Punish This Man

This French guy in Taipei dares to have a Flickr account full of photos of hot women.

Punish him by visiting his photostream and bleaching out the pixels by looking at each one thereby destroying his photos.

Oh, yeah past the first page or two it looks like he stopped taking shots of hot chicks and instead focused on temples and what not. WTF? Nicolas, we expected more from you. More lesbian ninja types that is.

With a Heineken in each hand

We say goodbye this week to another friend, English John. A Manchesterite(?) who came to Taichung via Japan, John will be returning to Japan to work in hopes of erasing his mind of anything French as he first drives across France and through Frenchmen ( Well America, there you have it, Frankenstein has just been attacked by the French Air Force and he's whipped their derrieres! ). Known by all to wear only black or gallbladder-bile green -EXCEPT THE DAY I TAKE THE PHOTO - John is capable of expressing all 2 emotions (gentle disdain and exasperation) in the same mellifluous monotone. He is also quite the braniac, making the jump from peon to the Man at his company while working more and receiving less. We will all miss him, but more so, his earnest questions to PJ such as, " PJ? When you undo you hair, that's called a mullet, isn't it?" You be the judge. Adios.

Increasing our site hits one contributor at a time. Yep. We're getting another one. And he shall be known as the Badass of Bling, the Lothario of the Lay-Dees, the Aquila Vomitio, He Shall Be Known As PIMP!

For Karl - GangMen Dui (Gāng Mén Duì, 肛門隊)

For Red A - I'll have you know that NO ONE relies on PJ for the NFL. We rely on beer-starved, cash-strapped Canadianers we can bribe with one beer to work the VCR. While you are limited to ESPN, we - our Canadianer lackeys, that is - will be downloading the games and putting them on DVD. We are also earning quite a few credits during our internships that can be applied to degrees in Restaurant and Hotel Management: Taiwan / Burkina Faso.

Taiwanese Innovalue

Okay, so the photo is from Japan, but I've seen the same thing here in Taichung, and I'm certain it's a Taiwanese invention not Japanese.

Who else could combine a love of gambling, seafood, and sedentary shrimp fishing into one machine?

Of course, the losers in Taiwan's government would never consider giving this product it's Innovalue award.

This also reminds me of the 69 Across song Dreamcatcher. Man that guitarist was H-O-T! Oh well, she's probably married with a kid or two by now, LOL!

Correction in purple thanks to Bread.

Teacher's Day

Confucious

Mea Friggin' Culpa

You can watch one program on the disc while you're recording another. Or, you can start watching a program, before the program has even finished recording. This is called "time slipping".

Okay, so I wasn't doing this exactly, though let it be known that I CAN do this.

Sheeeet, I can be recording the night's sitcoms while watching the un-cut morning edition of Monday Night Football.

In other words, that may be more suitable for a guy who doesn't know how to work a cell phone, I DON'T RELY ON P.J. FOR MY N.F.L.

Here's what he should be looking into...I think I saw this at FNAC for less then NT$ 20,000. Heck, if a couple of you regulars talk to him, maybe he'll let you pay a month's tab in the form of a modern electronic device that would allow him to safely record NFL games with minimum disturbance - he just needs to program it once for most of the season.

Or I guess you could bang on his door at 7:29 a.m. every Monday morning and hand him a fresh VHS tape...and BTW, no knocks on PJ - I wouldn't enjoy sending people off at 1:00 a.m. on Sunday and have to get up to load a tape the next morning.

PJ Attempts to hit for the cycle tonight

Expect large crowds tonight at PJ's as he attempts to hit for the VCR cycle. While many others can go 2-4 ( inability to set time and use timer function), PJ is already three-fourths of the way to tonight's anticipated home run. A recap of his first three appearances and a prediction for tonight:

1. Sunday night football game - K.C. vs. Oakland: Tape runs out in third quarter with score 13-10. Forgot to rewind tape and added 1 hour of Prime Time to tape before taping the game.
2. Monday Night Football - Dallas vs. Washington: Tape again runs out in the third quarter with Dallas leading 13-0. Final score 14-13, Washington. Used same tape, confused with the SP and EP play functions on the remote.
3. Sunday night football - New York vs. San Diego: Tapes only the 2nd half, after LD's halfback pass for a TD. Didn't understand that you don't need to be able to read Chinese to distinguish between colors. Cables connected into the wrong ports.
4. Monday Night Football - K.C. vs. Denver: Prediction - He will tape only the 1st and 3rd quarters or a full 2 hours of the lingerie channel.

