Codswallop

I had to look it up. Apparently it means "nonsense" or "rubbish". I'm some glad I'm not Kevlar right now.

Brit Paul to Kevlar - "Bugger your codswallop! I'll assimilate your arse!

Brit Paul to Kevlar - "Bugger your codswallop! I'll assimilate your arse!

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WARNING: Queen's English in Use!

Brit Paul (aka Android) issued this video threat to Kevlar in response to the posting of Brit Paul's tribute to Madonna two years ago in El Nido, Philippines. It seems his primary complaint is that the full video was not shown and selectively edited, thus depriving B.P. of his well earned fame and a chance to rub shoulders with the Two Williams ( Shatner and Hung).

While the date for the showdown is still under discussion, local pundits have already opined about probable tactics and strategies.

• Kevlar - look for him to rely on strong carpentry skills to quickly assemble a rocking chair for B.P. and go for a first-strike, coma-inducing talk about that still-pretty-good-piece-of-pressboard-in-the-alley-that-nobody-wants-and-could-be-turned-into-something.
• Brit Paul/Android - holds the definite technological advantage. Meticulous and plodding, will not rush into an attack but rather plans on abrading Kevlar into surrender. Possible ploys are downloading and showing of director's cut of Home Improvement episodes and/or persuading Kevlar that his GPS unit can locate any abandoned wood or metal scraps in a 1 kilometer radius. Kevlar immediately forgets challenge to begin hoarding - forfeits.

Throwing Ax

Throwing Ax

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The boys in the north found something to kill time. The weather and space doesn't slow them down.

Didja hear the one about...

...the politician who couldn't speak very well? Of course you have. However, this time it's not the one you think. Strip away any political content and watch and listen to Senator Clinton stumble through her conference. I knew she wasn't telling a joke, but her delivery was like a first-timer at open-mike night at a comedy club. Then compare that with Mayor Ma Ying-Jeou (in the post below) - a non-native English speaker - and you have to deem him the better English speaker in a video-to-video matchup. If you would like even more atrocious public speaking, just wait for Smokey's or Kevlar's next video.

Ma the Yo-Yo

Taipei mayor and chairman of the KMT, Ma Ying-Jeou, appeared on the BBC's Hardtalk program February 21st (full 22 minute video). This came during his February Euro-tour and after the printing of an ad in The Liberty Times ( a pan-green, pro-independence Taiwanese newspaper) that contained this:

The KMT firmly believes that, in keeping with the spirit of democracy, there are many options for Taiwan's future, be it reunification, independence or the status quo. It is necessary that the choice be made by the people.

Well, the KMT had to scamper to equivocate away any possible real meaning being attached to the ad, which by the way was approved by Ma. The KMT basically stated that it was the will of the people which would determine Taiwan's fate and, oh yeah, the KMT gets to decide which people are people and that fate doesn't include independence.

Enter Pan Wei-kang, a KMT legislative caucus whip, to further clarify: she stressed that independence is only an option for the Taiwan people but not for the KMT.

Okay, I'd buy that for a dollar!

Watch the video and ponder:

• When did Mayor Ma stop singing for Roxy Music?
• The Taiwan Anti-Secession (中國反分裂法) law was not anything new, no big deal, except he had to loudly protest publicly, but still it's nothing. No! Yes! No! Yes! No times infinity!
• Around minute 13:20 he calls twice-failed presidential candidate Lian Zhan "President Lian Zhan." Correct?
• International space ( China's belief that there is only one China and that Taiwan is part of that, I believe, is what he means) is the naughtiest issue we (Taiwan) face. Naughtiest? Oooh! Watch out China! He's gonna call a time-out and send you to your room.

The host, Stephen Sackur, never really gets hard, maybe just functionally firm, with Ma. I think that Ma's planting of his feet firmly on both sides of the fence would just further obfuscate the already confusing Taiwan issue for those who do not actively follow it. If you are one of the aforementioned, watch the video and let me know if it helped you understand the issue.

