?

PJ: Myself. You know when your telling a good story and people are listening and really enjoying it but it's not the same for you because you are there and they are on the outside listening? Well, I want to be able to listen to myself tell stories. And, it would also help me to remember them.

Me: But PJ? What if you got in a fight with yourself?

PJ: I'd know better than to mess with myself.

Good things: D-Wayne had a baby girl on Sunday. Football was out for him that day but he did assure us that he would be playing in 2 weeks when we take on the Disk Suckers. Priorities.

Jess and Dan, musicians who lived in Taichung and now live in India have started a school for indigent children. They hope to be able to add a hostel for these children and others who are currently living on the streets or in a box shelter. So, this June 26 there will be a big benefit for their school. PJ, PJ's li zhang, Amcham Jack and many others are helping out in a big way. You can help out by going by and dropping some cash. Cirrhosis in The Park will be in the park across from PJ's. There will be lots of food and lots of music.

Lastly, it was reported today that Taiwan's largest endemic mammal, the Taiwan black bear, has an official name. Taken from the aboriginal Bunan tribe, they have chosen Dumaz. I, personally, am pulling for the short U pronunciation.

I have noticed

Posts about Darfur get as little attention as President Bush at a Mensa meeting. So let's go beyond that a notch and talk about true destruction. Karl has invited a girl to his house on Saturday for Axis & Allies, proving again that he fears the combined mental powers of John and myself. I would be offended, but then I don't bet seventy every time I am high man on the table, even with nothing down. Turns out that Jaurei is the girl, and I predict her unleashing total destruction on the other four females at the table. But in true feminine fashion, Karl will find a way to ally himself with her, and thus be spared humiliation. He will be able to celebrate merrily and gloat of his superior intellect, but everybody knows the truth, he values pawns because he is one in Jaurei's master plan.

***Cracksplitting News***

I'm back from China and Kofi Annan still hasn't resolved the Darfur crisis? WTF?

It's like a media blackout in China - okay a brownout since you still see KMT and PFP people grovelling on TV and actually the Armed Forces News anchor chick looked kinda hot.

******BREAKING NEWS*********

This just in from Sudan, Kofi Annan is there to have a meeting with the refugees and aid workers. Many motions will be presented and seconded I am sure. Updates to follow.

Life imitating art?

Following the recent 'news' from Darfur, I am reminded of a scene from Life of Brian. Brian has just been captured by the Romans and the female member of the anti-Roman coalition (whose name escapes me now) storms into the meeting demanding immediate action. The John Cleese led committee passes a series of motions and resolutions and more motions and more resolutions until, alas, poor Brian is crucified. Kofi Anaan has now called for immediate action in the Darfur region of Sudan. Great idea, let's have a meeting.

For interested parties that never get invited to my house and relatives, here are a few pics of the final home improvements.

3 Heads: Booze, Butt and Dope

Food Festival? Hah! D-Wayne, did you have any food? PJ? I thought not. What we did have was a baker's buttload of margaritas and just the standard buttload of beer. PJ started the morning with coffee and Kaluha and Bailey's and vodka - in one cup. Can I get a Yeah Baby!? I think that we are all now ready for the Cement Tiger City cook-off. Too bad I won't be there, though. I'll be back home vacationing. Anyway, on the way home between Sogo and the Art Museum I managed to lose an 8-quart stock pot but acquire a bag of Salt & Vinegar chips and a can of Dr. Pepper. PJ's chili should just about be ready by then.

Lance

.

Please help this man. Among other things, he would like a porn name and then some talent to practice with. Co-bloggers, please post something quickly. This is difficult to look at.

Sogo Food Fest Today

Baked Beans is playing at noon so if you're up and around get on out to catch 'em. I heard .22 is playing at 3. Boogie Chillin' and others will be playing too. Enjoy!

John, PJ and D-Wayne are all cooking up some chili for your tasting pleasure. Have a margie with the boys. See yall up there.

Grocery Store Wars

Meet Cuke, Ham, ChewBroccoli and the rest.

Kosovo - Norwegian soldiers re-do the Beach Boys song.

Long Live The 70's

This kid's turning 40 this weekend. Any guesses as to who he might be?

Hint: He lives in The Hua on top of this blog's favorite Shan.

Why do they hate us?

Apparently because they think 85% of Americans are Jews.

Bread? Jew!

J-hole? Jew!

Karl? Jew!

Red-A? Jewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
(pronounced Latin American soccer announcer style)

PJ? Irish, but that's just a green Jew, really.

This reminds of the nice young man in white flowing robes and skull cap I met in Indonesia. He was from Aceh, the most zealously Islamic province of Indonesia. At first I was worried he'd ask about American girls offering "free sex" but instead he only wanted confirmation that "Chinese are the Jews of Asia."