On Sunday, I lightly chastised Bo and Jerry for not filling out their roster in fantasy football (look down about 4 posts). On Monday I realized that I had 2 players on bye weeks, leaving me with only 9 players. The results just came in and the GangMen Dui squirted out a 119-73 victory. I also won the weekly pool for most points and am now in sole possession of first place. The other guys gotta be hating me right now. More boring stats next week, if I win.

Willie Does Reggae

You gotta love Willie Nelson. I haven't always been into him but as I age the more comforting his music becomes to me. How can a country bumpkin like Willie do reggae? Well, when it comes right down to it, Willie and the Rastas share more in common than you might believe at first glance. He covers Jimmy Cliff's "Sitting In Limbo" and "The Harder They Come" as well as some of his own classics like "I've Just Destroyed The World I'm Living In", and "Darkness On The Face Of The Earth". The bitter "One In A Row" and the old lament "I'm A Worried Man" are also worth checking out. I'm not gonna say it rocks but it definitely sways. Good fun.

Update on a Tigga'

Some of you readers (that's you Karl) might recall a student of mine who thought he was a black guy in a Taiwanese shell. He sent me a link to his blog and I have included it on the Nis side. It's mostly in Chinese, but there is some English floating around which should duly illustrate his African roots.

*the link on the right seems to be down, but I am quite sure of the address I put in the template. Somebody want to check it out?

9 month old IVO

Ivo Blackwell is 9 months and a day old today. He's got 2 teeth to his name and has a smorgasboard of delicacies on which he can chow down. He's standing on his own and we've begun to further baby proof the homestead due to this lightning fast crawling technique he's developed...

Steak, Beer and Football

Saturday shopping in Taichung yielded a couple of frozen U.S. Angus New York strips at $800NT for a kilo. Bo and I happened into a mom-and-pop in search of an frosty, adult beverage when we saw what we thought was definitely the find-of-the-week: Beer Green Tea. We thought, Beer and green tea? Gotta try it. Our glee was short-lived after returning home and reading the can more carefully. 0.5%. Good for shandy-sipping Oregonians and Commander Cardy, but we quickly purged the remnants and moved on to some stronger rice water.

Announcement. The GangMen Dui, Fantasy football's most talked-about, hottest team and dawggonit, the best thing to ever hit fantasy sports since nutballs have been boring the rest of the planet with stats talk since its inception, pummeled last year's champs, Strongbows Cider ( not link worthy). The near doubling of his score has moved the very tight GangMen Dui into a share of the lead and second in overall scoring. Expect more of the same as this week I go up against Bo and Jerry, who despite being third from last in points, think they need to only play 10 men to beat me.

Oh, yeah. I have changed my email settings in the profile to reflect the only email I now use. So Frenchie and D-Wayne, stop your carping about me never answering emails.

In Texas

I am still taking photos using 7 megapixels and haven't bothered to re-size my photos. I use up my Flickr allotted space with 2-3 photos. Guess that's why I have only 30 something and Kevlar has 90 something (all of which have appeared on the blog, I think). Anyhoo, that's why it's taken me, uh...,cipher a sec...uh...2 months to get up a group of photos from my trip back home. Click here for the set. I'll put links here cause I'm unable to do it at Flickr.

• Wind Power Center
• Bandera, Texas
• Medina Apple Festival
• 4th on Broadway - Lubbock, Texas

Hurricane Rita is approaching Texas and Louisiana. My brother, his wife, my niece and nephew live in Kingwood, which is about 23 miles from downtown Houston and 55 miles from the ocean. If past hurricanes are any indicator, Kingwood will not flood as badly as Houston but will suffer more from fallen trees, it being in a forest. I've had conflicting reports from my family about their status but I think due to the huge crush of traffic and shortage of gas, they will be staying. I would ask that any smart-ass that thinks it would be a good time to show off their wit and try to score any political points by commenting on the traffic, gas, preparedness...not. I have about 10 other family members relocating in other parts of Texas as I write. Bread's father is also in Houston and I do not know his status. I had about the same number of family in Mississippi who suffered severe damage from Katrina. If you would like to discuss it later, catch me at my waterin' hole. In the meantime, my family and I pray for all. Hope you can do the same.