The Deported Live in the Canal

The Deported Live in the Canal

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"COME WITH ME, I'M ON MY WAY, TO THE CANNIBAL CAFE!"

In response to Red A's Deported post, here's THE DEPORTED LIVE IN THE CANAL, Halloween '04, Taichung City, Taiwan. They got to play for about 6 minutes before the cops showed up. Entire set included.

 

Elnindo nonsense 3rd try

Elnindo nonsense 3rd try

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k counting, r and b drinking, bp doing a dance

The Deported

I've never seen this band live. I only saw them play on video.

But they were playing in the Canal.

Check out their web-site.

Onion Torture

Onion Torture

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Springtime 2003, Taichung Taiwan, Texas Embassy. R and J give K a lesson on how to properly dice an onion.

Beijing Restaurant Review

Read it yourself.

Canadian Goodness: "Canadian seal penis costs a hefty $517 and requires ordering in advance."

Cool stuff, cool place

An Air conditoner (Daikin. Japanese?) that makes the air cool or... hot. I guess that makes it some kind of air exchanger. Anyway it was awesome on the chilly mountain evening. B and B in Nan Jwon Maioli county. Run by a school teacher in the mountains with lots of hiking trails. It was a really relaxing place to visit. Kaia and I on the elderly people trekking slope. She had a wonderful time with the greenery.

World Baseball Classic

Considering the treatment Taiwanese athletic teams usually receive, at least this option isn't physically invasive.

Valentine's Day is Over!

BRING ON THE LESBIAN LAP DANCES FEATURING A CELEBRITY'S SISTER!

I had a cool link to Ganoderma coffee which should appeal to the J-Hole who liked the Ganoderma beer, but it's actually a weird informercial.

This is why Taiwanese culture doesn't accept women who drive real motorcycles instead of scooters. Because it makes the male Civic drivers who spin out of control lose face.

Canadian Goodness #3: Okay, it's not good news, but it's something I saw while looking for good news and it's about a Canadian drug dealer busted by Taiwan's coast guard.

Mathieu James Forand was arrested last August by the Taiwanese Coast Guard after they found cocaine, marijuana and ecstasy pills in hollowed-out English textbooks.

Canadian law enforcement praises Taiwan and there is a quote from "Ben Glickman, the co-owner of Footprints Recruiting, which regularly sends Canadian teachers to Taiwan:"

I think the primary thing to me is that it really points to a kind of a cultural arrogance that I think that some individuals have that coming from a North American country – whether it be Canada or the States – that you have some sort of immunity

Back in "the day," we called such brokers "pimps" but that was before Pimp arrived. Yeah, and they were self-righteous back then too. I bet this Gleekmann creep has his new recruits bringing bales of BC Bud into Taiwan via hollowed out textbooks.

Personally I prefer the gay cowgirls

So, I will skip Brokeback Mountain and wait for Bandidas.

I think the name could be changed though...sounds like a brand of band-aids put out by Adidas.

Pro-Canadian Stuff No. 2: Canadian loonie soon to reach parity with US dollar. Hollywood scrambling to replace worn jokes involving absurd exhange rates. Also, I suspect a strong loonie is good for people sending money back from Taiwan, no? I suggest you guys spread the wealth and buy a round or two at FuBar, Taichung's only lesbian cowgirl bar.

CORRECTION: As Stoney points out in the comments, as the Loonie gets stronger, it takes more NT$ to buy it, thus the Canadianers getting paid in NT$ are worse off Loonie-wise. I guess I should buy poor Stoney a beer for his help...and since it involved math and economics I guess I should pony up for a Stella Artois instead of a Bar beer.

J Hole ♥ Calista

Thanks to Fu-Bars excellent grand opening party I learned that the J-Hole likes Calista Flockheart. Here are some shots of her to give the J-Hole some new "alone time" material. The one on the right is the latest shot of Calista from the UK's Sun.

p.s. In attempt to show Duane that I do not *hate* Canada, I will now promise to include one pro-Canadian stuff with each new post.