Foreign Talents Working & Living in Taiwan

This survey came in the mail from Chung-Hua Institution for Economic Research. First of all, thank you for considering me a "talent." Mom will feel vindicated at last. The survey is a laundry list of issues, like "Efficiency of related agencies and authorities" or "Residential Safety" and for each issue you have ratings from Highly Dissatisfied to Very Dissatisfied with Average in the middle. Interestingly the survey comes with a print-out of the 2004 results.

Low points are:
Cross-Straight policy with China: 2.43 (21 respondents were highly dissatisfied.)
Provide a Living Environment in English: 2.54 (13 respondents were highly dissatisfied. I suspect the bi-annual changing of PinYin romanization could be a major cause.)

High points are:
Internet Access: 3.96 (only one person was highly dissatisfied - I guess they want free wi-fi.)
Convenience of Living: 3.70 (no one was highly dissatisfied. advantage: 7-11.)
Residential Safety: 3.48

Opinions about some issues included:
Taiwan should be provided with more language instruction: 25.78% YES 59.38% NO
Teachers, the foreign talents have spoken - ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

They also have fill in the blank questions:

1. In what areas do you think Taiwan needs to try harder or make improvements.
2. Which aspect of the working environment do you feel causes the most problems or displays the most need for improvement.
3. Which aspect of the living environment do you feel causes the most problems or displays the most need for improvement. (Sound trucks comes immediately to mind.)
4. What should be enhanced or improved for Taiwan to attract foreign talents to work or provide service in Taiwan.

Please let me know in Comments if there is anything our reader(s) think should be included.

Taiwan's PR Campaign for WHO Membership

The Economist-W.H.O.
Originally uploaded by haruntaichung.

Here's the ad in The Economist that Taiwan's government ran supporting the R.O.C. entry in W.H.O. (actually I think they only were trying for W.H.A., which is the observer group.) W.H.A. members include such places as Tokelau, pop. 1,750.

Alas, Taiwan with 23 million people still isn't allowed membership. The ad itself seems okay - the little girl is really cute - but could have been punchier and used bigger text.

Bonus quiz: what country ignored international law and unilaterally sent assistance to Taiwan during SARS?

a. European Union
b. Canada
c. France
d. United States

THE HOT TEA PJ

Attention Taichung Homeless: Local entrepreneur and new philanthropist, PJ, has good news. On nights when he attempts to become a 5'10" margarita-filled skin sack, PJ raises the metal gate, opens the doors and turns on the lights and AC for the less fortunate and the very thirsty. Walking-around money and frosty, adult beverages are behind the bar. Unsure? A little bit wary? No need. PJ will be close by in his hammock keeping an eye on his unconsciousness and an arm securely locked around a case of Guinness. Warm Guinness! Not at my bar! There are plenty of cold ones in the fridge, my man!

The International Food Fair, or something like that, will be Sunday, May 22 at Sogo. Bands - blah, blah, blah, food - Ho hum, and CHILI - YIPPIE! will be available. That's right. Stop by PJ's stand and you can choose from 3 types of chili: mine; Mama PJ's Traditional New Jersey Chili and Duane's Canadian Chili Surprise, Eh? Along with this most excellent fare, PJ will be serving margaritas (YooHoo! Homeless!).

This is but a warm-up for bigger things. According to Publisher-for-Life, Amcham Jack, there's going to be a big ol', good ol', genuine chili cook-off. The annual 4th-on-the-2nd, Monday-on-a-Saturday, Park-in-the-Mall Generic Day Celebration will provide a forum for all chiliheads to show-off or just mouth-off.
Organizer: Amcham
Coordinator: Amcham Jack
Last Thing I Heard Amcham Jack Say: I will win this. I will win this...
All interested parties wishing to compete for 2nd and 3rd place, as usual, please bug Amcham Jack for more details.

.22 to play free show tonight

I got a text from DJ Steve saying that today is Pete's brother Marty's birthday and in celebration they will be playing a free show tonight at 89K along with other guests. Kind of a hump day birthday party. If you haven't seen these guys play go check them out. Should be a great show.

Country music fans! I haven't seen them play yet but there's now a country band in town called BAKED BEANS. Both Steve and Pete are in the lineup along with Nick, formerly of the Black Lung Inner City Choir, and Sean who plays a mean banjo and guitar. I'm told there's also a violinist or fiddler of some kind but I don't know who it is. If anyone knows post a comment. I'm speculating a possible appearance tonight with 2/5ths of the band already there. Word of mouth only so tell your live music fan friends...