Agree or Disagree?

Read this essay.

Agree or Disagree in the comments.




p.s. Check out what happens if you try to purse snatch an Asian woman.

Something Useful for a Change

I'm cleaning my desk today, and I found some conversion rates for Taiwanese measurements:

1 ping is approximately 36 square feet or 3.3 square meters.

1 Taiwanese Inch is about 3 cm. A Taiwanese foot is 30 cm.

WARNING: This is from a random piece of paper on my desk, so don't hand your new deck design to the Taiwanese carpenter using these figures. Yossan also needs more smokes to do the job right, so call Kevlar up and get him over here.

Anyone with knowledge of conversion rates for Catties / Taels / BTU's please amend the post as needed or in the comments section.

UPDATE: Hurry with that BTU conversion factor!

Also need one for Newtons!

Oh, that would be: Catties/Sq. Taiwanese Foot

Moon Festival Week-end

Interim Report.

Friday Night Poker:

Kevlar: Likes the occasional secret glance at English nipple.

NAY, it's the aureole!

Brett (Brit): Honestly, the man had the whole night off from kids and wife...is it so strange he expressed an interest in treeology?

fashion: Black shirt for Steve who lusted after Kevlar's geld, and black pants for Brett (Brit) who pretty much flashed nipple (NAY! Aureole!) all night.

Saturday:

7:55 a.m. The crying poop machine, who actually has stopped crying recently demands paternal affection and care for about one hour. It was fine. Must say she wakes at the slightest noise when she knows a tired papa will be in charge.

5:00 - 8:00 p.m. Karl and Malv are forced to submit to Allied rule. Their plans for world domination, like Malv's plans for getting laid, perish before their eyes as Red A commands Soviet forces to easy victory. Americans and Britons run by M were tangentially involved.

Sunday:

2:08 a.m. : I think we should ban Canadians in general.

4:00 p.m. AJ's barbecue will KICK ASS. First off, there will be a song sung in honor of Soviet losses in the war to defeat Malv and Karl. Then, there will be mass consumption of charred flesh and yeasted barley water. I hope I can attend.

CORRECTION: I couldn't get past that freak's mug shot, so I only saw "New Brunswick man" instead of the later section where it informs us he is a naturalized US citizen. Thanks to Kevlar for picking that up. I now call for the ban of Canadians and Americans in general.

OTHER CORRECTION: The USA and Britian were not tangential, but played a minor, but important role, akin to Pippin in the LOTR.

UPDATE: AJ's barbecue had more chicken than a Tyson plan on Monday morning.

Fight

Figh
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

src="http://static.flickr.com/28/43956441_51bb01ed8c_m.jpg" width="240" height="180" alt="fight1" />
This could be an awful messed up post. Last Sunday afternoon while hanging laundry a fight broke out. A fat man a drunk man and a woman in a wedding dress. Lots of shouting, some pushing than rolling on the ground. The wife thought the vidoe camera a bad idea. (why did I agree with her.. oh yeah, editting video ain't as much fun as it used to be). At some point the well dressed woman got caught between the two wrestlers and the bottom half of her dress was torn off. The crowd that gathered and watched showed a cool lack of interest. Ten minutes in the police arrived. Then the drunk sat on the steps and cried while the fat man returned to the second floor of my building. Not one of the friends put much effort into stopping or encouraging the fight. no one called for weapons. There were no hospital visits. The two combatants were about 40-45 years old. The excuse was that one of them drank too much...

Someone stole his bike!

lock
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

A club on the wheel and a chain as big as your wrist. I wonder if he has too take the utility pole with him when ever he goes somewhere else.

Sorry no Friday Boobies or Babies

So as a consolation prize, here's a story about a reality TV show in Croatia where sheep are the contestants.

There are seven sheep, and visitors to the show's website can "see how the sheep feed and interact with each other.... They can then choose which sheep to vote out."

Oh, yeah, if a sheep is voted out, it might be eaten.

Before you open your mouth to criticize this, keep in mind it's a European show, and we all know how sophisticated their culture is. Do not mock what you do not understand, mes amis.

How about some grilled mutton on the barbecue for Moon Festival? I hear there's a good price on Veselka.