Pro-Canadian Stuff No. 1:

Calista Flockhart is not Canadian. Pamela Anderson OTOH is Canadian.

It is a lighter, cup holder and ashtray

It fits into an empty computer slot. internet cafes need these things. phone China quick

I should be buying a house, but I want this.

It is an ultra light aircraft. It costs about 25000 Cdn pessos. I can't fly one but what the hec.

Fu Bar's Grand Opening

Fu Bar's Grand Opening

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Fresh video from Taichung City, Taiwan. Sandy persuaded me to take the camera out last night to D-Wayne's grand opening party. Here's some of what I saw. Attention Bread, if your ears were burnin' last night it's b/c no one could stop talking about you. To the cast, yer cheques are in the mail.

Sandy and the Mayor

Sandy and the Mayor

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This is the first of Sandy's three meetings -that I'm aware of- with recently re-elected mayor of Taichung, Jason Hu.

 

FuBar

Grand Opening, well, Pretty Good Opening, today, 6 pm. Come on down for free burgers and hot dogs, cheap drinks, and IJ body shots. Six Nations Rugby at 9:30

Why Brad Pitt left Jen. Aniston

I think this photo explains it.

Lest We Forget

I Miss Bread

Currently rumoured to be journeying overland from Spain to the Far East...

Public Service Announcement

For all the boobies you can stand to look at, try this fark spin off.

Reason Canadianers have to pay such high tax rates appears to be these guys.

Should we be worried about being busted for activities we post on our blog? I told Mr. Lawrence (School Principal, Ret.) to check out the blog and make sure Stoney wasn't up to any bad shit, but can we trust anyone in Canada's public service to work more than 9 minutes a day?

Who does this remind you of?

Watch this poker video...

which player in Taiwan does it remind you of?

Answer in the comments please.

Getting Better

Pink Riders 44
Longhorns 65

That's their best effort yet! Congratulations J-Hole, by the time the conference tournament comes around your boys may be able to carry the UT jock straps after all.

****Breaking News*****

Ivo's first full sentence reported to be "Yep, when I grow up I wanna be just like my dad, Stoney." And really, who could blame the boy?

Superbowl Odds

Well, I guess for those at home, the Big Show is about to begin, of course for us here in Taiwan the Party begins tommorrow morning. I'll be there early in the morning and not so drunk this time. (until later)

As I know one of the boys down at the bar will be doing his best (j-hole) to bring some interesting odds to the bar, I thought I'd provide everyone with a link to some humourous odds, as well as share some of the highlights.

Superbowl Odds.......

9:1 odds than in an attempt to compliment Seattles' offensive line someone will say they open bigger gaps than the one in Shawn Alexander's teeth.

2:1 odds that there is a sign that reads "The bus stops in Detroit!"

25:1 odds that wr and 3rd string QB Antwan Randle El throws a trick play touchdown pass, causing Kordell Stewart to weep softly somewhere.

Anyways, here is a link to the rest of the odds .

Not sure who I'm cheering for, but........
It's going to be a great game, and I'm ready for some football!

Super Bowl

It's a Monday morning Party!! Super Bowl at FuBar. Door opens at 6:30, game starts at 7ish. Breakfast, Super Squares, prizes and the best Caesar at the far end of Soho St. Come help Jerry celebrate or watch a grown man cry in his beer. For those poor souls who have to work (Philly), will have a replay at 6 pm Monday night.

Ah-Doh-Ga?

Do any of you old timers know the story behind this little place on Tai Yuan Rd?

More Cartoons

Check out political cartoons from all over the world.

Urine Drinkers

I often make fun of the Taiwanese penchant for drinking urine. (Actually, I think there would be a market in Taiwan for a lightly carbonated urine drink "made from 100% pure baby urine.")

