Chips

The first one comes from Doritos. Tai-Ke flavored Doritos. Yes, Tai-Ke. I expected to find betel nut and Mild Seven listed in the ingredients, but did not. The actual flavor is stir-fried clams ( Tai-Ke comfort food, I guess. My wife gave an emphatic Yes! when I told her about it. She also said the chips do have a bit of the stir-fried clam taste.) Here's a instructional video in Mandarin and Taiwanese teaching you how to make the clams. Even if you don't speak either of the languages, it's pretty easy to follow. After you heat the oil ( he uses salad oil, peanut oil is also widely used), add the garlic, chilies and ginger together. Then come the clams, rice wine, soy sauce paste, barbecue paste, a little water if needed, basil and sesame oil in sequence.

Next is a Japanese chip from Calbee: Mexican chile-flavored potato chips. Looks okay. The ingredients look normal: potatoes, salt, chile powder...

Hey! What is Senor Chile holding in his hand?

I hope that this is only the first in a series of chips with regional themes.

TaiKe Round-up from the Taipei Times

Maybe next year, you'll go.

Outside the main stage, poll-dancing girls fired up the dampened taike crowd with their exposed buttocks and tricks that included rubbing their mammalian protuberances on a male audience member's face. Not before long, the slightly X-rated show caught the attention of local police who issued a warning against the indecent public acts. The resourceful girls upped the ante with a three-way wrestling bout. A happy ending for everyone, except, perhaps, taimei feminists, if that's not an oxymoron, and taike gays.

I thought I was the only one who still said mammalian protuberances.

Taichung City TaiKe Tourism Season 台中市台客觀光季

April showers bring...what is it again? Oh, yeah - TaiKe Rock 'n Roll! Taichung has designated May as TaiKe Tourism Season (Chinese link). What is TaiKe? Let Red A answer. What is TaiKe Tourism Season? Let the city government explain: The Season coordinates multiple life and recreational arts in the City into the delicate presentation of all-aspects and colorful innovations.

Who cares about - or understands - that? May 5th and 6th will see the main attraction of the Season. TaiKe rock featuring Wu Bai and China Blue (English Wu Bai site, and a Chinese one - sign up required). Look at the dude. He is TaiKe. I freely admit I love the guy and band. I used to listen and learn the lyrics so I could sing along until someone took (or hid) my CD. Here's a video of a typical Wu Bai Taiwanese song. And here is a classic, not his, but his cover is the most famous. This is the song that I sang to my wife, the lovely Petra Sue Lynch, when I proposed to her over the telephone from the States - Love You 10,000 Years (愛你一萬年). The video has the lyrics. Learn them and impress your Taiwanese spouse or whoever needs impressing.

P.S. - Garland, I want you to watch the Love You 10,000 Years video and give me your opinion. Tell me what you think, you won't hurt my feelings cause if you don't like it I'll say you're wrong.

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And now, a joke. First in Chinese and then in English with explanation (mandatory of all Chinese-language jokes for non-native speakers).

為什麼800壯士變成300壯士?

因為伍佰跑到去開演唱會 (You may now laugh.)

Why did the 800 warriors become the 300 warriors?

Because Wu Bai left to give a concert.

Explanation: The 800 warriors are China's version of the Spartan 300. In 1937 a group of 800 Chinese soldiers withstood thousands of Japanese for four days as the invasion of Shanghai began.

Wu Bai (伍佰), the singer mentioned above, has the same pronunciation as the characters for the number 500 (五百).

Get it? Did you laugh? I didn't. But every Taiwanese that I've told the joke to did laugh - about 5 people. It was originally told to me by my 6th-grade student and I don't know if she was repeating a joke she heard or if she made it up.