North Korea to hold Cannonball Run

It is one of the most secretive regimes in the world, part of George Bush's "axis of evil" and is believed to be close to building a nuclear arsenal. Next year, however, North Korea will open its borders to an eclectic mix of models, showbusiness personalities and captains of industry taking part in the real-life version of Hollywood's Cannonball Run.

The Gumball Rally, a 3,000-mile high-speed dash by more than 100 millionaires driving an assortment of Porsches, Ferraris and Aston Martins, has gained unprecedented permission to travel through the Communist country.

This year's race in Europe attracted "the models Caprice and Jodie Kidd, and Darryl Hannah, the actress, who is driving a pink Range Rover."

I wonder if Kim Jong-Il has seen the movie (he's supposed to be a big movie fan.) Maybe he can convince Burt Reynolds to drive a truck of Coors all the way from HeiLongJiang into Pyongyang for the race finale? I'm sure Burt would enjoy outwitting local police and border guards armed with AK-47s.

SPOILER: Kim Jong-Il will participate in the race and will undoubtedly come in first place. Evidence here, and here. I think it's more than just genes, but his diet.

"What do I do about this ear hair?"

"What do I do about this ear hair?"
RED A & THE J HOLE

I'm not to sure what's going on here but I seem to remember John filing a restraining order shortly thereafter.

***Breaking News***

We just had some kind of election in Taiwan, according to Yahoo News.

I wonder if they're lying, since I didn't hear any sound trucks last week. (keep scrolling for a whole list of Taiwan noises and when they occur - warning: the actual sound files suck.)

I also missed the bottle rocket barrages, loudspeaker shouts of "bai tuo bai tuo", and the obligatory fliers thrown willy nilly on my car.

Apparently this was kind of an important election, but I like the toned down campaigns...How can me make sure all elections are this under-publicized, under-advertised, and boring?

P.s. the whole MondoTaiwan website is pretty funny.

Yogi says it best

A page of Yogi. You gotta love that guy.

***Breaking News***

From the Washington Post, apparently China has changed it's One China policy as follows:

In a joint communique issued after a two-hour meeting in the cavernous Great Hall of the People, Hu and James Soong, a Taiwanese opposition leader, endorsed a new formulation of the mainland government's long-standing position that cross-strait talks can begin only after Taiwan acknowledges it is part of "one China." Under the new language, Hu effectively agreed to open talks if Taiwan accepted the principle of "two shores, one China" while acknowledging that the two sides might differ on precisely what that term meant.

Now, I think it's critical Taiwan move fast to define which shore we prefer:

This one?

or this one?

Side note: Should this sway our thinking? I'm sure Karl and Cynthia would be swayed.

All I know is that I really, really want to be able to fly direct to China. HURRY MR. CHEN!

Are you fragile, vulnerable and lonely?

In an article entitled Animals to get official status in French civil code a Monsieur Perben (assumed to be a homo sapiens) claims that pets

accompany man throughout his life, especially those men and women who are the most fragile, vulnerable and lonely,

Isn't that sort of a backhand way of saying those who own pets are "the most fragile, vulnerable, and lonely?"

J-Hole, Kevlar, and Stoney must have been trying to tell us something for a long time, but I never understood until the French government official enlightened me. Hey, guys, you can cry on my shoulder anytime, no need for the animal as emotional crutch. Lose the pet and become a strong, stable, and popular guy!

Bald Titty descendend from Royalty

Is it just me, or is there a resemblance to Bald Titty?

Quiz on Abu Ghraib

This is mainly for Bread. The quiz.

and the NY Times latest on the incident.

If you read the NY Times article you might still be mad at Rummy - he must have ordered Graner to marry Ambuhl rather than England...I mean, it's all ordered from the top, right?

Sweat and Pee: Sexy or Stinky?

It depends on who you are. Article in NY Times.

(Karl, if you find yourself suddenly joining a gym or sniffing armpits, I think you can stop with the internet quizzes.)

Ryan

Ryan
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

Lunch was good

Before and After

phone pics cat 026
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

Attempt to post wonderful after pictures.

Excerpts from my school's 57th anniversary party Saturday:

Script: Vocational School (graduating students)! Your the smartest!
Actual words: Vocational School! See you next year!

Script: Co-host - John, can you guess how many students have graduated from I-Ning in these
57 years?
Me - 30,000?
Actual words: Me - Uh, two?

Script: (Presenting a bouquet of flowers to the chairman's mother) The first leaf represents
nurturing. The second represents love. And the third represents selflessness.
Actual words: The first leaf represents honesty. The second represents chastity. And the third
represents vigilance against the Turks.

Script: Everybody get HIGH!
Actual words: Everybody get HIGH!

