Solution: Big Wresting Brothers / Sisters of America. Under this program, selected celebrities would be paired with peer guide wrestlers for a period of 3-4 months, or until their death, whichever comes first. Celebrities would be given demonstrations of separating entertainment from reality, learn the names of the other 48 states and master taking a punch. Celebrities would be paired with wrestlers who could attend to, and remedy any of the celebrities' particular cognitive defects.
Suggested Pairings: Michael Moore and Dusty Rhodes
Dusty: Ahh, Mr. Moore. A gen-u-ine puh-leasure to make your acquaintance, sir.
Moore: Likewise. So, I hear you and I have something in common. We are both salt-of-the- earth people who care about the common man.
Dusty: Ah, Brother Moore. Ahm soo glad to hear you sayin dat. I AM the American Dream.
A humble son of a plumber, Ah came out o poverty to entertain millions and I just thank
Gawd, people like yourself believe in the American Dream, Ah...
Moore: American Dream! American Dream! What are you talking about you right wing stooge? I...
Dusty: Funkylikeamonkey. Funkylikeamonkey. FUNKYLIKEAMONKEY!
Moore: What are you.....? Oh, my.... SPLATTTT!
Dusty: I see you met the Bionic Elbow. Thank ya very much, suh.
Tim Robbins and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
Robbins: Rock, good to meet you my Afro-Samoan oppressed brother of color.
Johnson: Uh, yeah. Call me Dwayne. Rock is my stage name, you know?
Robbins: Stage name? Hardly. You.Are.The.Rock. The People's Rock. You came up through a corrupt system that tried to stifle your advancement and...
Johnson: Excuse me, but I got a scholarship to the U of Miami in football and got my B.S. in criminology. How about yourself?
Robbins: Uh, I proudly graduated from UCLA.
Johnson: Hey, that's great. What did you study?
Robbins: Theatre.
Johnson: I'm sorry. What did you say?
Robbins: THEATRE! Okay?
Johnson: Did you pronounce that with a -re? You did, didn't you?
Robbins: Umm.... Hey! What about the gay marriage thing? You're political right? Because my partner and I have been actively working to get everyone to support the right of gay marriage.
Johnson: Your partner? I didn't know you were gay.
Robbins: I'M NOT, YOU...you misunderstood me. I meant my spiritual guide, soul-mate, life-affirming partner through life.
Johnson: Oh, your wife!
Robbins: NO! She is not my wife! She's my spiritual guide, soul....what I just said, that!
Johnson: Oh, I see. You're shacking up with her.
Robbins: Yeah.
Johnson: So why do you want me to support an issue that you don't deem valuable enough to be part of your own life?
Robbins: It's not about me or my partner. It's about the others that are being denied the same privileges and rights that your and your wife enjoy.
Johnson: But you don't really support it or else you would get married. At least for your childrens' sake. Are you sure you're not gay? Thinking about?
Robbins: You obviously did not acquire the proper critical thinking skills at...
Johnson: Shhhhh! Hear that? Incoming!
Robbins: Ohmygod! Is it Cheney's Black Hordes! KERSPLATT!!!
Johnson: Nope. That was the People's Elbow, punk. Maybe Anderson Cooper could explain it to me.
The Fabulous Moolah and Darryl Hannah (once they get her dumb ass out of that tree)
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