Why Canadianers Flock to Taiwan

Just like the the Irish potato famine forced millions of Fenian scum to emigrate to America, economic doom in the Maritimes is driving hordes of Canadianers to Taiwan to escape their plight.

Clinging to the gunwales of Evergreen container ships loaded full of the manufactured homes repossessed from their kinfolk, these poor souls arrive in the promised land of Taiwan only to once again be exploited by unscrupulous bushiban owners like the hermaphrodite Tony Chen.

Meanwhile, the government tries to stem the flood.

Yes, a bunch of empty rubber boots is really going to attract me to immigrate to Novie Scoshie. Maybe they should try to highlight the economic future for potential immigrants, "Come to Nova Scotia for a generation and get your children qualified as native speakers before they return to the Old Country!"

At least they were honest and didn't try to show photos of hot bikini chicks frolicking in the sun. "Hey, we told you that you'd need galoshes. Six pairs in fact. It's on the website."

Okay, I keeeeed, I keeeeed, but seriously what about those $1,000 homes on the Newfie Riviera in the article? Is that for real? Are those prices in C$? What's my mortgage payment on one of those? Assuming I pay like, 10% down. Yeah, I have my wallet with me so it would be in cash.

Update: People are leaving America, too. (h/t Instapundit.) I guess we will experience a housing depression as a result. Meanwhile, I just finished payment on my new home. Why not come over next week for my housewarming party? Please come through the side door marked: S-E-R-V-I-C-E (that's French for 'friends entrance') and bring some mops and buckets, s'il vous plait.

PJ's Playlist - Part I

For those outside the greater Soho Street Area in Taichung, I am assembling a cast of the characters that frequent PJ's and this blog.

• Rye Guy / Ryanator - From New Brunswick. Giver of 8 names to his son and multiple nicknames to himself. 7-time winner of Booger Presley look-alike contest.
• Jimbo / Jimbo Elrod / Hannibal Jim - Well-groomed, polite, intelligent. Says he's from Philly. Background check in progress.
• Pimp / Pimp Ryan - Canadianer. Philadelphia Eagle fan. Able to run slower in a football game than in his pre-game, pre-victory warm-up lap. Makes bling work.
• Yuri / Snaggletooth - Enjoys the outdoors, tight pants and red chamois slip-ons. Charming ladies man who always seems to run into trouble with them. The South African Keith Partridge.
• Jerry / Commander Cardy (on left)- South African / Brit. Turn-ons: firearms, commanding and Felix Unger. Turn-offs: " NOT LISTENING TO MY ADVICE!"
• Dave - Parts Unknown, Canada. Posted lowest ever score for a playing human in fantasy football. Body double for Billy Boyd in Lord of The Rings.
• Big John - South African-Texan. Oh! The humanity!
• Lance / Big Gay Lance - From Oregon. Editor of two free, local mags. Collector of shirts of color. Currently suing Bread for rights to Liberace's wardrobe.
• Karl / Tall Karl - Enjoy chess, lesbians and first-person shooter games. Current president of Robinson High School (Tampa) Morrisey Fan Club.
• Amcham Jack - Think the Skipper Alan Hale hopped up on three bottles of Thunderbird.
• Brit Paul / Android Paul - Lover of gadgets. Body weight is 80% machine. Suffers from personality chip failure when proximate to Bread. All Borg craft carry his statue.

Friday afternoon snooze

Image(393)
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

After a hard weeks work a nap was in order. Three minutes later several of his co workers provided him with a homeless sign a tin cup for change and some more newspapers. Oh yeah we are a nice bunch.

Hot Tea PJ - Home base

PJ wasted no time upon his return about 2 weeks ago in re-establishing his joint as the place for all the fun-loving, wise cracking population of Taichung - women (usually) excluded. In no particular order are some of the more memorable moments. I'll leave it to you and your personal tastes to assign any value to them.