Housework, school work and $49NT draft beer have conspired against me to limit my blogging recently. Two have been taken care of, and the third is fixin to take care of me. As a rule, home improvement will suck. The rule remains unbroken. We now have a deck in the front part of our "yard" and new paint - again - in the living room and kitchen. The deck unites the sidewalk and the grass. No more stepping in or over the gutter. Some, mainly Canadianers, will say that the deck is slanted. I say "Ha!", it's just a trompe l'oeil using the crafty technique of raising one side higher than the other. In any case, Canadianers will not be allowed to touch or utilize anything wooden at my house.

The painting was left to true experts. The last pair of painters were not considered this time because they were too drunk at KTV to come and bid. Instead we hired the electrician. He turned out to do the best job of anybody. The living room is very important to my wife and her work. Therefore, she secured the services of a Taiwanese interior designer (Please shudder here). She suggested either a pale, industrial green or a "safe" corn silk yellow. "Safe" for everybody but Col. Mustard. Apparently he and his kin have been exploded onto our living room walls. Which just goes to show you, Taiwanese interior designers are like gas barbecues-nonexistent. The kitchen color was left to me. Under orders to lighten up the room a bit (from white?), I choose a light sky blue. Which it turns out, is perfect for when Barbie and her friends come for tea. Which just goes to show you, I would have made a helluva Taiwanese interior designer.

Word from the Oracle is that A.I.T. will set up a small consular office in the library at Taichung Park. Initially, it will serve only as a reference room for those interested in going to the States. But, we have been assured that it will provide the same services the mothership provides in Taibei. Give credit to Amcham Jack. Hooray! Okay? See, there's credit. Apparently he pushed the a-holes in Taibei into this. Once-a-month service at Morrison has been stopped for about 8 months. No more long drive and putting up with the barely sentient help. It's only a few minutes away.

Jamie and Jeff will host an open-mike at PJ's on Sundays beginning next week. Musicians are welcome to come and join in. Spoken-word freaks, DJs and didgeridoo players are not.

Dr. Pepper and Mountain Dew. Now, very near my house on Zhong Min Nan Road, three doors down from the Sinon. $30NT a can AND buy 5 get 1 free. Derek! I'm givin you the Finga!

I don't want to keep posting

But this deserves it.

Penelope Cruz & Salma Hayek as lesbians.

I...I...I...don't know what to say, except:

YEEEEEEEAH BABY!

I can't believe PJ closed on Cinco de Mayo

I mean, he supposedly has the best Mexican food in Taichung, and he closes on Cinco de Mayo? and NO, I don't buy that "visa run" story for a minute.

Also, Cinco de Mayo is not Mexico's national day, but instead celebrates a Mexican victory over a French army in 1862.

Living a long time in Taiwan – the con column

1. Sound trucks. Jack hammers. Matsu processions. At 7:00 a.m.
2. Return home at age 65 to find Social Security bankrupt. WTF?!
3. The wife you inevitably find here likes to watch Korean soap operas.
4. “Canadian invasion” forces you to learn their geography and “culture.”
5. Could live long enough to see Ma Ying-jeou president of Taiwan.
6. Lots of stinky Tofu.
7. Watching your friends join you in a slow descent into insanity.
8. Losing at poker week after week – why can’t Bread ever fold in Cross?
9. Heineken overdose forces you to import microbrew beer yourself.
10. You might buy a car – along with the ensuing parking nightmare.

Bonus: Enjoy the look of shock and surprise when people find out you’ve been here since they were in Junior High!

Double Bonus: End up learning new romanization systems every couple of years.

Living a long time in Taiwan – the pro column

1. Terry Schiavo coverage was basically nil.
2. Not having to care about Social Security going bankrupt.
3. Cannot vote for American Idol.
4. Unaware of last three Canadian election results.
5. Could live long enough to see Lien Chan step down from head of KMT.
6. Liang Mien for breakfast. I love that stuff. with Tabasco.
7. Watching your friends join you in a slow descent into insanity.
8. Lots of pork.
9. Can enjoy watching egg tart craze replaced with donut craze.
10. Chance to be the first person to see J-hole buy a cell phone.

Bonus: All those going away parties for people who are back in 6 months.

Do you despise vegetarians?

This guy shows a way to show your love.

J-hole, I think this is something you would do, for sure.

Meanwhile, I apologize for all the lame little posts.

Islamic Republic of Texas, Part II

Dry counties, Birka wearing cheerleaders...now this!

What's next? Mandatory 9:00 p.m. lights out?

PJ will be guest blogging

For a taste, click here.

A couple of more serious links

Genocide in Darfur.

Confessions from Iraq.

Islamic Republic of Texas

It begins.

Ever read a lame "style" article?

How PR firms guide newspaper content.

Very interesting.