But apparently urine drinking is not just popular in the inscrutable Orient anymore. It is now finding new adherents in Florida of all places.

Urine drinker booted from job as crossing guard

Anyone dare do a google search for "urine therapy?" But for God's sake don't tell PJ that it will cleanse out his dead nose flesh! From the Skeptic's Dictionary:

Most devotees drink the midstream of their morning urine. Some prefer it straight and steaming hot; others mix it with juice or serve it over fruit. Some prefer a couple of urine drops mixed with a tablespoon of water applied sublingually several times a day. Some wash themselves in their own golden fluid to improve their skin quality. Many modern Japanese women are said to engage in urine bathing. The truly daring use their own urine as an enema. Urine is not quite the breakfast of champions, but it is the elixir of choice of a number of holy men in India where drinking urine has been practiced for thousands of years.

350 million more Canadians born overnight

Europeans traveling abroad are now joining that time honored tradition of having Canadian flags sewn onto their rucksacken and les backpacks to avoid being recognized as Europeans.

Outrage over caricatures of the Prophet Muhammad escalated in the Arab and Islamic world Thursday, with Palestinian gunmen briefly kidnapping a German citizen and protesters in Pakistan chanting "death to France" and "death to Denmark."

Here is a link to the offending cartoons. Oops sorry. Here's the real link.

One final cartoon which seems to be saying that swiss cheese is made by worms.

Personally, I am more angered and upset that this guy actually got paid for his "artwork."

Barbecue blog

At 12:30 this afternoon I put a 6 lb. pork shoulder on the barbecue. Should be ready around 5:00. Around 5:30 I will take a good size portion over to FuBar for people to sample. In between bastings I will catch you up on my trip to Puerto Galera and more important stuff. Meanwhile, I will leave you with this - the Asahi beer storing/pouring robot. A rip-off because the contest to win one of the robots is only open to those in Japan. English John, I call on you to drink the 36 beers for us and win Robot-san for us.

1:33 - You gotta tend your fire. Thought I had it stabilized, but it rose up to almost 300F in ten minutes. Hopefully it didn't dry it out much.

My favorite signs from the Philippines:

• Vulcanize - Evidently every person and their pets can vulcanize whatever might needed to be vulcanized.
• BJ Eatery - For some reason, they don't look too kindly on the possessive S, or at least I hope that's the case here.
• Cossack Vodka
• James-licious fried chicken - I know I've taught that word before.

windmills

Hey Rye Guy

When did you become just Rye? Seems like Ivo's been manipulating the controls again, better get that fixed before we rechristen the Stoney once and for all.

Map your experiences

Found this cool link which finally encouraged me to actually count how many countries I've been to. It will generate a map which shades in the countries you've visited, though be warned. I was certain I had visited more than 27% of the countries on the list (Taiwan is included!), but the facts speak differently. I need to spend more time in Europe and the Caribbean apparently. What I can't figure out is why Taiwan and Palestine are included (as is Western Sahara), but the Turkish Republic of North Cyprus is not. Only W.S. is recognized by the UN (not sure about Palestine's status these days), yet they lack a government, are ruled by Morocco (when Algeria isn't bombing them) and don't have a seat at the table. Strange. I'm bumping myself up to 28% on account of having been there.

Live from Club Manila

3:38 PM

$10 measly bucks. That's all it takes if you are at the Manila International Airport departure area. Go to the 4th floor, pay your $10 and enter Club Manila. For this you get, a mini-buffet, open bar ( beer, Gilbey's, Absolut, Johnny Walker, wine and dark rum). Also included is a scalp massage, 15 minutes of Internet usage - though they do have wi-fi, baggage storage and showers to use with towels provided. I mean, 10 bucks! That's a Coke and a newspaper at most airports. They also keep an eye on your plane for you in case you have been taking advantage of the facilities. We leave in an hour. See some of yall tonight.