1. 1. PJ becomes shirtless 2 minutes after sitting down and showing everyone his tan line.
2. 2. PJ proves to two unfortunate Canadianers that SPF 45 sunblock works even in hirsute areas.
3. PJs is now officially safe from violence after a truce between him and Brit Kevin was worked out. You might remember that the two got into a tussle after PJ reacted violently to Kevin's Scarface on SoHo Street performance.
4. We had our fantasy football draft on Lance's patio and then retired to PJ's to see how drunk D-Wayne would become. Let's see...He started rubbing his butt on every guy there. He gave us a shot of his pencil holder. He bet me ten beers in a game of one-on-one. He then goaded gentle, never-take-advantage-0f-another Jim, Saint Jim, also into a game of one-on-one with the same stakes. He has safely taken over Frencie's role of making foolish bets.
5. Women actually do wander over to PJ's, though usually to collect money or deliver food. However, one Taiwanese xiaojie (that's Miss to you rubes), a first timer, sat down at the table and began talking in very limited English. Cue PJ: Pretty girl, little or no English. In these situations the chair is pulled a little closer, the smile much wider, all others at the table are off his radar. He begins to aid her discomfort by conversing in Chinese. The initial salvo goes for about one uninterrupted minute. When he comes up for air, she takes the chance to say, "I'm sorry. My English isn't very good. What did you say?"

Success

Image(392)
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

Which one of these students is the smartest? Which one is the most helpful? Which one has the cleanest room and neatest handwriting? Which one is going to grow up and be a little jerk? Which one is going to work at 7-11?

Walking

Image(391)
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

Things I've learned. don't hold babies while wearing buttons. Kids prefer to head butt Moms boobs over Dads chin or colar bone. Kids have to be limp, and really sleepy looking ( eyes very shut) before you set them down. Anything less than that and the kid will wake up in a few moments and you have to start again. While transferring possesion of the kid be so extra careful of the arms. My little one likes to wrap her arm around the my massive arm and grasp the ole tricep (bit of a tangle tango). My little apple computer refuses to let me rotate this picture.

PJ's Cafe New Sexual Harrasment Policy

In case you did not get a chance to read it there, I'm cross posting here.

test

This has forced me to reconsider my aversion to generic internet tests. I figure any test which equates myself and Einstein cannot be all bad, right? Einstein had unruly hair. I have unruly hair. Einstein had a big nose, I have a big nose. Einstein was a Jewish immigrant (to America). My great-grandmother was a Jewish immigrant (to Australia). Need I go on?

Now I remember

There I was, walking up a mountain in the Welcome Creek Wilderness. As the walk became steeper, my breathing became more labored. As my breathing became more labored, the more inclined I was to take a rest. The more inclined I was to take a rest, the more I pushed myself, disgusted with my own level of conditioning. The more I pushed myself, the more labored my breathing became. The circle was feeding itself. And then, something happened. My lungs opened. It is nice to remember how good a deep breath of fresh air feels. Incentive enough to stay off the butts for another week, though I must confess they are presenting quite a challenge to my fortitude.

bug glasses

bug glasses
Originally uploaded by kevlar1.

Little girls like to accesorize. She hasn't taken to them yet. She prefers her pacifer. she has officially tried them on.

the wonderful mobile is so bright. Her Daddy likes to look at it while trying to convince little Kaia to take a nap.

Done

Well, my two cartons of Mild Seven Lights lasted till about a week ago. Now, it's cold turkey. Been going for about a week, and I must confess it's not so easy. Trying to break the time killing element of it appears to be the most difficult thing. Wash the dishes, go to the porch, don't have a cigarette. Finish reading a book, set it down to contemplate, don't have a cigarette. Driving through town, roll down the window, don't have a cigarette. Fortunately, all women here think I am J-Hole's age, eliminating that particular cigarette.

Red A's Patent Hangover Blogging System

The key is to make your post BEFORE you go to poker, lose your money, and get drunk.

You might also get into a dumb argument with AJ, but he's pretty cool when you climb down from your high horse 5 minutes in. Wait that was last week.

Here, for your week-end enjoyment, Lego Porn.

Hat tip: The Smoking Tongue, but don't go there if you're queasy hung because he's the dude who eats a bottle of hot sauce a day.

Taichung Sucks!

So, I went out yesterday to do some looting, but the damn store only had plum-colored sweatsuits in polyester and not even my size. I was going to grab some diapers for my kid, but then I decided a bunch of beer would be a better choice - I only have so many arms and need to maximize value for arm capacity.

See, I'm a rational looter.

Anyone else find themselves weathering the storm watching CNN coverage of New Orleans?

Okay, I did not do that either - I was watching sitcoms I recorded on my PVR since cable went out.